Search options (Page 130 of 171)

I'm still planning the rest of v3.

For those who read v2, what changes would make the story more enjoyable and compelling? Also what bored you the most? Hammer me on that point, please. Also, what do you think about the two MCs, and what would make them more interesting?

Finally, what about the two sets of characters in each MC's head? Currently, Joseph's God is mostly serious, Andrew is the resident wiseass, and Joseph's mother gives him his spine, while also getting him into trouble. Apollo and his God have a mostly "testy" relationship. In v3, Apollo's father shows up in his head after he dies. I'm looking forward to writing that.

Suggestions?

Thanks!
Dirk

Bart said, "There's been a little problem in the cockpit."
Homer walked to the front of spacecraft to see for himself. When he got there, he slid into one of two side-by-side seats. The other was occupied by Marge, who drooled as she slept. Homer looked around. The cockpit had two large viewports, one in front of each seat. Homer felt overwhelmed by the dozens of switches and guages all about him. That's when he remembered he had no clue how to fly. "Doh!"

The problem with Dark Eden's opening is there are quite a few items named here that I have to either remember (until they're properly defined) or gloss over and forget. It wouldn't be until a second read of the novel that I could fully understand the above lines. Not a great opening, in my opinion.

I went back into the review to answer your questions or expand on something I said. I don't think the system automatically notifies you about my second round of feedback. If it does, please let me know. That would be useful to know.

Wool makes me itchy.

Nerd

Did you 'off' the first husband, or just planning ahead? ;-)

Your 3rd POV will probably be fine, as long as the reader knows whose POV he/she is in. Don puts the name of the POV character for each chapter just below the title.

I also alternate between two POV characters throughout my book, but it's 3rd person limited. I have one chapter that needs to be in another character's POV, and it worked out fine.

Don Chambers on this site uses first-person multiple POVs. He frequently alternates between two characters on a chapter-by-chapter basis. You may want to contact him to see what guidance he can give. Perhaps he can recommend one of his books to read/review. He's an excellent reviewer.

I started with omniscient, but most current fiction is third limited, so I switched. Fortunately, I did. There are several chapters that absolutely would not have worked in omniscient. If you plan to self-publish, you can break whatever rules you like. Some of the best-selling fiction of all time used omniscient, although the ones I know were written a long time ago.

trip li'l cat

I'd love to roll in some honey butter.