Rob Starr ripped the thin shirt to pieces and flung it to the floor. It was too tight, and he was suffocating.
I can’t do this! he gasped. I just can’t! He was out of time and out of options. The clamor of the twenty thousand fans drumming in his chest made his heart race faster while tripping it out of rhythm.
He dropped to his knees on the cold tile floor. “I don’t know what to do!” he panted. “I don’t know--wait- -” Sobbing, he crawled to the vanity, his hand exploring the countertop. Yes, there it is!
He snatched the phone. Which number was it? His hands were damp, and he fumbled the phone, trying to find her number. He shook his head, the sweat dripping from his forehead. Yes, there she is!
He dialed her. She answered on the third ring.
“I’m dying!”
She sighed, exasperated. “You’re not dying.”
“I can’t breathe!”
“You’re having another anxiety attack. You need to relax. Did you take your pills?”
I don’t need the damn pills! I need you! “I don’t know where they are!”
“For Christ's sake, Rob, you know better than that.”
“Help me!” he cried.
“You have to take the meds, Rob. The whole point of taking them is so you feel better.”
He wished she would stop. He hated taking the pills. They dulled his senses and made him unable to write. “I know, I know. But I need help now! I have to be on stage in ten minutes!”
“Jesus Christ,” she swore. “Listen to me. Slow down. Take a breath. I need you to concentrate.”
“Okay, okay.”
“No, not okay, okay. I know you’re not listening, Rob. We’ve been through this before. Close your eyes, picture my face. Can you see me?”
“I can see you.”
“Good, now take a breath. As deep as you can. Blow it out slowly. Remember the drill, count to five in-count to five out. Are you looking into my eyes, Rob?”
“Yes.”
"Keep your eyes on me, remember? Okay, now, take one more breath, a little deeper this time, and try to relax your muscles. Start with your toes. Start with your toes and work your way up. Are you feeling your toes relaxing?"
"Yes."
"Take another breath. Count to five in, count to five out. Now, your calves. Relax those muscles. Does that feel better?"
"Yes."
"Slowly, slowly, feel your thigh muscles relaxing. Let that tension flow upward, up through your body, and out the top of your head. It's all going out that way. Feel it leave you. Now it's leaving your stomach, going out the top of your head. Slowly, slowly leaving you. Now your chest. You're starting to breathe easier. Your shoulders are relaxing. The tension in your neck is loosening. All of it, going out the top of your head.
“Are you breathing any better?”
"I think I’m okay," he whispered. "Thank you.”
“Give yourself a few more minutes. The audience can wait. They’ve waited for you before. You’re a star, and people love you. Your fans will never leave you.”
“I love you,” he whispered.
"I know you do, Rob."
He heard the catch in her voice. It had been this way ever since their divorce ten years ago.
"I love you, too, and I always will. Now go out there and kick some ass."
© Copyright 2026 k.l.warzala. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
In-line reviews allow you to provide in-context comments to what you have read. You can comment on grammar, word usage, plot, characters, etc.
Hi,
I am just returning to this site and saw your post.
The plot is interesting but the dialouge could use some work.
Like most people here i am a novice myself and have learn that rewrite is an author best friend.
Here are the few things I did notice.
His eyes were filled with panic, the corneas so big that the normal shade of blue was almost covered in black.
Consider changing this sentence. Panic filled his eyes. The corneas became so big that the normal blue appeared to be black.
Then the thought came to him, and he almost laughed hysterically at his own impotence. (Remove own)
Author
Reply
Thank you for the quick response! I just posted this. I do agree with your comments though and I'll make the changes. "-) Thanks!
Hey KL,
This is a good first draft, which means it will get better and better with time and editing.
Rob Start has a major flaw, and it seems like he's also blessed with a caring ex. So there is hope for this rock star.(Won't I have egg on my face if he turns out to be a concert pianist :)
Outside, in the auditorium, the clamor of twenty thousand fans beat/resonated in his chest.
I thought resonated sounded better.
Welcome to this writing workshop.
Nathan
Author
Reply
Hi Nathan, thank you very much for your kind review. I will make the change, I thought I had changed it, but you would not believe how many times I've tried to change this. The last review I got the person tore it apart. I tried it her way but it lost all the feeling. That's when I put it back and missed some of my changes. Thank you again. KL
Hello,
I came across your story by chance, and I'm really glad I did. Your writing immediately grabbed my attention, and I found myself completely immersed until the very end. You have a genuine talent for storytelling, and I hope to read more of your work. If you'd ever like to connect, feel free to message me on Inst@gram (luna art soul).
Best wishes,
Luna
Hello,
I came across your story by chance, and I'm really glad I did. Your writing immediately grabbed my attention, and I found myself completely immersed until the very end. You have a genuine talent for storytelling, and I hope to read more of your work. If you'd ever like to connect, feel free to message me on Inst@gram (luna art soul).
Best wishes,
Luna
Preacher Fo Real