Short Story by: B Douglas Slack
Genre: Science Fiction
Silence prevailed on all decks of the ship. The lighting had been turned down low enough in hopes that it would stimulate the passengers into thoughts of sleep. Around the cabin area on C deck, behind a closed door, the soft snoring of the father sounded. His wife, Lana, having become used to this routine, smiled in her half-sleep as she rolled over to her side and snuggled against his back. His rate of breathing changed and his snore subsided into a contented hum.
At precisely eight bells, a soft chime sounded in the passageway and the illumination came up noticeably. Through the small viewing port in the door, a soft beam of light fell across the sleeping figures. Victor woke first, rolling onto his back. The motion woke Lana, who murmured a soft greeting. “Good morning, my love. Today will be a great day, I’m thinking.”
“True. We’ve been waiting a long time for this, haven’t we? Now our trip is finally over.” He jumped from the bed and stood on the thin rug. “Today we dock!”
The two adults attended to their morning routine, and then dressed appropriately for the big day: warm underwear, two layers of clothing, and carrying their thick overcoats. It would be cold outside.
“When should we wake the children?” Asked Lana.
“We were told that they should be awake and ready to go in four hours. We’ll eat first and then tend to them.”
Lana and Victor entered the dining area and found their seats. Some servers were making their way around, passing out hot plates of food, while others poured steaming coffee into thick mugs. They nodded to their neighbors who had been at the surrounding tables for the voyage, but didn’t speak as they didn’t really know them well.
The server assigned to their area bent at the waist and put two plates on the table. “And a Merry Christmas to you both!” She said brightly.
Victor turned to Lana. “It is really Christmas? We’ve been so busy learning how to cope with this new wilderness, I’ve lost all track of time.”
“It must be true, though. Hmmm...” Her brow furrowed as she mentally added up the weeks they’d been traveling. “Yes, I believe it is! How wonderful. The children will be thrilled to arrive on Christmas day.”
Now, much happier at this discovery, Lana and Victor hurried through their meal so that they could get back to their cabin. Lana committed a small transgression by hiding two small pastries in her napkin and slipping them into her pocket. She looked around guiltily as she did this – evoking a chuckle from Victor.
“I have done the same as you. Now we are both equally guilty.” He confessed with a smile. Ready to go?”
“Yes.” She said, accepting Victor’s hand as an assist.
They navigated back to their small cabin on C deck and opened the door. Pulling two worn suitcases from their cubbyhole, Lana and Victor began packing their meager belongings. They had been told by the immigration authorities that only a small amount of personal items could be taken on the voyage so they packed accordingly.
Lana tucked her sheaf of photographs into a side pocket of the case after viewing them for the hundredth, or thousandth, time. She sighed. “We should wake the children now, Victor.”
He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Yes, it’s time.”
They went to the connecting door and slid it open. Two tousled heads, one blond and one dark, lay on their pillows. Alyssa, the blonde girl, was the oldest at ten. Raul, the boy, was rather tall for his age – seven.
“I almost hate to wake them,” said Lana softly. “They’ve been asleep for some time now so they should be quite refreshed today.”
“Should we tell them about Christmas?”
Lana paused in thought. “Perhaps not; right at first. They will be filled with the commotion of docking. We can tell them when we finally get to our new home.”
Victor nodded. “A good plan.”
Touching the controls to bring the lighting up and wake the children, Lana watched their faces for signs of awareness. It was Raul whose eyes opened first.
“Mama, is today the day?”
“Yes, love. Today is the day,” Lana said with a smile. “Time to get up and be ready for it.”
Their words woke Alyssa, who stretched her arms into the air and held them there for her father to bend down. He kissed his daughter on the forehead.
“Wake up, sweetheart. It’s a brand new day.”
“Ooch, Papa, my back is sore.”
“Probably from sleeping hard, little one. Come on, the both of you. No time to waste. Get dressed. Mama has your clothing all laid out and once you get washed up you can put them on.”
“Okay, Papa.” They both chorused.
Back in the main cabin, Lana and Victor waited for their two youngsters as the ship creaked and groaned as it was herded into it’s docking pier by tugs. There were several sharp movements, one of which was accompanied by a loud metallic clang.
“Must have been to gangway being attached,” said Victor.
A speaker in the overhead clicked on, hummed, and then began to speak: “Passengers for New Portsmouth should begin assembling in the departure salon on D deck. Repeat, Passengers for New Portsmouth should begin assembling in the departure salon on D deck.” A disembodied voice intoned.
Lana stood, and took Victor’s hand in hers to pull him up. They walked to the children’s door and tapped on it. “Did you hear the announcement?” Lana asked.
“Yes, Mama. We are just finishing our packing.” Came Alyssa’s voice.
The door opened. “And I was first!” Said Raul emphatically, looking smugly at his sister.
“Oh, don’t be so pushy,” she said to him, brushing by him to stand next to her mother.
“Snooty, snooty, snooty.” Raul chanted in a singsong voice.
“Now, enough of that!” Demanded Victor, smiling at their rivalry, which they’d had ever since they were tiny. “We have to go now and get settled in our new home.”
“Yay!” Chorused the kids, popping the passageway door open and joining the building crowd headed for D deck.
“Together! You stay within our sight today. Don’t stray!” Demanded Lana.
“Aw, mama. We just want to get there!” Said Raul petulantly. “We’ll stay near. “Is this too far?” He stepped back two paces, and then two more. “Is this too far?”
“Raul! Don’t push it, kiddo. We mean it.” Said his father gruffly. “Now get back here.”
“Oh, all right.” Raul moved back next to the rest of the family as they shuffled along.
They went down a set of stairs and through yet another fireproof door which was latched back against the wall, and then entered a large area that echoed with the voices of many families as they waited to debark.
“Anyone know what it’s like outside?” Demanded one.
“Haven’t a clue,” said another.
“I was told by a crewman that there’s snow on the ground.” A third.
“Perfect for the time of the year, isn’t it?” An answer.
“What time?”
“It’s Christmas, you blockhead. Where’s your wits?”
“Oh.”
Hoping that Alyssa and Raul hadn’t heard, Lana and Victor kept to themselves as best they could in the growing crowd. Soon, officials appeared on a raised platform and began tapping the podium.
“Order! Please. Can I have quiet, please?”
Gradually the assembly room calmed down enough so that the official began to speak.
“As you all know, New Portsmouth is quite a ways north of the equator and, as such, winter has settled in around it. This shouldn’t be much of a problem; however, we have ensured that covered transport will be used to take you to your new home apartment block to keep the elements at bay.” A small ripple of laughter went through the crowd.
“This is a new area, recently constructed for you, and should be free of any defects, but if you discover any, feel free to report this to the administrator offices on the ground floor. As to the weather, the outside temperature is approximately freezing with a wind of around thirty knots. This means that exposure can cause frostbite as the wind chill is way down in the negative numbers.” A group shudder.
“Now, if you will please move through the gangways and into the shore facility, we can get this done with a minimum of bother.”
The families closest to the doors, which were propped open, moved first and then, with increasing efficiency, more poured through them. Finally, Lana, Victor and the kids were allowed to leave. With nary a rearward glance, they hustled down the dimly lit tube and into another hall similar to the one they just left.
This didn’t last long, though, as an officious woman tugged on Victor’s purple tag attached to his collar and told him to bring his family to door five. He did as she ‘asked’, and soon they were seated in a large bus-like vehicle with no windows.
“Ah, shoot!” Exclaimed Raul. “I wanted to see out.”
“Nothing to see outside because it’s night.” Declared Alyssa.
“Aw, how do you know that?” He demanded.
“I just know...”
“Pooh!” Raul shot back, jutting his lower lip out.
As soon as the vehicle was filled, the doors snapped shit and it began to move. At first, they traveled slowly, and made frequent turns.
“Probably leaving the port,” said Victor to Lana.
“I suppose.” She turned to Victor. “Oh, I hope we’ve done the right thing, Victor!” She exclaimed.
He patted her arm. “We have, my love. We have. Here, we can start over with a clean slate. Keep thinking of that.”
“I know. Deep inside I know that, but I still have doubts.”
“I don’t.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek, which had a single tear on it. “Be brave.”
Eventually, the vehicle came to a halt and the door snapped open again, showing the gloom of yet another tunnel. This one was leading directly into their new apartment building.
They shuffled off and down the tunnel towards the light of the reception room. Using the habitation code on his lapel tag, Victor located the proper elevator and ushered his family into it, pushing the button for his floor. The doors closed and a feeling of heaviness increased for a moment while the car shot upwards.
With a sigh, the car whooshed to a stop and the doors parted into the foyer of their apartment.
Raul wrinkled his nose. “Woo, it smells of paint in here.”
Victor and Lana set their suitcases down in the living area and doffed their outer clothing. The room temperature was slightly low so he located the controls and thumbed the gauge up slightly. The children evaporated into adjoining rooms, each one laying claim to a different room – “for a change,” quipped Lana.
Raul returned. “I’m hungry!” He said.
Lana turned to him. “So am I, sweetheart. Let’s go see what Santa left us.”
“Aw, I don’t believe in that stuff any more, Mama.”
“You never know,” she said with a smile and began opening cabinets.
Following a light meal, the entire family sat back on their new couch and relaxed. Lana and Victor were on the outside with the children between them, for once not arguing or teasing.
Picking up the remote on the table beside him, Victor clicked a button and the curtains on the wall began to open.
“Now, it is time to take a look at our new land. Merry Christmas to everyone.”
The blank wall began to shimmer and when it cleared a vista appeared. Vast amounts of glittering snow lay on the frozen ground beyond the walls of the city. In the far distance, peaks of mountains appeared below the shining brightness of the three moons of Alturnia, their new home.
© Copyright 2025 B Douglas Slack. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
In-line reviews allow you to provide in-context comments to what you have read. You can comment on grammar, word usage, plot, characters, etc.
I was expecting a calamity but nothing to do with another planet. So that was a nice surprise. Your family almost sound like indentured servants from Colonial Days. Victor's comment about having a clean slate and their meager possessions made me think that.
Nothing to see outside because it's night(,)" (d)eclared Alyssa. **there are other examples of tags with this punctuation problem. Here's another one: Raul returned. "I'm hungry!" (h)e said.
As soon as the vehicle was filled, the doors snapped shit and it began to move. :) Spell Check didn't catch the shit nit, huh? The way you constructed the sentence, it almost sounds like the doors began to move.
Yes, Mama. We are just finishing our packing." Came Alyssa's voice. **your tag sounds off. see if this helps: Alyssa's voice came through the door. "Yes, Mama....
Sounds like it'll be a white Christmas on Alturnia.
Merry Christmas, Tom Oldman,
Nathan
Thanks for the review, Nathan. I've made changed in my local copy here and will probably update the page. I type around 150 WPM and sometimes I don't catch the ones that slip by the spell checker. I do go back and edit, but even then things manage to slip by.
As for the doors (other than being "shit"), the "it" is referring to the vehicle. If the doors moved, it would have been "they". I had that down first, and changed it for the very reason you mentioned. Looks like I blew it.
I like your version of Alyssa's voice better and will change that one for sure.
Happy Holidays to you and yours.
Tom
First thought. I'm just going to jump right in. Use as you will and discard the rest.
This was written with a lot of tension. Toward the end, I was waiting for the airlocks to open or the guards to start spraying the crowd with guns. I kept thinking the family was under threat because so few details were relayed about where they were going. As a horror story, this is perfect. As a space opera, there is tension without purpose. I'd suggest picking one and sticking with it. This almost reminded me of Logan's Run or a situation where the MCs were mind-wiped.
I realize that this piece could be anywhere and anytime. However, once you have them leave the ship and go into the tunnels, suggest that you add a bit more detail. Start offering up clues so the reader can look forward to the view out the window.
Next, the language is stilted. 'attended to their morning routine. 'The illumination came up noticeably.' If this is trying to separate these characters into another time, you've succeeded. If that is your purpose, suggest that you eliminate the anachronisms. 'Pooh!' and 'Ah, shoot!' are current exclamations and don't fit into the mechanical relay of events.
They had been told by the immigration authorities that only a small amount of personal items could be taken on the voyage so they packed accordingly (Suggestion: Any galactic traveller would have brought a piece of home with them. Personally, I would have worn at least five outfits and a couple dozen pairs of underwear so that I could pack items that mattered to me. Victor and Lana seem faceless to me. Give them personality. (they already poached extra pastries...let them have broken a rule or two to get a personal item across that vastness of space.) A clock, maybe a few pictures, or a cloth banner/ hanging...anything to make them different from the masses of other people who also travel. When they reach their apartment, I suggest having Lana put the items on a shelf and declaring it to be 'home'
Following a light meal, the entire family sat back on their new couch and relaxed (I would have them share the poached pastries here, otherwise the food/ prop isn't being used.)
Hope this helped.
A
Hi, Amy.
I've been caught by the 'Enter' trap also. There doesn't seem to be any way you can re-edit the empty entry either.
I wrote this story primarily for a Christmas short story contest. It took me perhaps two hours at the most. It was intended to be a bit mysterious as to who the family was, what they were fleeing/moving towards, and I tried very hard to make it timeless. They could have been on an old sailing vessel (with limited space) or, as you say, on a spaceship (with a bit more space), but in every case, immigration ships rarely had much room for enything but people.
Having said that, I do agree that I could have fleshed out my characters much better. The phraseology, especially the kids, was incorrect when balanced against the speech of their parents.
I have every intention of re-editing this and forming it into the first couple of chapters in a novel based on their lives on Alturnia - especially how the children grow up. I don't pretend that this will ever rival Stephanie Harrington and the Treecats, or 'The Rolling Stones', but it could work.
If I can ever find the time. :)
~Tom
Nathan B. Childs