'My Grandmother's Watch'
Simple expandable banded watch
Didn't work anymore, so had it repaired
I wear it now and then and think of her
How she glanced at it while doing chores
Ironing she took in, would she finish on time
She needed the money
Perhaps knowing it was nearing supper
She knew how impatient her boarders were
"Oh my... it's approaching four"
It's Saturday and sunny
Tomatoes picked before the heat of day
Hands remind her to hurry along
Sunday and her granddaughter nears
She can count on her to be early
Ah, yes... she arrives before noon
Years pass and her hands grow old
As do those of the old Gruen
Everything all tended to
© Copyright 2025 flowing pencil. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
In-line reviews allow you to provide in-context comments to what you have read. You can comment on grammar, word usage, plot, characters, etc.
As I read the lines I think of my own grandmother. By today's standards she was financially strapped but I know she would have been much like the grandmother described in this exemplary presentation.
You paint a picture with every poem you write Patti. I clearly see your grandmother. You make it abundantly clear that she treasured her watch and I expect that she also treasured her family and you knew she did. Ah yes, she reminds me of my grandmother. "
Your sketches are perfect:
How she glanced at it while doing chores
Ironing she took in, would she finish on time
She so needed the money
And borders! Of course:
Perhaps a knowing it was nearing supper
She knew how impatient her boarders were
"Oh my... it's approaching four"
This is a wonderful tribute to your grandmother, Patti. I will read it many times over. I know she must have loved you as you loved her.
Sunday and her granddaughter nears
She can count on her to be early
Ah, yes... she arrives before noon
Your final lines honor all our Grans.
Too soon her light is gone
Everything all tended to
As is her watch I so treasure
Touching.... Irene.
Author
Reply
Sorry I didn't get to this yesterday.. MY mind was totally "fried" Though that is becoming the norm.. well... at least "over-cooked" applies!!! :D
Always appreciate your feedback Irene. I know if you like it .. it must be good. Though with your kind heart you might hedge a little LOL
I pleased you found it touching. I so loved my "Big Mom"
Patti
Very good job on this one. Like: expandable banded, repaired-wear it, how she worked so hard and kept track of time passing.
Perhaps a knowing (you need 'a'?)
You could finish on this line:
eyesight fades as does she
Lets the reader drift off into the sunset with Grandma.
We know her light is gone, she tended all, now the watch is yours. So saying it is overload.
Knowing what to leave out is important.
Nadine
Author
Reply
Let me ponder what you said.. Makes a lot of sense ... hmmm.. why I love your feedback.
Thanks... the expandable band.. pinches! Perhaps she is teasing me? I'll take another look at it later today. Gotta do some reading/reviewing...
"Knowing what to leave out is important." Important info Nadine. Hmmmm..??????????
Patti..
Too soon her light is gone ... this is so true for so many others.
Another one that is perfect as is. And just simply beautiful.
Author
Reply
Man.. many are likely the last verse and I deleted it! Here is where I need to rethink as I keep telling everyone.. your work.. you have to trust yourself and yet I don't do the same for me.
One line actually made a writer break into tears.. the line about "everything tended to"
I deleted that verse. I'm going to ponder the piece and may put it back in. It isn't just a poem it is a biography in a way. So it would work with how I had it.
I'm so thrilled that my work is being read and received so well. Most are older pieces I'm reworking with all the knowledge I've gained over my years on the site and a bit of studying I've done. Most of which went in one ear and out the other as simply don't grasp!
Taking on another today. IF time allows. Behind on a couple of novels on the site.
Patti
A perfect tribute to Grandmother. She would be so happy today to know that her belonging is reaching out to so many through her beloved granddaughter and that the simple recounts of her humble life have touched generations. I'll bet she does know. . .what do you think?
Nice one, I love it. . .BT
Author
Reply
Thanks BT. your such a faithful TNBW fan of mine. I have the watch.. the thing PINCHES as is expandable.. so perhaps she is talking to me... :D I still love fresh tomatoes though they do not like me. LOL..
She died at only 57... looking older than I do now. SAD.. but life was tougher then. Plus spent hours and hours daily in the sun. Bad health.. which thanks to her side of the family.. all the females in our family have had their gallbladders removed!! Mine at age 27.. and had suffered from horrible pain for years.
She and I had a special bond. I think it was because I was a little blond girl who reminded her of the little daughter she lost at age six or so. My middle was what she was called.
Hoping to write something new. BUT want to touch up and improve work already started. Many are in great need! :D
Patti
Only thing for me I'd like to see added is a first stanza about how you cam by the watch. I know it was after Big Mom's passing, but a bit about the exact time you received it.
As usual, you have show the life beyond the watch itself, and how an object breathes life into memories.
My Gramma was old, always old even when I was5 years old she had white hair and wrinkles. She say things like, "My lan'" or "Lan' sakes," short, I suppose for "Land o' Goshen."
She was wiry and short and died in her 90s like my mom and all her sisters.
Ernie
Author
Reply
Good point Ernie.. I just took it for granted most who would read the piece would assume.
I'll give it some thought and weigh whether it would strengthen the piece. I don't even have to mention that I have the watch to make the piece work. Of course in real life she didn't wear it while she worked. :D She had an old wringer washer and used a washboard also.. and most likely didn't wear it while gardening. :D DANG.. I may have given away too many facts LOL
Patti
This poem is a good picture of the type of person your grandmother was and why she was important to you.
A simple object can have such a sentimental value that can ten times to infinity surpass monetary values.
I have a piggy bank that belonged to my Uncle and Godfather and a music box/rotating carousel that was a gift from my Godmother; those items have great sentimental values. Especially the piggy bank because he passed before I was one.
That is my other point, this poem speaks to anyone that has such connections.
Author
Reply
Ah thanks.. I love it when words I write stir memories for others. Sometime funny.. sometimes sentimental and sometimes can stir a bit of sadness as with loss. But that isn't always a bad thing. It can help in the healing.
I know how music boxes with carousels stir one emotionally. I so hope that some of the little gifts I've given to my children/grandchildren are treasured over the years.
Thank you for reading and the lovely feedback.
Patti
The best thing about the poem is that it does not go into any kind and any sort of explanation.
It starts on a simple note and ends telling a story, which is like a narrative that is very well woven into the text.
Recalling memories and presenting them as it is and as they are is an uphill task, but then the same goes for getting the things exactly correct with regards to the text part.
I enjoyed reading a short, simple, very well written poem which works nicely because there is a great deal of flexibility involved into the making of this poem.
Great work!!!!!
Author
Reply
Ah... thank you so much for reading this simple little tribute to my "Big Mom"... She was the port in the storm so to speak. Stepping into her yard brought me a peaceful feel as knew her arms would be open and waiting. While not a perfect person as I found out after her death.. and still angry that I was told of some of her past.. it was how she treated me that truly mattered. She actually died rather young. I think if memory serves me, she was only 58.. I was 14 and devastated.
thank you again.
Patti
Maybe I've mentioned him before, but I had an invaluable spiritual and moral mentor who died during a bad time for me. That's selfish of me to say, but he was always there for me, always knew what I needed to hear, and so on. Sometimes he was tough, but during those times tough was called for. I never really was too close to my dad, so I guess it can be said that this guy sort of took over... My dad wasn't at all a bad guy, but the love he had for his children was often a very distant love.
It's good that you have the old watch...
Thanks for sharing!
Mike
Author
Reply
Your story in regards to your father is similar to my hubbies as while he knew he was loved it was not a demonstrative type of love. I think for many of that time period were as their fathers before them were also less "feeling"..
I think most of all I loved about my "Big Mom" was the feeling of a safe haven while under her roof. Her garden of flowers and of course her bountiful vegetable garden with its long rows of corn and lush ripe beefsteak tomatoes. :D I visit there often though of course only in my thoughts now as she and her gardens have long ago grown quiet.
Thank you for reading and the feedback Mike. Always brings me a smile.
Patti
Hello flowing pencil,
I can feel the fondness you have for your grandmother and her watch through this poem.
Even though she passed to early, it appears that you learned a lifetime of valuable lessons from just observing her. Bravo!
What a beautiful poetic ending. I wouldn't change a thing about this poem.
Please keep writing,
Noelani
Author
Reply
Thank you so much for reading and I'm pleased and touched you like this little tribute to my "Big Mom."
I'm my hardest critic but am learning that above all persons.. I am the one who has to like a piece. Changing it too much and it would no longer be mine would it. :D
What she taught was how to be a beloved grandmother. :D Hopefully creating memories just as endearing as Big Mom's are to me.
Again, thank you for reading and the lovely feedback.
Patricia
This is almost a description of a painting meant to hang in a famous museum; the Met in NY, the Louvre in Paris.
I actually "saw" more than I read.
I felt the love and yes, I have that same love for someone who I met when she was a year old, no blood between us but you would think there was.
Lovely piece!
Author
Reply
Thank you. I wanted to get to you have you done anymore on your story? I will most likely not get to read much today as my son lives in Brussels and of course am worried and know he is upset and mad as hell. As knows this will ignite even more hatred against Muslims and knows there are "radicals." NOT representing the majority of peace loving Muslims.. :(
He is to fly here with this family in August and this may derail it though he like many will not live in fear.
As for this poem. The old watch is still ticking. As is my loving memories of my Big Mom.
Patti
Hi Patti,
Another winner!
One suggestion--for me the flow of the second paragraph was a little awkward. I played around a little with the order of the second and third lines. Maybe something to consider because I kind of like the idea of the paragraph ending with "time"
"With money scarce, she took in ironing,
But would she finish on time"
Brings back memories of my own beloved grandmothers. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Lance
Author
Reply
Thank you Lance.. I always consider other writers suggestions as being the creator of a piece one can almost get too familiar with it thus miss a snag in flow or see how different choices can help perfect the piece "without" changing the intent etc.
I tend to refine a piece many times. I know when a piece is "finished" as with "Cool Breeze Blowing" .. I have come to truly "like" the piece and that is new to me. I am my harshest critic.
Took the weekend off so have a hunch I am once again behind! I have to read some of rhiannon work as she has been so kind to read some of mine and she is such a good technical reviewer. I try, but I suck at it! I will spend far too much time arguing with myself if punctuation is needed and if so, what kind! As with the last two sentences! WAS THE COMMA AFTER "I TRY.. NECESSARY ??? AND WAS A COMMA NEEDED AFTER "AND IF SO, WHAT KIND. OR SHOULD DIFFERENT PUNCTUATION BE USED!! SEE WHAT I MEAN!!! ;D
Patti
No
kyla