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Chapter ten and hugh sticks his mouth out again, fucking everything up with her friends. It may be true to life, some people let the others sway them away from what they really want to do, but it is not good for the hero of a novel to do that. novels are to correct that shit. But Suin has a tendency to lead everybody over the cliff, and then gradually they catch a parachute, that's what she did with her first book 15. But me, i don't know if I can take another chapter of this guy. But remembering the opening chapter of this book, her return after 15 years to an outrage sister, how do you get a parachute for that?

forget publishing for a moment.  You don't have a box for your story or my Radio Revolution here.  Let me open the forums on your Heaven and Hell work.

See if other people agree with me.

I feel Athens needs to talk to Helga, both realizing they are stuck in the same body.  they need be friends.  When Athens gets in a jam, Helga can ask if she wants her to take care of it?  And Helga should never say anything negative about Athens.  Athens loves Patrick, Helga loves Oxford.  So they swamp places to be with their loves.  When Helga is conscious, Athens doesn't remember what she did, she is surprised later until Helga tells her what she did. Then she is embarrassed or pleased depending on the situation. AFter chapter 35, when Athens is thrown from the car and saved, and Patrick comes running up to her, she is totally unaware of what happened when she was first kidnapped and asked Helga to help her.  Patrick can't figure what is happening. And about this time in the story, Athens finally admits to Patrick what is happening.  And he has to believe.  He witnessed it.  He tells Athens what happened and his father tried to kill him for the brotherhood, but now he is dead, too. Athens is sympathetic to Patrick and they make love right there in the bushes.  Voila, what an ending. PS, you need Buchanan in the car too, explainiing to no 700 why giviing up his son is a small price to pay for the reward of catching Helga the demon. And father  arguing but finally tearfully submitting.

Well I read the first chapter and it reminds me of the Avatar Movie. My comments were it rushed the information while the story was taking place in a tense survival moment.  Not a good space for back story.  Some reviewers called it confusing, but if you can slow down the information I see it as a fine opening chapter.

My name is Norm Winter.  I live in Hawai for the past 40 years. I started buying used phonograph records in 1962.  I might be the first to do that in retail.  And I might be the last.  I’m still buying em.  My writing career started in high school when I was assigned the job of writing a children story in my senior English class.  The teacher told me it was ungradeable and to write another one.  I didn’t.  I flunked English, and never did graduate from high school. Taps.  Decided to be a song writer and almost made it with Lou Adler and the Brill house before suddenly being drafted into the Army.  I was sent to korea, and did have some song writing success with Korean music.  Out of the Army, I went into the retail record business. Meshing that with being a rather unconventional radio host as the years past. Married late, have four kids, wife past away twelve years ago.
           My mother always told me I should be a writer.  I have no idea why. But in her things that I found after she died, I found that story that ended my education, Dick and the Steam Shovel, and I liked it enough, I did a bit of an expansion on it, found this site and posted and reposted it several times waiting for a review.  Never came. My kids refused to listen to me read it, even.  But I still loved it. Then I saw everybody was writing books on the sight, and they were getting reviews with books, not always with short stories, and being a natural rebel,( I found that out about myself after seventy-five years,) I decided to write revolutionary books.  The First was Saga of the Mighty Valentine Cosmos.  The second was the Autobiografitti of Grandville  Rodriquez (the outlaw “who” saved the world) and the third I’m currently writing is the Radio Revolution about my experience in radio. I’m a bit shy with dealing with agents in this squeezed to death organized conglomerate world we live in, but I did try once.  She said she would take it on, then after the response of the publishing world she chickened out making her excuse…and this is a quote…”Too outrageous for the modern day reader.”  Oh Well. I might go into self publishing. I just don’t know how computer and websites work, I just discovered Email, so I’m scared about doing that.  But I do plan to have ten novels by the time I reach 85. I’ll let the world figure out how to publish em.  For a guy who is horrible with grammar and punctuation, this site is real good for me, and sorry, but I learn what not to do in writing from what you guys do, sometimes.  Anyway, great site, and despite being a hermit, I’ll join this group. .
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it simply means at least I understand it