My Galactipedia entry for the starlanes (my version of hyperspace) is up as chapter 14.
This entry makes use of njc's initials in FTL and time travel equations developed by Professor R. Hinkley. Apparently, there's a mysterious link between the equations.
Quick, go read!
Dirk
The chapter "The Havens Explode" is up. It's a modest rewrite of the same chapter from v2. Major changes include Joseph and Paul being kidnapped and the reintroduction of the little girl who briefly ended up in Joseph's head before I punted her from the last draft. Here her name is Billie, named for TNBW user Bill K. who inspired her, and she has a very different personality that will soon horrify Joseph.
Quick, go read!
Thanks
Dirk
What about female guards? Guardswoman? And what if it's both men and woman? Still use Guardsmen?
I need to rehash something. I have several guard forces in the story, referred to as the Royal Guard, the Praetorian Guard, and the Elite Guard (to replace the Candidatii, which I dislike). Rather than constantly refer to these guards as "members of" or "officers of" the Praetorian/Royal/Elite Guard, I was considering simply referring to them as Praetorian guard(s), Royal guard(s), and Elite guard(s). So, the entities are always capitalized (e.g., the Guard), but the members are always lowercase (the guard(s)). Is that enough of a distinction to be clear? Another option is to simply refer to the individuals as Praetorian Guard(s), Royal Guard(s), and Elite Guard(s) and allow the reader to figure it out from context. For ambiguous cases, I can always be explicit. Seabrass uses City Watch and City Watchman.
Thoughts?
Congratulations.
Wow! Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well.
Very helpful.
Dirk
P.S. Why aren't you teaching writing courses?
MrBillyD, I suggest posting your request for reviews to the Premium group as well to get the largest possible audience. This group is small and you may not get enough feedback.
Hi Peony. Welcome to the site. I have a sci-fi (space opera) book called Into the Mind of God up on the site, as well as a mystery/thriller short story called Connor. I noticed you haven't posted anything yet. You'll find a lot of people here who would be glad to give you feedback.
The design of the guards' helmets is straight out of Star Wars.
When I reverse translate that, I get emperor of Japan.
More searching turns up koutei as the generic version of emperor. So Baka Koutei is the martial art, which Apollo thinks may mean mangled testicles.
Idiot is baka.
K, any idea if either of the following two words is correct for (generic) emperor (i.e., not the Japanese emperor): mikado or koutei? Wiktionary says mikado is emperor of Japan. I got koutei from a Romaji translator, but neither wiktionary nor Google recognize it as emperor.
Looks like emperor is mikado.
K, do you happen to know what the Romaji word for emperor is?
The plot thickens. I can translate something humorous (e.g., "idiot emperor") to Romaji, then have Apollo incorrectly translate it to mangled testicles. Only actual Japanese speakers or someone willing to try translating it will know. My Romaji translator doesn't seem to reliably generate a word that Google recognizes as emperor, though.
I like foe, but broken foe is too straight. Mangled foe, on the other hand, may be too demented. I found a Romaji translator. It translates broken foe to koware ta teki and mangled foe to hason shi ta teki. I use the name several times in one chapter, so shorter may be better.
On a whim, I entered crushed testicles and got oshitsubusa kougan. That gave me the idea to make up a reasonable-sounding Japanese word that Apollo's research suggests "might" mean mangled testicles. That leaves the actual translation unspecified.
Naming contest. I need a name for the nasty martial arts invented by the demented Samurai. It's actually based on real Israeli military fighting techniques, meant to inflict maximum damage as quickly as possible. I originally called it Glorious Death (something after Worf's heart), then changed it to Banzai, but I find that name too silly (K says I told you so). Whatever the name, it still needs an element of tongue in cheek. A real Japanese word might be good. Maybe one of these days Google will implement English-to-Romaji translations to play with. Anyone know what the Romaji word for bitch slap is? :-)
How about a new chapter from you, K...
Based on Don Chambers's feedback, I've renamed my short story to Connor to make the ending more of a surprise. It's posted under Mysteries & Thrillers. It's also on my profile page. I'm definitely turning it into my next book, albeit with a different setting and ending. Now if I can just finish my current tome.
How are you doing, Amy?
My next chapter, Defending a Fair Maiden's Honor, is up. This used to be called The Imperial Heir Strikes. Most of it is unchanged. Just did some world building and cleanup, gave it a new epigraph, and made Gaia (aka Aphrodite) into a bit of a slut for her first major appearance. She'll be pursuing Apollo aggressively.
Quick, go read!
Thanks
Dirk
She wore a cream-colored dress and matching shoes. The dress, wrapped loosely around her thighs, was pinned at her collar by an ornate red stone that glittered under the harsh rays of Bethelem's sun. Her shoes were suede, and everyone knows yellow suede signififies only the hardiest of souls.
You scare me sometimes. You had me until the yellow suede shoes.
I used "with matching shoes" a lot when describing Aphrodite's outfits in v2. I copied that style from someone else, but I can't seem to get used to it. Is it common?
She wore a cream-colored, wraparound dress made of lightweight silk, with matching shoes.
Just read that Star Wars 8 will be introducing an Elite Praetorian Guard for Snoke. Seriously? Why not introduce iPhones as well if they want Earth terms in a galaxy far, far away. The Praetorian Guard plays a substantial role in my book, but at least my story is based on the real Roman Empire. I wonder how long it will take before they have Legionarii, Classiarii, and Candidatii. I better get my butt in gear before they trademark the damn thing.
For those who dislike my Galactipedia articles, you'll be happy to know the one about New Bethlehem is gone. After I dropped the Trump-inspired preacher, it served no useful purpose. The key content from that article is now two paragraphs in the chapter that follows it. That leaves just The Great Collapse of Civilization and The Rise of the Julii. There will be one more soon in Act I about Prof. Hinkley and his discovery of FTL travel and the coconut-powered time machine. Those may be the only ones in the book, actually, since there's plenty of nonsense in the epigraphs from here on.
