I hear you. And I see the appeal that Jaylene has carried with you.
I'm considering writing a side-by-side with two different Jaylene characterizations. What I had planned to do was separate Alda from Jaylene (briefly) and let Alda (through connection to the Lance) see into Jaylene's journey while Alda sleeps. That way, she would recognize that Jaylene is in danger, since Petra will be down there. And I would get a chance to show Jaylene's indecision, because that isn't her public face.
Right now, I'm torn. I want to thin this to 100K words. Something has to go.
I accept that my plot is meandering. I agree with the assessment that the Horror isn't enough incentive (by its lonesome) to go down into the Catacombs, leaving the Temple exposed when there has been two attempts on Jaylene's life. (I presented a mystery and then Jaylene escapes the whole thing by going below-kind of misleading the reader) By adding a few clues, I can provide the incentive for Jaylene to think that Base Camp might be compromised.
This isn't a midnight run to Writer's Depot, BTW. The idea is amusing, but inaccurate. I'm not selling my story by dumbing it down, or thinning it to make it commercial. I'm reorganizing, thinning, deleting, rewriting, exploring different perspectives, and seeing if there is a more compact way to tell this story. In other words, I'm doing what I consider to be a true edit. What should be done after the first draft is cleaned and ready for submission to a publisher or agent. This is the point that TNBW doesn't nurture us to grow beyond. People just hit a natural end-point in their abilities and publish before their work is ready. They don't see past their own process.
I was so damn sick of Jaylene's story back in December. I was ready to take a break and move back to Acts so I could add more Alina-villain. However, the freelance I hired told me to finish this one. Then I could move on. And there is wisdom in his words. Because I've dawdled and spun my wheels for the last 20 years. I'm invigorated now, ready to see what happens. When I say to trust me, I'm asking you to keep pointing out what you like, what you hate, what you miss from the old work, and what makes you cheer. I'm not discarding the old-Jaylene. I'm retelling her. What you saw (and liked) is still in there.
Remember that I based the Wolves on real people. Kha exists in a guy named Jerry. Jaylene is a college friend named Darlene, who is the most dominating/ under-confident person that I've ever met. So these rewrites are an attempt to stay true to her character. For me to eliminate Jaylene's uncertainty, I would have to change Darlene, and that isn't going to happen.
This isn't the final version. You've seen the changes, and I expect at least one more rewrite where I change it just as much, and that will be the point where I add the old material back in, once I see where the old material fits. Be patient. Be honest. The story that you bonded with isn't gone into the ether.
And I'm having fun writing Alda. Her ascendance was a hoot. I really liked her seeing magic so that she could pass Fourth Circle, her nose on the floor and tracing the outline of feet like a dance diagram. Those paragraphs that you outlined (that you enjoyed) won't see the sun if I switch back to the old story from Jaylene's perspective.
Truth.
