Search options (Page 21 of 32)

CJ:  Thanks for your series of reviews.  Got a lot out of them.  The next chapter mentions her re-painting herself with the warpaint, and the presence of Eligor.  My guess is that in the relaxed atmosphere of the campsite, and the abruptness of the attack, it was over before she could get out Eligor, or he fly to her aid.

3.1415926  March 14th, 3:00 (1500 hours), 9 minutes, 26 seconds.

A hammerlock is when you pull a person's arm around to his or her back, hold it.  The escape:  you grab their hand, so they can't get away, twirl around, pressing the grabbed arm down, after hitting it on the nerve cavity, causing them to buckle, and then you kick then in the groin, the solar plexus, the throat.  Any questions?  Good.  Your turn.

And a guy may have an initial sexual response when he sees a random naked woman, but I refuse to believe that most men won't act protectively.  Yes, you go to a strip bar, or she walks in on you in private, the reaction will be a little different--as female nudity, in those circumstances, signals (in the case of the stripper, falsely) availability.  But I'm talking coming across someone on the street or outside your door at night.

OK, John, you were right--Rhiannon should have used her kung fu more when she was subdued by the guards.  But, relying on the Solomanic saying, "The races is not always to the swift," I changed that scene as follows:

"I grabbed the hand of the one who had me in a hammerlock, stepped my right foot behind my left, twirled, hit him on the elbow joint, pressing his arm down and kicked him in the groin.  One behind me hit me at the point of my neck where my brain stem is, and I became semi-conscious and stupid..  I admired their training that went into this attack, even as I was subdued by it.

Still groggy, but squawking, yelling, protesting, cursing, and kicking my feet, as I had been picked up off the ground: squirming, writhing, wiggling, I was taken down the stairs to the lowest part of the palace.z'

When I first wrote it, I hadn't preceded it by her use of kung-fu in the earlier book. I had her out of practice due to being so lady like.  I changed the number of guards who held her to three, as well.  If Sherlock Holmes, a boxing expert, can be subdued by two thugs, and Supergirl by a Kryptonian soldier (of course, she was low ranking in her martial arts ability.  The first season, she was subjected to low levels of Kryptonite radiation and trained by her Black Ops sister), then three guards could maybe get Rhiannon.  There is also the reluctance to fight soldiers when you're sure you can get the whole thing straightened out.  I mean, consider this:  you're surrounded by a SWAT team thinking you're some terrorist, and instead of surrendering and going to the police station, you take out the SWAT team.  Now, how is that going to look? lol

Thanks, Suin, for your suggestions on "The Skirmish."  I've added about three pages of one-on-one combat, introspection (actually, a memory of her father that was like a 'Kung-fu' style flashback), and a death that she took personally.  At one point, she cries, as she feels hurt that people would go to war with her.  Marlais tries to explain about Hevyedd making enemies, to which she shouts "My father is a saint!" which gets applause from the men.  Although, in a (now) 939 page book, adding pages is always nervy, it makes for a much better chapter now.  Thanks.

Thanks, Suin; Vern. 

It's published! In the current issue of Bewildering Stories (704).  http://bewilderingstories.com/issue704/blurb.html

And there is no cost to subscribe.  You just bookmark the page, and check weekly for new writing.

Well, you obviously have a strong view of Bambini's character--and he doesn't have to be Trump, but your opinion of Trump shows the outline of a plot.  A man from (relatively) modest origins, vulgar as hell, becomes the most powerful man in the country (as, in Bambini's case, a crime lord).  From there, you can decide to be traditional--and his pride goeth before a fall ("Is this the end of --Rico?"), or risk losing all your readers, and have him triumph.  (That can be avoided by a morality twist.  I read a story where The Mob and the Syndicate ran the country, giving everybody what they wanted.  Everything went fine, until the old, evil US Government came back...)  So you could make him into that kind of gangster.  So Rick won't have to come up at the end of the story and shoot him with his Colt Python.

John:  Nothing wrong with stringing out comedy skits.  Woody Allen did that in Sleeper and in Bananas, although there were plots there.  Some of the scenes--like him being psycho-probed to think he was Miss America--had absolutely nothing to do with anything.  I'm glad I'm making you think deeper about your material, or go more deeply into it.  Oh, and something you said--that Bambini's ascension is sort of like Donald Trump's?  There's your plot.