1. Keep Spirit-of-Wind's name and continue to refer to him as Mayan.
2. Keep his name and drop the reference to Mayan, leaving his name unexplained.
3. Drop Mayan and rename him to something more familiar from Western culture? (Technically, Spirit-of-Wind is not a true Mayan name; it's Anglicized.)
Thoughts?
I don't think it adds to the milieu because the next mention of Mayans is hundreds of pages away.
I blush, or do I mean I can feel heat rising into my face? More showy...
Thanks for the review, m'lady.
I have a question about Captain Spirit-of-Wind in the prologue. I mention that he's Mayan in the chapter as a quick way to explain his name, but he plays no pivotal role in the chapter (he just carries out the admiral's orders then blows himself up). The Mayans appear late in the second act and may have a larger role in v3 than they did in v2, but there's no interesting link I can create between the captain and the Mayans, unless I dedicate more page-space to him, which I can't do because the prologue is already too long.
Question: Is there any point in having him be Mayan with a fancy name if it plays no lasting role in the story? I might just as well call him Smith.
Thanks
Dirk
And let's not forget blushing. I know when I'm blushing, but have been told it's better (more showy) to say "heat rose into his face". Personally, I prefer blushing.
Thank you, gents.
I've had several people note that the POV character in my story can't see his eyes go wide, but rather he widens his eyes. I've never seen it written using the latter approach. I tend to think that if you're sufficiently surprised by something, it doesn't require conscious thought to widen one's eyes, hence "his eyes went wide." Thoughts?
Thanks.
Dirk
Back when I was working a particularly complicated technology project, I used to walk up and down Manhattan after work. Every time I had a good idea, I would find at a payphone and leave myself a message. The 21st century equivalent is a simple voice recorder. They're very small and lightweight and easily fit into a pocket.
You're an amateur when it comes to losing ideas, Charles. :-) I sometimes forget them even as I scramble to write them down. Sleeping pills will do that.
I remember now, I did a detailed spreadsheet only to find out that as long as non-vaccinated women have non-vaccinated babies up to age 40, I couldn't drive the population low enough for the story. It seesaws like crazy, though, for a few decades. So I did an asspull and arbitrarily chose 2B. I'm considering going down to 1B to eliminate any potential G20 resistance to the Imperium.
I eliminated the crazy preacher from the Galaxinet article and replaced him with a more rational history that happens to include the British Royal Family as the beginning of New Bethlehem's Monarchy, which still gives me King David as Joseph's ancient ancestor. In the revised version, the planet is founded by conservative Christians primarily from the United States and the United Kingdom.
I forgot about the vaccine, but the population crash from 10B to 2B humans included the assumption that older non-vaccinated adults had more non-vaccinated kids. Had a whole spreadsheet for the calculations.
Okay, one more change: Admiral Alexis St. James.
Classy, British, and religious. It's a real, if uncommon, surname (e.g., Susan Saint James).
Stuart wins. I like the royal lineage.
Qui? Another one I like is Wales.
I looked up aristocratic names from England. Slim pickings. The best was Berkshire. Less snooty than Northumberland. I'm still leaning toward Stuart because it was a royal line.
Joseph will still be named Joseph Alexander Windsor, so the name doesn't go away. It just switches to the mother and the name of the royal line.
If I went with Admiral Alexis Stuart, then Joseph could be Windsor-Stuart, based on the idea that the Windsor name is always present, and the spouse's last name is tacked on the end.
Possible last names:
Connor - a nod to Angel's son (a seriously disturbed teen) in the TV series
Welsh - seems aristocratic
Hunter - suggests strength, which fits the admiral
Northumberland - probably too snooty
Stuart - a dead royal line, but still aristocratic
Preferences?
She's not royalty, so I wouldn't use Mountbatten for her, although it is a good name.
Naming question. Joseph, like Queen Elizabeth, is descended from King David. His father's mother is named Admiral Windsor and she is not royalty. The royal line runs through Joseph's mother, the Regent. Since there are few royal families left these days, I was considering making him descended from Queen Elizabeth. That suggests his mother's name should be Windsor, rather than his father's name, assuming one keeps the name of the royal line for 2000 years (unlikely, but what the hell). Technically, it's Elizabeth Windsor-Mountbatten, but it used to be Windsor. I'm leaning toward renaming the admiral to at least avoid any confusion.
Thoughts?
Go for lofty. Gives it an epic feel, assuming you want that. How do the four interact/relate? There's no obvious connection.
Typo - lay should be lie in 2nd to last paragraph.
My latest chapter, Shadow of the Antichrist, is up. This is an all-new chapter. Joseph confides in Elder Amos (almost) everything that's been going on. I've extended Joseph's concern about unleashing a holy war to actually becoming the Antichrist. This is a slower chapter than I usually do, but I felt it was a necessary step for a devout Christian in these circumstances to seek help from his pastor. I kept it mercifully short by my standard. Let me know if you think it should be expanded further.
Quick, go read!
Thanks
Dirk
Technically, if you follow njc's definition, you don't think about where you are, what you're wearing, who's next to you, what building you're in, etc. Nevertheless, I went with thoughts swirling.
Question: can one notice one surroundings while lost in thought? I've got Joseph lost in thought, but am describing his surroundings...
War? They're simply defending their planet from the Imperium.
Nevertheless, I don't plan to name his denomination. I was just trying to decide if I needed a confessional. And if I need to rename Rosary, the palace droid. No to the former, yes to the latter.
There seem to be a lot of different names for a place in a church where Elder Amos and Joseph can go for a chat after services. The vestry is too busy with the choir changing out of their robes. Some churches have a parlor. Others have an attached living area. It's Amazing Grace Cathedral (the grandest church in Eden, where the Royal Family worships), so I'm not sure I want a living area attached to it. Sitting area? A study?
Like you said, I'll make something up.
It's not an area I want to explore right now. My purpose in choosing a Christian denomination for Joseph is primarily one of how to unfold the scene where he confides in Elder Amos everything that's going on inside him. Protestant is the most practical, otherwise I have to get into the Pope/Vatican, which would be a distraction for this book. I can explore the different faith groups if I write a sequel to this book.
