551

(124 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Sol, can the broken email links and overly short forum timeouts be fixed? See earlier posts/discussion for details.

I keep asking, but I haven't seen a reply.

Thanks
Dirk

Congratulations, Randy. That is great news.

If it's inline, go to the Reviews screen (the one with the four tabs that shows posted and received inline and regular reviews). It should be clearly visible on the posted reviews tab (marked as draft, I think). It hasn't actually been posted yet.

Hi Alan. It's great to hear from you, although I wish the news was better. I was my mother's caregiver for a few years, both before and after she went into a care home. The care home staff took over the heavy lifting, leaving me free to help in other ways to keep up her spirits (e.g., running errands and buying things she wanted or needed). It was definitely a stressful time.

I'm glad you're in good health. Few people in my family make it that far, especially the males. I suspect my own biological age is 5-10 years greater than my chronological age. Isaac Asimov was once asked what he would do if he learned he only had a year to live. His answer: write faster!

All my best to you and your family.
Dirk

555

(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

>There's a rare good prologue in 2001's Dawn of Man (https://screenrant.com/2001-space-odyss … nal-scene/).
Although I found the film painfully boring, the opening scene with the monolith, the apes, and the accompanying music were excellent. I loved 2010, which (mercifully) didn't spend too much time showing off a director's vision of a sci-fi future and just told a great story. It remains one of my favorite films.

>have learned to peek past the prologue before making a buying decision.
That I totally agree with. Assuming I ever finish a book, I always intended for both the prologue and chapter 1 of Rise of Connor to be available for preview on sites like Amazon. If you don't like those two chapters together, you won't like the book.

556

(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Yet you would happily read it if it was called chapter 1 instead of prologue? What's wrong with that picture?

Funny thing, Cathy thought my opening battle chapters (1 & 2) in Archangel should perhaps be labeled a prologue since it takes place well before the main story, and I kill almost everyone off. Ever hear of a 24 page prologue? smile

557

(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

My prologue has been criticized for having too many characters (Romano, Connor, Father Bianchi the tour guide, Antonio the ghost, and the head of the Swiss Guard protecting Connor in the Holy Land (can't remember his name offhand), but it's a necessary evil since the prologue is simply an excerpt from chapter 32 in the Holy Land, where all five characters are always present.

I don't think it's a big deal, though. Connor and Romano are obviously the key characters in the prologue and are featured again/fully introduced in chapter one. The rest will pop up again later, so I don't really care if the reader forgets who they are in the meantime. I think readers know that prologues often leave a lot of unanswered questions, usually intentionally so.

It boggles my mind that some readers claim online that they never read prologues, which I think is stupid. The author obviously thought the material important enough to the story to put it before anything else. Technically, mine is optional, but I kept it to set the tone of the book and to showcase key elements of the story as an enticement to read on (Revelation/Apocalypse, Catholicism, Connor's remarkable powers, the Holy Land (esp. the Sea of Galilee), and Vatican Swiss Guards).

Actually, the wine was infused with the power of God, so it'll keep forever. No refrigeration required. smile  The compound is Satan's, not God's. Also, clear-cutting for growing grapes would be more visible from the air.

Better than Connor defying the laws of physics with no plausible explanation, the wine from the Garden of Eden will be the source of his boosted power.

Connor beheaded another four demons with one stroke, their bodies flying backward and bowling over another seven others. "What was in that wine?" Connor asked St. Michael, wide-eyed.
Michael grinned. "The power of God!"

I think the solution to how to handle the stench of so many dissolving demon corpses is that Megiddo is considered holy ground. They won't dissolve within its boundaries, or they don't stink when dissolving. Probably the former. Whichever way I go, it needs to be consistent from book one on, where some demons died in a church.

560

(22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

May the Force be with you, Bill. Keep on mending.

How about Omega Force as the name Connor coins for his cousins?

Every human life requires a soul (of course), and although Satan can screw or rape as many women as he wants, God will only grant him the opportunity to procreate once using the soul God provides so that the Antichrist can be born. If there's miscarriage or the newborn dies at childbirth or later, Satan will once again be at risk of ending up in the Lake of Fire. However, God sees to it that that doesn't happen.

Connor's "cousins" are fully human, descended from real human parents from the beginning of the breeding program. Thereafter, the descendants are mostly a mix of boys and girls raised within the program, so each of them has a human soul. That continues for two millennia, ever since Satan read an early copy of Revelation (late first century). As you can imagine, he doesn't like the outcome, so he cooks up the wager with God, which requires that God provide a soul once Satan was ready to breed.

Satan kills one of the adults who was in the breeding program to get the guy's body and DNA, which Satan takes over (i.e. De Rosa's zombie body). All Satan has to do then is find some poor woman to serve as the AC's mother. De Rosa rapes her, mixing his DNA and hers. Her DNA is descended from someone who escaped the breeding program long ago, a lineage then lost to Satan. Her "wild" genes combined with De Rosa's genes from the breeding program is what gives Connor greater powers than those of his cousins and father. God provides Adam's soul at the moment of conception, and Connor is born.

De Rosa had no idea Campagna was a descendant of the breeding program. One sticky issue is why didn't Satan have Connor's genes looked at. Even though De Rosa knows this is the Antichrist, and safely assumes Connor is generally safe from an early death (the cousins all have powerful immune systems and are able to heal quickly from illness or injury), one would think he'd still be interesting in knowing how Connor's DNA differs from his own. Plot hole, for now.

In Catholicism, life begins at conception.

The fact that Satan chooses to rape Campagna, leading to the whole cascade of events in the trilogy, is pure coincidence, but I find those in interesting stories all the time. I think it's great when you can tie your characters to the heart of the plot. Connor's anger at the fact that Satan raped his mother leads to a cascade of events resulting in Satan's demise. After stabbing Satan with the dagger intended for Christ, Connor tells the dying Satan: I loved you, father, and I would torn the Earth in two for you, but you raped my mother for sport. ...  Your evil acts created me, and in so doing, you sealed your fate.

The other option is for someone to explain that once the Antichrist is born, Satan will not receive another soul for another kid.

There are effectively backups. The most recent generation from the breeding program, although I guess that means Satan shouldn't order the death of the rest of the kids.

I was trying to think of a better way to handle the fact that Connor is much more powerful than his "cousins" from the breeding program, rather than just say it's due to some unknown in Campagna's DNA. If I do use the mother's DNA as the source of why Connor is much more powerful, the geneticist could be the one who verifies that her DNA augments the DNA that Satan bred into the kids he used. In other words, she could be a carrier of the genes for those abilities, though not herself able to benefit from them. But when you combine them with De Rosa's enhanced DNA (from his breeding program), you get Connor, the most powerful human of all time. But, you ask, how did she get those genes? Simple. One of her ancestors was among the few who ever escaped from the South American compound. Since her ancestor took off, she's descended from a breeding line that Satan lost access to. After many generations, she's a wild variable unintentionally injected into the breeding program by Satan himself, when he raped her. How's that for karma?

Although Connor is the most powerful human, he's not as powerful as he'll be when he eventually gets into the final battle. There are a number of ways I could handle that. For example, perhaps St. Michael brings him ancient wine derived from fruit from the Garden of Eden. I like that, but Connor may also go back to the Sea of Galilee for some skinny dipping at the urging of everyone's favorite kooks, Moses and Elijah. If you recall, an angel in book one confirmed that the waters had been blessed by Christ, perhaps when he performed his miracles there (e.g., Peter's huge catch of fish), and that the waters are supernatural. That's why modern Christians go to the area to be baptized in its waters. The waters or the wine, or both, enhance his powers to a degree he doesn't realize until he gets into battle. I'm thinking of having Michael withhold true knowledge about what the wine can do; he'll tell Connor a made-up legend of the wine's powers to improve virility, or some similar nonsense. Connor will discover his power boost when he enters battle.

When you combine Connor's DNA-driven abilities with the wine and Galilean water, he goes off the scale, power-wise. For example, he'll be able to swing his sword across the throat of a demon, decapitating him. But, there's nothing too special about that. Where the fun starts is when the heads of the next three demons near the decapitated one also go flying off, all the result of Connor's first slash. Since one sword can't reach four heads at once (unless they surround him), the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th demons are decapitated by a directed concussive force or shockwave resulting from the power of Connor's slash. It happens so fast, the force/wave behaves as if an extension of the sword itself. Physics-wise, it's total crap, but I don't care. It's a cool effect that I intend to use a number of times during the battle.

Better yet, Connor has his cousins join him for a swim in Galilee, and Michael shares some of the same wine with them. Naturally, they won't reach Connor's level of power (only he'll have the ability to mow down multiple enemies with just a slash, punch, or kick), but it would be easy for a small fighting force to hold its own against a much larger army of demons. One issue will be the stench of so many demon corpses in close proximity.

Last item, then I'm going to bed: Naming contest. I need a great name for Connor to call his genetically enhanced cousins, which includes both young men and women. He could call them simply "cousins", but I'm hoping for something more interesting, relevant to the story.

G'night.

Yeah, I'd rather not go there. Although he's 80, if he lives long enough for my books to get finished, any "son' could be seen to be a disguised version of the real one. Highly unlikely, but why go there? Also, my story has a subplot where a group of super-humans has been bred by evil. Remind you of any historical regimes? A daughter I could see using as the geneticist. I'm always looking for good roles for women in this story. smile

>I'm a little nervous about breeding in supernatural powers but will comment later.
It's no different than if the powers were the result of artificially editing the human genome. Basically, my story implies that humans can have such powers (i.e., the "potential" to have such powers exists in all humans), whether by editing the genome or breeding the necessary edits into the genome.

>The only issue is that some people will state that God limited man's age to 120 years. That is up to interpretation.
The oldest person ever whose age has been independently verified is Jeanne Calment (1875–1997) of France, who lived to the age of 122 years and 164 days. It definitely needs reinterpreting. smile

Can't use Mengele's son since he really did have a son, who is still alive. That could get me sued.

Just a quick note before I forget: Although Connor's soul was provided by God as part of the wager with Satan, Connor's predecessors originated far in the past from human parents, and all descendants through to the present day are fully human, the result of Satan's carefully controlled breeding program. Both boys and girls are part of the program, so both lineages can be controlled to produce the Antichrist more quickly since, as Christ said in the NT, no one knows when the end will come except the Father. Turns out it comes not long after prophecy about the coming of the Antichrist is fulfilled. Just in the nick of time, too. Close one!

I like not having to have a "formal" compound. If they're deep in the jungle, there's no need for walls around the compound, the conditions would be harsh since Satan wants to toughen the kids up, there's no need to provide food for them, water they can get from a nearby river and rainwater, minimal clothing from the outside world (I'm thinking loin cloths and no shoes; it's always hot and humid there anyway), and if they're stupid enough to get lost foraging for food, then Satan doesn't want them anyway. He's not looking for someone he has to rescue. It's a good thing I never ran an orphanage, huh? tongue

Satan's breeding program seems somewhat like the Bene Gesserit's attempt to create the Kwisatz Haderach, except Satan has the kids on a tight leash when it comes to who breeds with whom (yes, there are girls there too). I now have two potential roles for a geneticist: determine who reproduces with whom to bring about certain desirable characteristics in the offspring, and mess with Connor's DNA prior to insemination to make him even more powerful than the others, while simultaneously creating within him an overwhelming genetic urge to serve his father. FYI, the geneticist is a former disciple of Joseph Mengele, spirited out of Germany after WW2. One of the things the geneticist does early on is to adjust his own DNA to extend his lifespan since it's yet unknown when the end will come, and the breeding program has to continue until the Antichrist has been successfully created.

A third role for the geneticist would be to keep a handwritten journal documenting much of what he has done. That journal makes it into Romano's hands midway through book 2, who shows Connor that his overwhelming urge to serve his father, which Connor mistook for love of his father, is nothing more than genetic manipulation. And it comes with a built-in guarantee: if ever someone were to turn off the gene(s) involved, the carrier of the gene(s) will die, although it takes about two years, which gets us right to the end of trilogy, when Connor will be 18.

One big issue for me is to explain how the geneticist is able to perform/perfect all this research, which is light years ahead of modern genetics. Satan's breeding program will help. Many of the "supernatural" abilities of Connor and his predecessors were developed through the millennia-old breeding program. I'd like a better explanation, though, for why Campagna's genes turn what would be a powerful offspring into a superhuman. Even Connor doesn't know the limits of his powers. He thinks he does, but he's never faced a situation requiring him push himself so hard that his genes turn him from powerful into superhuman, similar to what happens to the Duncan Idaho ghola in one of the later Dune books. Wish me luck trying to explain, even at a rudimentary level, how that is possible. Probably no one will have an actual answer, although the characters can speculate about it.

One possibility is the way long-distance runners are eventually able to run non-stop (until they run out of readily available fuel), far beyond whatever wall previously prevented them from doing so. That happened to me many years ago, and the endorphins were firing on all cylinders, which is probably part of what kept me going.

Kdot wrote:

Neutral thoughts here. I feel it's a lot to pack into 3 books, but will have to wait to see the execution

A brief history about the compound and breeding program can be related to Connor by one of his genetic relatives, so it doesn't all have to be experienced firsthand by Connor, although I definitely think he should visit the compound. Perhaps that's where the most recent generation of kids still live, hiding away because people fear their powers. That could lead to a coordinated attack by superstitious locals while Connor is there. I think he should also be challenged by one of the kids (alpha male), who wants to see if he can best Connor and take over as leader. They fight physically and Connor seems to lose, pinned to the ground by the other kid. Just when the kid thinks he's stronger and better, Connor surprises him by throwing the kid off and overpowering him. This could be the first reveal that Connor is truly more powerful than any of the others. Another step in revealing his true power to the other characters and the reader could come while Connor is being trained by St. Michael. It might even be a surprise to Connor just how strong he really is. The final step would be during the battle, when Connor holds nothing back when fighting the demons. Heads will fly!

George FLC wrote:

People have found cities or architectural structures in South America. Maybe you could attribute them to the breeding program.

Yeah, I thought of that too. In theory, I could use one of the lost cities as the "compound" where these kids live and train. I had thought to bring supplies into the compound, which would have required a road or river, but I could just as easily require that the kids eat whatever they can find/catch, otherwise they go hungry. Naturally, they'll eat bugs and worms. And civilization is dozens of miles away through the jungle, and they have no idea where it is and how to get there. So, I don't even need to add fencing or walls around the compound. In fact, one of the tests is to be led out of the compound blindfolded for a number of miles, tied up, and left alone to find their way back.

One of the powers i might give some of them is the ability to sense life forces in the jungle and even communicate with them, be it animals, vegetation, or otherwise (Connor talks to animals in book one). The kids who can do that have the best chance of finding their way back. Occasionally, though, some of the kids say screw it and decide not to look for the way back. There could be stories over the centuries about white kids occasionally stumbling into native villages, usually by following a stream or river. Medical supplies are not needed at the compound since all of the kids have the same powerful immune system as Connor. In fact, if someone is so seriously injured that they require outside medical assistance, they're simply left to die. Basically, a nasty place.

Not all of this will make it into the books, and some of it is sure to change as I get closer to writing book three. I'd like to find a way to hint at the existence of this compound and the breeding program, if not in book one, then definitely in book two, otherwise it will seem like it came out of nowhere and was never really properly set up in the overall story.

I had a neat idea for book three. Since Connor needs a human fighting force at the beginning of the final battle, I thought that Connor, being the result of genetic manipulation based on Satan's millennia-old breeding program, would have had predecessors from the breeding program. Turns out, many of them are still alive, even though Satan had ordered them destroyed once Connor was born. The program was run from a compound in the the jungles of South America, run by a trainer who took pity on the last batch of kids created for the program, so he led them to a local priest, who assumed their care.

In book three, Connor learns of their existence, so he goes there to discover the rescued kids all look very similar to him, he being the culmination of the breeding program. All those kids (now young adults) have powers similar to Connor, just not as powerful. The reason Connor is stronger than expected is because Campagna is his mother.

Satan's zombie body is a dead version of one of the past generation of kids from the program, whose DNA Satan forced into Campagna's body for the birth of the Antichrist. Satan is unaware of how powerful Connor is as a result of being Campagna's son.

The problem with the breeding program is that it eventually runs into a dead end, when the last few batches of kids turn out to be increasingly sterile. Satan's zombie body was created long before the batch of sterile kids, so he can still reproduce using his assumed body.

Connor tells his predecessors from the breeding program the truth about what Satan had been doing with them, and asks for them to fight for him, which they agree to do. The end result is that a batch of super powered young adults become Connor's human army in the battle.

There are some issues with making this work and simplifying the details, but it could be a great way to give Connor an interesting ancestry and a cool fighting force for the final battle, all relatives of Connor through Satan's zombie DNA. And it should be a great addition to the plot. These kids all underwent rigorous training before Satan ordered them destroyed, including knife and sword fighting. Handy, huh? Connor also undergoes similar training in preparation for the battle, probably overseen by Michael the Archangel, an ancient friend of Adam's. Connor is a natural at this, in part because of his enhanced intelligence, strength, and speed and in part because all his ancestors were bred to be good fighters.

I'll have to come up with a reason why Campagna's DNA makes Connor so powerful. Perhaps it's just random luck involving the DNA, although I'd prefer a better explanation. TBD.

The breeding program might completely eliminate the need to have a geneticist in the story. Not sure yet.

574

(124 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

It depends on what's causing it, doesn't it? I included more detail in my previous post.

575

(124 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

A little more detail:

If I click on the link inside the TNBW email I receive following another member's newest posted chapter, I get this from Bitdefender on Windows 11:

Suspicious page blocked for your protection
https://email2.booksie.com/ls/click?upn … 3QUqZY4...
Your connection to this web page is not safe due to an unmatching security certificate.
This means that the certificate was issued for a different web address than the one it is being used for, and you run the risk of exposing your data by accessing this page.

Then Google Chrome intercepts it as well, yielding:

Your connection is not private
Attackers might be trying to steal your information from email2.booksie.com (for example, passwords, messages, or credit cards)
NET::ERR_CERT_COMMON_NAME_INVALID

This server could not prove that it is email2.booksie.com; its security certificate is from *.sendgrid.net. This may be caused by a misconfiguration or an attacker intercepting your connection.