The Final Attempt
No one knows why she did it. The ambulance responded immediately to her desperate 911 call. They had to break down the door to her apartment. She lay on the bed, her breathing shallow, beads of sweat forming on her upper lip. The paramedics tried to keep her upright while they slipped the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose but her body was limp and she kept falling back onto the bed. Her blood pressure was dropping quickly.
They found the bottle of Trazadone on the kitchen counter but had no idea how many she had taken. According to the prescription bottle, the number of pills was all wrong and the date had expired some months back. There were pills scattered on the counter and some had fallen to the floor.
When they tried to question her, her response time was slow and her mumblings were difficult to comprehend. They thought they heard her say something about not letting her cat out.
The neighbors of the apartment complex gathered outside, as they always did when something tragic happened. When her limp body was lifted onto the stretcher and wheeled outside to the waiting ambulance, the neighbors just shook their heads and wandered back inside to their dinners and television shows. There would be plenty of time to gossip in the morning.
The driver of the ambulance kicked on the siren as they raced from the parking lot, the deafening scream piercing the quiet of the night. He stepped onto the gas pedal and raced toward the hospital. On the way, the paramedics in the back of the ambulance kept calling out to the girl and shaking her shoulders to keep her alert. They knew if they left her alone, tomorrow would never come for Grace Hume.
© Copyright 2026 k.l.warzala. All rights reserved.
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G'day, KL. Again you show me that you can say a LOT in such a small space. I like the storyline and this opening chapter. I hope you keep your other story going, but I'm hoping that you also keep this one coming with the installments :-0
Believe me, you KNOW what is relevant, what is most important to write about. This and the other story...I hope you finish both!!!!
CHEERS!!
Mike
Hey KL, I also liked the pace of this chapter, but it left me wondering who called 911 and wanting to find out. Although there was no suggestion of her age, I assumed she is a young woman, and the chapter summary The Final Attempt suggests she has done this before.
Looking forward to the backstory.
Nice beginning, certainly can bring the reader in to want to know more about Grace Hume. I would have liked to see a little more description, both of her and of the surroundings. What was the weather like outside as the brought her to the ambulance, were the neighbors standing in the rain, snow, heat of the night?
Also, it would have been nice to have dialogue as they are trying to communicate with her, might seem more dramatic than an explanation of what was happening.
It does make me want to read on though. :)
Hi, KL. This is a very nice start to your story. Head first into the drama.
It seems to be written from an omniscient point of view. Is that intentional? For example, if Grace is your POV character, she would have no way of knowing that the neighbors returned to their apartments for dinner and television.
Once possible way to increase the tension even further would be to have her stop breathing in the ambulance right at the end.
Anyway, just some random observations. Hope it helps.
Dirk
mikejackson1127