Topic: Could you make it a novel?

Jerry Jones posted this in the Jones County Friends group on Facebook. Hilarious!

I Need To Poison My Husband
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy!
I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!
I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in romantically entwined with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Leave a comment.

Could you turn it into a novel?

Quote Post 1

Re: Could you make it a novel?

Nice! I think it would make a good cartoon or graphic short story, but not a full-length novel. If anyone can do it though, you can Janet!

Quote Post 2

Re: Could you make it a novel?

My type of humour! smile

A novel might be a stretch, novella maybe? Not sure where to start though:

Option (1): Showing their happiness/perfect marriage, then the suspicion, hiring a PI or doing it herself, getting confirmation, working through/planning what to do - you can also show the life of the cheating wife. And then finish with this as the final scene.

Option (2): Or Starting with this as the first scene and her poisoning her husband and he his wife, how they deal/cope with it, and if you're looking for a Romance, granted it will be somewhat dark happy ever after, how the killer wife and pharmacist fall in love and live happily ever after.

Are you seriously considering doing this Janet?

Quote Post 3

Re: Could you make it a novel?

Great party joke....

Reminds me of the one where the man goes to a therapist and says his wife is trying to poison him. The therapist has a few sessions with the wife and then calls the husband back in and says "Take the poison."

Quote Post 4

Re: Could you make it a novel?

A woman in a small town in East Texas found out that her husband was having an affair - while working out of town. Feeling betrayed and humiliated, she decided to leave him, but unsure of her future, she confided in a few of her friends. One day the constable knocked on her door. She invited him in for a glass of iced tea, but he said it was an official visit. He said "I've heard talk that you were thinking of leaving Billy. You know, stupid people can come up missing around here." Then he rocked back on his heels and stroked the .44 strapped to his side - and gazed across the highway at the Davy Crockett National Forest.

How do you make a novel out of what really did happen? To me?

Quote Post 5

Re: Could you make it a novel?

OMG, MzP sad

Quote Post 6

Re: Could you make it a novel?

MrsPiddles wrote:

A woman in a small town in East Texas found out that her husband was having an affair - while working out of town. Feeling betrayed and humiliated, she decided to leave him, but unsure of her future, she confided in a few of her friends. One day the constable knocked on her door. She invited him in for a glass of iced tea, but he said it was an official visit. He said "I've heard talk that you were thinking of leaving Billy. You know, stupid people can come up missing around here." Then he rocked back on his heels and stroked the .44 strapped to his side - and gazed across the highway at the Davy Crockett National Forest.

How do you make a novel out of what really did happen? To me?

Great premise for a murder mystery. I had a Vice Lord who lived behind me volunteer to have a carjacking gone bad for my ex.

Quote Post 7

Re: Could you make it a novel?

MrsPiddles wrote:

A woman in a small town in East Texas found out that her husband was having an affair - while working out of town. Feeling betrayed and humiliated, she decided to leave him, but unsure of her future, she confided in a few of her friends. One day the constable knocked on her door. She invited him in for a glass of iced tea, but he said it was an official visit. He said "I've heard talk that you were thinking of leaving Billy. You know, stupid people can come up missing around here." Then he rocked back on his heels and stroked the .44 strapped to his side - and gazed across the highway at the Davy Crockett National Forest.

How do you make a novel out of what really did happen? To me?


Oh god. But did he mean the husband could go missing, or you? Husband surely? What a scary offer but I have a similar story.

For me, there wasn't a constable nor a knight in shining armour, it was a thug on a shiny motorcycle, the member of an infamous gang. A bearded scary creature twice my age. O_o No story there! But it was nice he was offering his service regarding a man that had hurt me. Thanks but no thanks.

It was however strangely comforting having someone big scary and strong telling me he got my back but... Well... No.

Quote Post 8

Re: Could you make it a novel?

Ava Bond wrote:
MrsPiddles wrote:

A woman in a small town in East Texas found out that her husband was having an affair - while working out of town. Feeling betrayed and humiliated, she decided to leave him, but unsure of her future, she confided in a few of her friends. One day the constable knocked on her door. She invited him in for a glass of iced tea, but he said it was an official visit. He said "I've heard talk that you were thinking of leaving Billy. You know, stupid people can come up missing around here." Then he rocked back on his heels and stroked the .44 strapped to his side - and gazed across the highway at the Davy Crockett National Forest.

How do you make a novel out of what really did happen? To me?


Oh god. But did he mean the husband could go missing, or you? Husband surely? What a scary offer but I have a similar story.

For me, there wasn't a constable nor a knight in shining armour, it was a thug on a shiny motorcycle, the member of an infamous gang. A bearded scary creature twice my age. O_o No story there! But it was nice he was offering his service regarding a man that had hurt me. Thanks but no thanks.

It was however strangely comforting having someone big scary and strong telling me he got my back but... Well... No.

Yeah, my little Vice Lord would have taken out my ex in a heartbeat. I also had several students ask if I wanted them to jump him. Such a tempting offer....

Quote Post 9