Yup, although I'm still trying to find a non-supernatural reason for the suppressed hammering noise. A loud TV or stereo? Good soundproofing? Molten nails from the fireplace pushed through the flesh/wall/joists?

It occurs to me that I have to use different ways of killing the clergy to provide a little variety from crime scene to crime scene. Technically, the killings are supposed to include (apparent) natural causes, suicide, accident and murder. I think I'll save the crucifixion until near the end of book one. Save it for someone special.

I don't want to be gruesome, though, with blood and entrails everywhere, since I want a teenage and adult Christian audience. Admittedly, the Apocalypse is violent, but not gory. I'll hurl a few crows against car windows to make up for it. :-)

My FBI profiling book says there are generally two kinds of serial killers: disorganized mentally ill ones who are usually caught quickly and highly methodical psychopaths like Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy. The book will probably focus on the latter unless I want to throw in a red herring or two.

I'll return to my original plan that two ailing cardinals died of apparent natural causes (no autopsies deemed necessary) before the story opens, and the first actual case is of an apparent suicide by hanging. I envision another case where two bishops sharing a residence are found lying atop their beds with their upper bodies exposed, each with a cross carved across the chest. The rest of the apartment suite is in perfect order.

Any other good deaths?

1,977

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I figured the bombs fell because they're still close enough to the planet for gravity to do its thing.

The murder of bishops and cardinals presents a minor problem. Each clergyman will be scourged and then nailed to a residence wall in the standard crucifix pose, with nails through the wrists and feet, stripped of clothes, and wearing a crown of thorns. The killer can gag the victim to avoid screams from being heard in neighboring apartments or by people in the hallways. However, hammering of large nails is going to be noisy. I can't allow the murder to be interrupted by someone investigating the noise. Since these are supernatural killings, I was thinking of relying on the supernatural aspect to avoid the noise of the hammering. In other words, the nails are driven through noiselessly.

Thoughts?

Still not sold on Rivera as the priest's name. Odds are I'll go with Romano. Screw the lack of creativity. I like the name.

In about a week, I should have enough detail to write my first scene involving Connor and my first murder of a bishop or cardinal. Each will be a separate scene, published onsite as individual chapters to keep them small, the same way Seabrass is doing with Maiden. I'll combine them later into book chapters that will be two or three scenes each.

I'm just finishing a book on FBI profiling of serial killers, then I can identify the number of scenes and flesh out parts of the outline.

So close!

1,981

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

This evening's episode of Gilligan's Island has Gilligan catch a wooden crate while fishing. He opens the top and tosses it aside only to discover all kinds of vegetable seeds inside. They plant the seeds, which grow at an astronomical rate and look bizarre. Nevertheless, they eat them and soon discover superpowers. Maryanne ate tons of carrots and can see halfway across the island. Gilligan ate spinach and becomes super strong. Mrs. Howell ate tons of sugar beets, so she goes on a sugar high, cleaning her hut at lightning speed. Then comes an announcement on the radio of experimental radioactive seeds having fallen overboard near Hawaii. The report notes that the crate was clearly marked. Gilligan retrieves the lid from the crate, which is indeed marked radioactive.

At first everyone is lying around not sure what to do, when the professor discovers in his books that they need to keep moving around so the radiation doesn't settle in one place and kill them. He subsequently discovers (using big fancy professor lingo) that the best way to fight the effects is to eat lots of plant fats, since they'll encase the radioactive particles in the body. One assumes they'll poop or pee them out, although those terms were never used in the show in that era. The  best source of plant fats they have is the soap they make for themselves. So, they sit down and all begin eating soap, which results in bubbles coming out of their mouths in huge quantities. The special effects for this were pretty bad. The professor's island geiger counter suggests it's working. However, Gilligan starts to form a huge bubble that keeps growing until it's bigger than a beach ball. It then explodes.

Cue end credits.

The professor's description of why they need to eat plant fats to counter the radiation reminded me of Data babble on Star Trek The Next Generation. Just complicated enough that most people in the 60's wouldn't know the difference.

One of their better episodes.

1,982

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I almost forgot about Snoke. Talk about a short character arc. The elevator full of people that plunged to their deaths in Kdot's story had a better run than Snoke.

The only thing that can save this trilogy now is if Kylo Ren turns away from the dark side. The Star Wars EU had a character named Jacen, who was Han and Leia's son. He turned to the dark side and caused countless deaths, so much so that it was obvious he had to die. It would have been a far more interesting story to watch him redeem himself. Jacen was killed by his twin sister Jaina. I wonder if they're setting up Kylo and Rey to rehash that story. Wouldn't surprise me given how much they keep rehashing parts of the original trilogy.

1,983

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Finally saw the Last Jedi on Netflix. Meh. The opening with Poe going unopposed against a destroyer was ludicrous. The idea that the admiral had to sacrifice herself to plow into Snoke's ship was also dumb. Even my story has AIs that can ram vessels. On the other hand, the ending with Luke projecting himself across space was more believable than I expected. If I hadn't known about that spoiler, the scene with Luke surviving all of that cannon fire would have been mind blowing.

I would use Fiverr again, though. I just need to be clear about what I'm expecting.

I received my first two trial chapters back from the Fiverr editor. There were virtually no edits, and certainly nothing in depth. Here's what the editor promised on her Fiverr page:

A focus on grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, consistency, pacing, flow, redundancies, tenses, dialog correction, transitions, clarity, general improvement, and readability.

Here's the fine print at the end of her Fiverr page that I missed:

... includes copy editing and proofreading as described above. If you need developmental/project/stylistic/structural editing contact me.

Based on the first description above, I assumed I was buying a line edit, not a copy edit.

Lesson learned.
Dirk

Naming contest. Father Gregory Fernando was Spanish in my short story. In the trilogy, him being Spanish serves no purpose, so I intend to make him Italian, with a first name of Gregorio. I've looked at common Italian surnames and have whittled it down to these:

Romano
Rivera
Gallo
Costa

I like Romano best, but a substantial part of the story is set in Rome, so it's not very creative. Rivera is Italian, but its origin is Spanish.

Suggestions?

1,987

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

This week's episode of Gilligan's Island involved the crash of a huge meteorite on the island. The professor builds a geiger counter to test it for harmful rays. They discover it is putting out huge quantities of cosmic rays. The professor concludes that by putting up a lead-coated fence around it, they can focus the rays to be spotted by a plane overhead. To install the fence, they coat their clothes and skin with lead, then proceed. There is a small sapling next to the crash site. As they walk away, they hear a strange sound, which happens to be the lead fence disintegrating from - get this - old age. In the meantime, the sapling has grown into a tall tree. The professor concludes the cosmic rays are causing everything on the island to age at an enormously accelerated rate and that they have only a week left to live. They hear on the radio that an electrical storm is coming, so they create a lightning rod and stick it into the meteorite. Lightning strikes the meteor and it disintegrates, leaving no measurable cosmic rays behind.

Isn't lead smeared on skin dangerous for one's health? It drove plenty of Roman emperor's insane from drinking out of lead vessels.

I think I need to increase the nonsensical science in my book to keep up with the show. In hindsight, it amazes me that so many kids went into science because of the professor.

I found it surprising how hard it is to write fiction, even after years of technical writing, including a thesis.

Horton hears a Who.

You can also check out Fiverr for freelance editors. I decided to submit my first two chapters ($100 for 10,000 words) as a trial. Turnaround is approximately 10 days. I'll let you know how it turns out. There are multiple editors on the site with different levels of experience, although not all edit fiction.

In surfing around for editor prices, I found that a comprehensive line edit will cost about $0.02 per word, or $2K for a 100K book. The price is higher or lower depending on the type of editing you need (developmental editing, line editing, or copy editing). Be careful about the definitions of these terms. Line editing is sometimes referred to as copy editing on some sites I visited.

https://nybookeditors.com/2015/01/copye … e-editing/

1,991

(62 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

How then do we explain The Lord of the Rings, with its meandering plot and nauseating attention to every blade of grass?

A potentially useful site: https://kindlepreneur.com/book-editors/

Also, sign up for Grammarly for a month and run your manuscript through it. It catches many errors. Others prefer ProWritingAid, although I couldn't get it to run on my computer, and the support was lousy (one email reply per day).

Below is a link to another book editor that landed in my lap recently. He charges 2 cents per word for a thorough edit, which equals $2,000 for a 100K book. Her charges more depending on how deep you want the edit to be. If you have a prologue, you may want to steer clear of him. He has a number of rules spelled out on his site, including the fact that "prologues suck". He offers a trial edit for $250 for 5K words. I would definitely recommend a trial edit before going with him.

https://thejohnfox.com/book-editing-services/

Haven't tried them, but yes, they are expensive. Google for book editors for cost comparisons. Also, google 'bookbaby complaints' to see what problems others have had with them. On their own website, they advertise themselves as rating four out of five stars.

1,996

(62 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Linda Lee wrote:

Tags aren't only to identify a speaker...they prevent reader confusion, create rhythms, elevate, maintain or break tension (beats), and provide avenues to insert action. But in most cases, if a writer finds themselves explaining too much in the tag, or relying too heavily on a tag to convey the desired sentiment, they should probably consider taking a second look at the quality of the dialogue itself.

Hear! Hear!

There will also be a cab driver named Leonardo. :-)

Character names:

Those keeping up with this thread know that my main character in the new trilogy will be Connor, which I decided is short for Constantino, a common Italian name.

Connor has an uncle who works in the Vatican police, the Gendarmerie. His name is Michelangelo, but he goes by Angelo, which is also a common Italian first name.

The names are tributes to the two characters in the vampire TV series, who inspired the trilogy. I bet most people won't even make the connection.

Thoughts?

1,999

(62 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Mistake #5 - Dialogue Tags: I get it. Using “he said” and “she said” is boring. However, dialogue tags are meant to be functional and not descriptive.
Gee, how about trying tags that are functional and descriptive? If your going to put a word on the page, making it serve more than one purpose seems like common sense.

Or how about the way those tags distract the user? When one of my admirals snapped at one of her subordinates, I didn't hear any feedback from distracted reviewers.

Sure, they can be overused, but having to read a fancy dialogue tag doesn't distract me in the least. Why should I write a sentence showing how my admiral is pissed off when I'm in the middle of a fast-moving battle and short choppy sentences are best suited for the scene?

Technically, I could have written "As you were, Ensign!" the admiral said, and let the exclamation mark serve in lieu of a snapping dialogue tag, but I find that I scan over punctuation marks since they're so small. I use said for regular conversation and other tags to give them added weight.

Language question. The Lord of the Earth is partially set in Rome and includes numerous Italians. Even Constantino ("Connor") De Luca is Italian. I'm debating how best to handle the language spoken throughout the story. Technically most of it should be in Italian, although I'm naturally writing the whole thing in English (except for the names of Italian people, places, and things). However, I want to avoid having to constantly repeat that people are speaking in Italian. The best option I can think of is to slip in the name of the spoken language only when it changes. New characters entering a scene would be expected to speak whatever language I last referenced. Some people in the Holy Land may speak English, so there may be a little back and forth there.

Edit: Basically what this means is that I say once, in the first scene, that they're speaking Italian, and then I don't name the language again until they start speaking English in act two in the Holy Land. There will be a few phone conversations between Father Romano, who accompanies Connor to the Middle East, and a cardinal in Rome. Those will be in Italian, but I doubt I'll mention it.

Thoughts?