Sneakers dance through the snow, greying and frayed, as windswept ridges split before them. The air is dense, an ethereal sludge clinging to a cold that hardens lungs with every forceful breath. A wind, with slender icy fingers, claws at exposed skin.
Twisting through the quiet streets, a body intermittently trades the shrouded darkness of the night for jaundiced artificial sheets streaming from street lights. With every wavering stride, comes a jolt, a tight pulled grimace. Forward, he runs.
Words are emitted in quiet rasps of agony, sputtering from a mouth flooded with a bitter sanguine taste. The run is not over. He knows this. Slowly, a quiet resolve is re-etched onto his flushed features. With a determination comparable to chiseling into unyielding marble block, each footstep hammers into the earth, carving a rough-hewn path.
With time, it ends. Panting, his head swings upward. Eyes fixed on silent sky intently stare down the unspeaking sentinels, question the prime witnesses to all things to come and all things that have been. They stare back on this lone moment of mediocrity in a nameless suburb. He coughs, then spits into the mud-stained slush huddling in the shelter of the curb-side adjacent to him. A grin, through chattering teeth, spreads as a warm light blossoms from the door and a friendly silhouette saunters into the frame. Forward, he runs.
© Copyright 2025 Kev. All rights reserved.
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Hello. Very, very nice! I'm finding it difficult to articulate how this poem made me feel and and the writing and storytelling fascinate me. Your word choices, descriptions, pacing, and true poetic insight bowl me over! Every line...! I hope to see many more from you:-) I'm assuming that of course you love to read poetry, lol. You might check out work by Odin Roarke and Flowing Pencil on this site.
Thanks for sharing your work!
Mike
Kev,
Welcome. I can’t recall having seen quite so robust a congregation of modifiers crammed in such a small block of text. It seems like there is something worthwhile hiding in here. You might want to take a carving knife to this and trim off some of the modifiers so the verbs and nouns have a chance to sing (or at least breath).
This is incredible. Absolutely genius, I loved it!! I love the way you wrote it, it was a short moment turned into a great story. With every single line, I felt the moment.
I hope to see more brilliant content from you! Keep on writing, don't give up. (SereinRain)
Genius
This is incredible. Absolutely genius, I loved it!! I love the way you wrote it, it was a short moment turned into a great story. With every single line, I felt the moment.
I hope to see more brilliant content from you! Keep on writing, don't give up. (SereinRain)
The modifiers make it poetry. The modifiers condense the intensity and make it art... make it astonishing.
Here's the thing about tNBW; some reviewers will only accept prose that is written in the style they write themselves.Some write in a bland and antiseptic style that is direct and journalistic and they will religiously accept nothing less within the work of others. They know best and are authoritative within their arrogance.
Dont worry that they don't get it! They use the factory efficient water-color words and paint by numbers. Strictly following the instructions and staying within the lines. Whilst you employ the texture and vibrant form of unbound oils in order to set the canvas alive, to bring the words alive into a feeling, a sensation.
Incredible work.
Don't let the bastards grind you down!
Best, Kate.
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