Beauty walks! Fool heart, be still!
This angel glides, among mankind,
drawing eye and stealing breath.
Draped in white gold, she is longing made flesh.
She passes by, with her sycophants, and the wind stirs.
A spell of hardened lust is placed upon me.
I dare not speak, or breathe, or move, until its release…
© Copyright 2025 JL Mo. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
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And being stone-shy only made it worse. Sycophants! What a great word, and a good one to know. I enjoyed your tragic take on the scene, and "Beauty walks" rocked. In the third line, would it read better to say: Drawing eye and stealing (my) breath. ?
Good luck in the contest. Nathan
Author
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Thanks for the review Nathan, Poetry is not my strong suit, but I do dabble at times. Besides, I figured the best way to jump back into the fray would be a contest such as this.
Thanks again!
~JL Mo
The feeling of this poem is of latent sensuality. The lady in white is sending out messages to the mister on the bridge and most mankind appearing as an angel.
She cannot actually be an angel as Im sure they do not tempt to lust but she appears as an angel
It reads well and is nicely consistent in delivery.
Well done,
edenbray
Author
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Hi edenbray,
Thanks for the review! The prompt for this contest intrigued me enough to try my hand at a seven line stanza, but I was afraid I'd overloaded the emotion. With your saying that it reads nicely and consistent is quite complimentary. Thanks so much.
Also, angels loved to wreak havoc on mankind in days of old. Lust was just one of their tricks. ;)
Hi JL Mo
Nice to see poetry from you. I think you capture the feel and sentiment of the Holiday painting very well. The poem also has the feel of the Pre-Raphaelites, the exulted language and tone like D.G. Rossetti and Swinburne. The last line in particular is very fine, as it is, I imagine, just as Dante felt when first seeing Beatrice. Now that's inspiration!
My only caveat is the sixth line, the phrase "hardened statue." The "spell" idea is fine, but why "hardened statue"? When I think of the wind doing something it feels more natural to say "the wind/ breaths a spell upon me." Also, if you're using conventional grammar the last line calls for a period or even better, to give the feeling of suspension, an ellipsis and period (....)
Enjoyed this lovely lyric.
Paul
Author
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Hi Paul,
Thanks for the review.
I appreciate the praise (blushing!), and the suggestions. As for the 'hardened statue', I was trying to evoke the physical reaction to the lust, without becoming too, shall we say, graphic. But, I may have overstepped in my desire to sidestep. (ha!) I'll mull over the line and see what might be addressed.
Thank you, again.
~Jeanie
Of the poems I've read for this contest, this is the first that I feel compelled to review. I'm not usually a poetry reader or writer, yet this one makes sense to me. It captures the essence of the picture and shows an angle that I haven't seen used. It reminds me of Shakespeare, with his character's monologues on someone passing or an event. It seems something like that. I'm no expert but I do love those plays. This is of very good quality. Thank you for writing it.
Author
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Hi HueytheHuey,
Thanks for the review.
I was online when this popped up, so I get to respond right away. Your praise is much appreciated. That someone who is "not usually a poetry reader" likes this so much is deeply flattering. I write very little poetry overall (short stories are my favorite), so that makes your enjoyment of this piece that much better. :)
Thanks, again.
~JL Mo
I've been mulling over this picture trying to think about it and whether I am inspired to write a poem. So, when I read yours, I thought, "That's it!" You wrote what I was thinking but couldn't put to words! :)) Very nicely done.
I might still take a stab at it. Growing up with sisters, I was thinking of going a different route, but I think you wrote a fantastic poem that fits the pic well.
Author
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Hi Radley,
Thanks for the review.
The picture spoke to me through the man clutching his robe. Still not knowing what needed to be said about it, I slept on it. The next day it hit me. Once I knew the angle, the words came. I have to give a nod to my fellow writers for helping me clean up a line or two, though. We all can use a little assist, can't we?
Thanks again.
~JL Mo
And this sentiment, your poem, is precisely why I was afraid to ask a girl out. It's also the reason I flunked a lot of classes in high school, that is, being distracted by the pretty ones. Defeated by lust in life. Yes, even though the girls in my high school had to wear knee-length dresses, show no cleavage, wear no tight sweaters, nor wear patent leather shoes lest the sex-crazed boys would see the reflection of the up-skirt paradise that secreted there.
This poem speaks to me. Thanks.
Ernie
Author
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Hi Ernie,
Thanks for the review. And for the memories.
You might find it interesting that those of us among the female persuasion find the emotional reaction to a particularly well-framed high school boy to be as debilitating as what you suffered. There were more than a few of God’s well-made young men that passed the halls, leaving me breathless and wishing for the nerve to speak. But, like you, I remained in my daydream world of ‘what if?’ Ah! Amore!
Thanks again for the smile.
~JL Mo
JL--That poor guy. I can relate to that momentary electricity that passes between to people and then is gone, leaving one of them breathless and the other unimpressed.
This was filled with beautiful imagery, but my favorite was this line:
Draped in white gold, she is longing made flesh.
LOVED IT! Looking forward to more McShane!!!
dags:)
Author
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Hi dags,
Thanks for the review. I read your response to my review of "A Gentleman of Verona", and I had to laugh. The one line I thought of when I saw this picture was, "Do not flutter like the birds at her feet." Once I built the poem, though, the line just didn't work. But I really, really liked it. Oh well. [i]Kill your darlings[/i] as they say.
Thanks again for the review, my friend.
~Jeanie
Nathan B. Childs