You Too
When they offered me one do-over, I knew exactly what to pick.
Not the time I rear-ended a nun.
Not the time I took the wrong baby.
Not the time I saluted a picture of Jeffrey Dahmer.
No.
I chose the café.
Because last time, when the barista said, “Enjoy your latte,” I said,
“You’re welcome.”
Humiliated, I walked out thinking, “How can I fake my own death?”
I was mid-planning when I bumped into a guy on the sidewalk. Didn’t think anything of it.
And somehow, that led to the worst stuffing explosion in Build-A-Bear history and the total evacuation of a Cinnabon.
This time? I wasn’t taking any chances.
It felt surreal. Déjà vu with higher stakes.
Same barista. Same latte.
One different word, I told myself, and everything would be fine.
Reader, it was not fine.
The barista handed me my drink.
Without thinking, I said, “You too.”
Okay. Not ideal. But maybe still salvageable.
I walked out, trying to stay calm.
I was halfway through Googling “can you tame a squirrel?” when I bumped into someone.
Him.
The guy.
The trigger.
The spark that dashed the hopes and dreams of mallgoers.
My brain screamed, Do something different!
So I did.
“Sorry!” I blurted. “I insist—let me make it up to you. Lunch. My treat.”
He scowled. “It’s 9 a.m.”
“Perfect lunch time,” I said, steering him into a café.
At the table, I tried to act normal.
Which is hard when you’ve just invited someone to lunch.
Firmly.
Not at all like a kidnapping.
I didn’t know what had set things off last time.
All I knew was I had to keep him here.
The server set down my food and said, “Enjoy your meal.”
I froze.
I couldn’t risk another verbal faux pas.
So I nodded.
Too much.
Something vital must’ve dislodged, because I looked him dead in the eye and whispered,
“I love you.”
My lunch prisoner blinked. “Should I… leave?”
Panicking, I shouted, “NOBODY MOVE!”
Everyone screamed.
Someone threw a muffin.
Someone else hid behind a ficus.
They thought it was a hostage situation.
I tried to explain it was a misunderstanding fueled by a profound fear of casual interaction.
Also the latte. The latte started this.
It knew what it was doing.
I fled.
Someone shouted, “Stop that man!”
A bystander—wearing an I ?? Wildlife shirt—stepped into my path.
I later learned his name was Steve.
He opened his arms and said, “Nature will provide.”
Then nature threw a squirrel at his face.
Steve screamed. The squirrel screamed.
I screamed—internally—and ran.
That night, the news declared:
The squirrels have taken the White House.
The President said, “We didn’t anticipate the fires.”
And me?
I spilled tea on myself and cried a little.
Across town, Steve lay in the forest, bloody and losing consciousness.
A man in a gray suit leaned over him and whispered,
“You get one do-over.”
Steve’s eyes darkened.
“Nature had its chance.”
© Copyright 2025 JAJ-0207. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
In-line reviews allow you to provide in-context comments to what you have read. You can comment on grammar, word usage, plot, characters, etc.
Hello, JAJ-0207, and welcome to the site. I hope you will enjoy your stay here because most of us are... well, we like to have fun.
Hey, I liked your story. After I read it I accidentally told my barista 'I love you' and then spent the next five minutes apologizing to a mop bucket. If society crumbles and squirrels take over the government, I'll know exactly who to blame—and I'll be laughing the whole time, latte in hand, wondering how we got here and why it all started with a 'You too.'
LOL! Good luck in the contest!
Happy trails,
MJ
I've always enjoyed reading psychological horror stories. I especially like the ones with clever storylines, and apparently, You Too.
And you did it with only five hundred words.
The tension escalated all the way to the end, and left me wanting to turn another page.
Welcome to the workshop. I'll be checking out your stories in the near future.
Later, Nathan
Welcome to the site and the Do-Over Contest! I really like your style. Your clear and concise sentence structure flows so well, and I love the humor injected throughout your story. Loved this line: Something vital must’ve dislodged, because I looked him dead in the eye and whispered, “I love you.” LOL! :) Very fun read!
Speaking of uprising animals, you should totally check out some of Marilyn Johnson's stories. She has an animal rescue farm, and there is always some form of madness and mayhem going on in her world! :)
Good luck on the contest!
-warren
Hello, JAJ, I've read your other entry also, so I am totally traumatized at the moment. You see, I normally do in-line reviews and don't read other reviews before doing mine, but there was just no way I could do that this time, so here I am doing a do-over review of a story which is a do-overstory of a do-over story. And I hope and pray that nature finds you and takes justified revenge for putting me in such an unusual frame of mind that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Anyway, I did enjoy the story as I am sometimes called weird myself and thus enjoy such things. Beyond that, I wish you the best of luck with the squirrels and the contest, not necessarily in that order. Good job, or was that the do-over response from the last one. Okay, it's coming back into focus or Ficus (who knows) now, so a bonafide good job. Take care. Vern
Hi Jaj.
This story made me cringe. It's the kind of erroneous response that I might give someone. I really felt for the character, which means your writing evoked a real reaction in me, which is why we write fiction in the first place.
I have a couple of contractors at my house currently, one of whom only speaks Spanish. I only know a few words, but it's generally enough. The other day he handed me a package that he came across on my porch before I did. Instead of Gracias, I said Merci (French). Oops. Still I've said worse things on occasion.
I use a Swype keyboard on my phone that allows me to swipe across letters on the on-screen keyboard instead of poking them in one letter at a time. Occasionally it misinterprets and comes up with the wrong word. You should see the text messages I've sent over the years. If you find any word in this review that seem like they don't belong here, that is probably due to Swype. :-)
Good luck in the contest.
Dirk
Great! You have brought another brilliant piece into being and have linked it to your later story. This has got to grow in a novel, I love it. I couldn't see any issues, the rhythm was good, the flow seemless and the timing excellent. Great stuff, now i don't know which one I prefer.
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Marilyn Johnson