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cj I used your suggestions in the early part of the Saga, but it as  has gone to editing at the publisher now. They're antsy. But I would love just an regular view of what goes through your mind reading chapter by chapter. Thanks for all your support. You're something.

Okay, I mentioned in my review, Rosalyn duo love relationship is muffled.  My suggestion is to have Rosalyn be the male in the relationship and Heather the female in relationship.   You need separation. Rhiannon needs both loves for different reasons. And I suggest never have sex as a threesome.  Each one has intimate private relationship with Rhiannon.  And you need some explicit moments with Rosalyn alone with Rhiannon.  Rosalyn can be the cautious one, who talks bout  strategedy and stability for the Kingdom, and Heather can be the fun one who Rosalyn eventually gets alarmed about because of Heather's secret agenda.

Well Gacela, your cool and as Suin (Alicia) would say, "hot"  and you have shown a very thoughtful way to look at "Being Fifteen."  Yet I understand why Suin approached this book this way. And I totally disagree with that guy's three key points.
Stories evolve and they build. Attention grabbers in the beginning are "cheap" shots. And pacing, revealing, more and more needs to be done gradually as I mentioned to Suin on my very first critique of Being 15. You can't show all the story at once. Nor can you show  it "obviously."  Key facts in stories need to be approached in a natural and oblique way. What Suin does well in the first few chapters is getting you to know Alicia maybe not her deep motivations that even she is not aware of, but her present mind and in a way that even I at 79 can relate too.  Gradually introducing the story, to my mind, was her first problem. So I told her to slow down, and she actually listened to me, thereafter her pacing has been marvelous.

I suppose there are many other ways to write, and Amber Eyes started out fine, and so Where Heaven and Hell Meet. But in Amber Eyes you don't mention the root problem the tragedy at the "haunted" house until later. And good. LET THE MYSTERY EVOLVE.
As far as tittle for Being 15, my suggestion was "My Family's deep Dark Secret."  That title let's you know in the very beginning there is something more, than Alicia's teenage dilemma.  All good stories  need to be a mystery that gradually gets lighted up.
Not just detective novels.

Suin, the characters are well proposed and they drive the story positively. You cannot put Alicia into a sentence. You can't put Sarah into a sentence. You constantly expose their motives and their vulnerable situations. They are very complex people, granted Clara isn't, but those two are. That's what good writing is about.  I don't have your talent that way.  I put characters into stream they can't jump out of.  I got a lot to learn from you.

Okay, Gacela is going to extremes in this story, so much, I don't know what to tell her. And she knows it.  But she hasn't settled on how to resolve it, at least considering the whole story. I've had a story like that. The Saga of the Mighty Valentine.  what you do is start at the beginning, and rewrite it chapter by chapter.  And be ever so careful that Helga comes out looking like a saint. And Mephisto jumps in as the evil one who trys to destroy Helga's plan, more so, than even the Brotherhood.  And then in the end trap Mephisto into the Brotherhood.   And Athens, the one who lost her life, which Helga actually saved, at last, to save her friend Melissa, and destroy the brotherhood, and trap Mephisto into the Brotherhood trap ,sacrifices her life to save the world.  You have gold. Just take the dirt out of it.And it will shine.  You have stumbled upon the great arc of storytelling, unawareness.  Helga is unaware of Athens life, Athens is unaware of  Helga's life.  Let each one talk to each other. Let them become friends and SHARE their life together. I've been saying this over and over, and Gacela hasn't commited to it. i guess it easier to see it from afar, than in the mind of the writer.

Well first off, I don't know what shadowing plots are. The thing about POVs is you need one that gives the full story. The best way to do that to me, is to get in one persons head, interlope with other peoples POVs but always come to the head of the person who has the most to lose in the story.  I'm mean as along has Rhiannon is the main character, and keeps coming back with her POV, you can jump POVs sporadically to give a bigger picture of the story.  Or you can do what Mariana suggested, like I do in the Radio Revolution.  She told me, when Danny is in the scene use the present tense and when he isn't use the past tense. It works well in the story  (if I can keep remembering that).  Of course going third person and concentrating on one character's point of view at a time, in larger stories, I feel is absolutely essential.  That's the ideas of a kind of guy who doesn't read fiction and who had to ask reviewers what POV and contangnist meant.  Anyway, after three novels, all different with POVs, that's the way I think.

Well come to think about it, I was influenced by Dick and Jane stories when I was young. Maybe that's why I write so simply.  The first story i wrote was Dick and the Steam Shovel.  It's on audio form on my website. Stirringneurons.com  I also read the allsheller books, and the Captain Hornblower books in my young teens. Mariana made me remember that.
But I do own a book store. Laughing...and I only read physics books now. But I'll pick these up and read them on the bus going to and from work. Be interested in why you guys think they are so good.

No, my girlfriend did the art work, Loya Whitmer.  Yeah, I'm glad I'm back, too.

working it out..SHARING! THE BODY..

Well I keep telling Gacela what to do with this young adult novel. So I'm gonna tell everybody else and see if there is a concensus.

1) to me there is a huge problem having athens talking like athens and helga on separate ocassions.   We really don't know who is talking. Gacela says it is always Helga. Sometimes Athens/helga is fighting the situation or simply seems confused.

2) We don't want to make Helga evil, and her downgrading Athens in the book makes her look evil. And a hero looking evil not good, especially in a young adult book

3) A young adult books need friends, and granted Melissa is a friend to athens, but we can't see her being a friend to Helga in the book.It would be so much better if Helga and Anthens were friends.

4)  most important you need a dialogue between Helga and Anthens where they work together under this stressful situation. Both should be freaked out at first and then learn to adapt.

5) Mephisto needs to come into the play, maybe helga can trap him getting him  unattentionally  trapped by the Brotherhood.  You don't have a red man, helga's nemesis on the roof without him showing up in the story somewhere..

6)  The finally when Athens officially dies could be done as a tear jerker, with Athens
telling Helga to take over her body to save Melissa and destroy the brotherhood.

It seems so obvious to me, but Gacela seems to be fighting it.  What do you other guys think.

well I still don't know what happened but an hour ago it suddenly got resubscribed. Thanks Gacela, I couldn't figure out how to get a hold of Sol.

I'm not much of a follower.  I prefer to thrash on my own. It gets me in trouble because my stories come out so different than normal, not too many people can handle them, easily. But I'd rather be me than listen to somebody else and follow their example.  Suin is a natural storyteller, when I see her get off track, I'll mention it, and the great thing about her, once I mention it, she never does it again.We will probably do better to just listening to each other, and our impressions of other writers. People who write instruction stuff, and conferences where somebody is trying to tell you how to write, really don't help unless you aren't ready to write.  We all are. And then we got to face editors who are trying to put our art into little boxes and make us believe this is necessary. How many times have you heard,  you can't live without a good editor. You guys have edited my stuff far better than those publisher editors. I'll tell you right now.  And CJ is a great line editor. And Rhiannon is so into literature I follow on her coat tails.And I guess I see what needs to be done overall to manuscripts. That's my combination, if you want to listen.  And Gacela has been such a big help to the radio revolution, Suin, too. And I'm having a horrible time trying to resubscribe.  Somebody is trying to stop me from using this sight anymore.  So I don't know what will happen tomorrow after I beg with Saul to resubscribe me. It's up in the air. for now. So if you don't here from me anymore, it is because I have been kicked off.  Not that I want to be kicked off.