WIP The Radio Revolution by Sheriff Norm

forget publishing for a moment.  You don't have a box for your story or my Radio Revolution here.  Let me open the forums on your Heaven and Hell work.

FYI - there is a box for you, it's here!

I've also recommended the Sheriff to reduce the amount of "preaching" Danny does explaining how wrong America is. I agree there a re a lot of opportunity areas and that the story focuses on righting some of the wrongs through the Radio Revolution, but at times it feels like "too much", Of course, I belong to the 180-character generation, so my observations might be heavily biased. that said, I agree with Suin that action must scale faster. The story has reached an exiting point.

Kiss,

Gacela

In my last review I suggested keeping things in Danny's pov as I find it quite jarring to suddenly find myself placed in the pov of a side character - Gregory's father. I know you want to jump from one pov to another as you find it more dynamic that way, but what about using Gregory's pov for that section? Also, I'm curious about what the 'kids' are thinking/feeling at this point so Gregory's pov could really add something to the story

Hey Norm,
I didn't see the posting for "The Outlaw Who Saved the World..." so I'll post here.
When I mentioned the bet about translating the Spanish, I hope you know I didn't mean translate word for word.
First, did the President use Spanish to connect to the workers, or did he use it so the "Only English" speakers couldn't understand his plans.
That would make a difference on how you translate.
The way I would do it (doesn't necessarily mean I'm right, FYI)
If he was just trying to connect to the workers, but not hide what he was saying from the native English speakers, I suggest including "tidbits" of English throughout- not a full translateion. Just a distilled version where the reader and the other English speakers can get the "gist" of it.
EX: Nosotros somos una gente, los Mejicanos y los norte americanos algun dia seremos un  solo pais. Treinta y un estados mejicanos y cincuenta estados norte Americanos seran ochenta y  una estrellas en la bandera Mejicana-Americana. One day, Mexico and America will share a common goal, one people, under one flag. No habran fronteras controlladas seremeos un  solo pais. No more borders to divide and weaken us. Mejico-Americana sera la nacion mas ponderosa en el mundo. Sin Mejico los estados  uni dos se marchitara en una nacion comun y corriente. United, Mexico-Amerca will be the most powerful nation in the world.” 
If he was hiding the comments from the ohers (I'm primarily thinking of the Secret Service and Bill, really) then you can italicize the English bits between the Spanish, but on the outside of the quotes.
EX: Nosotros somos una gente, los Mejicanos y los norte americanos algun dia seremos un  solo pais. Treinta y un estados mejicanos y cincuenta estados norte Americanos seran ochenta y  una estrellas en la bandera Mejicana-Americana." (italics)Mexico and America will share a common goal, one people, under one flag. "No habran fronteras controlladas seremeos un  solo pais. Mejico-Americana sera la nacion mas ponderosa en el mundo. "Sin Mejico los estados  uni dos se marchitara en una nacion comun y corriente." (italics) without borders to separate and weaken us we will be the most powerful nation in the world. 

Something like that. You speak Spanish better than I, but the last thing you want to do is do a complete translation, word for word. ANd you are correct, the Spanish is much more eloquent.

welcome back to the site! i didn't know you were struggling for so long. I don't know who helped you but I'm glad your'e back!

Just checked out Stirring Neurons - love the name! The artwork for Radio Revolution is super cool. Did you do it yourself?

Will check out A Children's Story next time I've got time to do reviews!

Norm:  I appreciate your concern about setting interfering with the plot.  As a fantasy writer, I have to have a lot of setting description, and the way I make sure it doesn't interfere with plot is by having it emerge out of the action.  Like the forest in Rhiannon's sensory sight when she runs to it, the description of the chase and the disaster she wrought with her magic.  It's different, of course, with a real world setting, but I advised Wordsmith, who used to be a member of tNBW, when she was trying to denature her stories set in Jamaica that people, especially those who can't afford to travel to Jamaica, would want to be immersed in that setting while they read.  It's a matter of style, and in our world of every person having her own printing press (the Internet), its all in who you want to share your adventure and world.  The publishing conglomerate that controls best sellers is doing to mainstream books what you describe the radio conglomerate as doing.  We can ignore them, but I wanted to follow their rule in the opening-- adrenalin pumping action.  She rests, and we get the more gentle introduction.  When there is a pause in her life or death struggle, we can calmly see the plesiosaur playfully splashing in the moat  There it was like a postcard. 

You can toss in brief description with action.  As Danny walks to his car, he passes a famous landmark, that sort of thing.  But as long as we enjoy and appreciate each other's style, that's the important thing for writing buddies.

I also am like Harlan Ellison who never read a book of his again after he published.  YOu can alway have the response--"I can't believe I did that," and as a publisher of mind says:  "Ars longa, vita breva," which literally means, "Life is short, art is long," but he translates to "Proofreading never ends."

Hugs, Rhea.

Our fellow writer Sheriff Norm Winter has just self-published his story, The Radio Revolution: Historical Fiction based on Radio Free Hawaii (The Radio Revolution) in Honolulu 1991-1997, in Amazon. It's not available yet, but you can already preorder it for delivery on October 20, both the ebook and the paperback edition.

Please join me, congratulating Sheriff Norm. As with the rest of us, this is terrific achievement and a landmark in his career as an author.

https://www.amazon.com/Radio-Revolution … revolution

Very, very happy about this achievement, kiss,

La Gacela.