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Finished chapter 56 of Cobber's State of Vengeance.

Chekov's gun should be the opposite of subtle, it should be noticeable. What is noticeable often draws interest because it's noticeable. When a police officer approaches you and you're not sure why, it is definitely the gun holstered at his side that will grab your attention. The LEO has a gun and that rivets your interest, but you don't know what will be done with that gun, the mystery factor, which can "be fired" in a later chapter. So for example, 10 chapters later, the officer is found shot to death with his gun, and your fingerprints are all over it.

Chekov's gun on a table is noticeable and draws interest, but the reason why it's on the table is the part that can be subtle or unexplained at that point in time. If Chekov's gun is hardly noticeable or not noticed at all then the effect falls apart for that lost opportunity at that moment in time because the reader goes right past it and doesn't attach any interest to it. The interest factor is compounded when later the gun is seen to be fired and the immediate connection in the reader's mind to the earlier "Is that a gun?" is linked.

Just a quick reminder for our general reviewing modus operandi. We are continuing to follow Matthew Abelack's original idea of reviewing more than 1 chapter of the person up on the rotation list in general. So it's a minimum of 2 chapters if they are normal sized as indicated by the points. For example, let's use me and Cobber as the extremes at both ends of the bell curve.

While I probably write the longest chapters, Cobber probably writes the shortest among us. It is perfectly reasonable to only review 1 of my chapters if it's one that runs 5 or 6 points. It is completely unreasonable to only review 1 of Cobber's chapters that are normally set at just over a half point.

Now, if you chose to be mean to me and reviewed 10 points worth of chapters when I'm up on on your rotation list, which translates to 2 of my larger ones, then I may need to review 5 or 6 or more of your chapters when I get back to you on rotation, but I will reciprocate those points back.

This is fair, I think, and easy to work out since the points indicated per chapter can be used as a simple guide.

Let me know if there's anything confusing here.

Here's how I see that. Johan is going to have to do more than just identify himself. After identifying himself the rest of Earth's leadership or military higher ups or both are simply going to wonder who he is and why should they listen to any warning from him? Maybe it's a trick to lower Earth's defenses. When the U.S.S. Indianapolis, a heavy cruiser carrying the 2 nukes to end the war with Japan was sunk, a base commander thought the SOS message was a trick to lure his ships into a trap. See how easy it is for the military to not believe it is what it is?

So Johan is going to have to do some fast talking after identifying himself, which I think you should not wait on. Revealing him earlier helps your story because unlike the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt", I feel in a story familiarity helps bond with the story and take in the story concepts easier with less unknown quantities and less guessing. You should only want to *hide* an identity until later because that's associated with some sort of a big surprise impact. That's not the case here. If he reveals himself later it changes nothing--the MiBB armada is still in position to attack.

I also think you should use dialogue to pull Johan's backstory out for his audience to see. Earth's representatives should ask him pertinent questions and his answers will show the reader how he provides his backstory to the others in communication with him. The questions from Earth's representatives should have the flavor of *depending on what you say* because, correct me if I'm wrong on this, but there is not any instance where your story gives a reason for Earth's leaders to be completely trustful of the Terrapoets, right? From the Earth's defense leadership at this point, the Terrapoets are at best considered a neutral third party and at worst the friend of my enemy is my enemy.

On a different note, I don't like his moniker--Nightstalker. He should use a moniker that points to what he is about. Like an elite computer hacker that uses the handle "Shieldbreaker". I thought about suggesting "Overwatch" but that's a common one taken to mean snipers in the battlefield. Good monikers are hard for me to come up with.

Completed reviews for Matthew Abelack's Krudges: The Girl Who Lost the Earth chapter 29 (final chapter) and chapter 1 for the sequel - book 2.

I just turned in Cobber's chapter 49 and will be moving on to chapter 50. I'm going to post some of my main thoughts so far on Cobber's SoV work. My ideas will come as nothing new to Cobber who has already seen them posted on my reviews, but I want them in the forum for any open discussion as C J has done. We're a little too quiet on our forum brainstorming IMO and agreeing or disagreeing or adding on to such open discussions ultimately helps Cobber. But chirping crickets not so much, right?

Hmm, Cobber, do you mean, like C J is asking, that there is a certain day/time you have to completely take down SoV? If that's the case, I'm sorry I misunderstood, and was doing line editing on the sequential chapters I left off from. I can drop the editing, read through the chapters, and pick up my reviews from Chapter 41 onward if time permits. I read pretty damn fast when I all I need to do is read. I can get to your chapter 41, just from reading, in about 3-4 hours from where I am at now on reviews.

Hello everyone,

I want to update all of you that access to our group has been given to long time member NJC.

Now, I haven't forgotten that by majority consent our group is limited to 8 members. NJC is already busy with another review group he's in plus other commitments, so we are all on the same page. I simply wanted him to have a place to centralize any of his follow up review comments.

He's already reviewing many of our members as it is. Rather than have him post a message here, there, and anywhere else when he wants to expand on an idea, it's much better if he can use the forum here where each of us already has a devoted section for follow up comments.

I always try to take actions that will benefit all of you, and this is something I feel will help both us and NJC.

Those of you who are already benefiting from his reviews will have noticed he isn't your average reviewer. Most reviewers can pick out awkwardly phrased lines, grammar nits, and the overall flavor of the chapter they are reviewing. Those like NJC can go beyond that and detect how the mood is built, the energy of the lines and paragraphs, and if one is building toward the pivotal point correctly.

I think it would have been more accurate if I had used the word *tension* where many times I used the word conflict in my reviews. From now on, I'll try to focus on using the term conflict for larger scales versus smaller items.

From what I gathered, there are several ways to engineer the plot. One of the most used is the 3 Act Structure. In that form the first conflict point occurs around the 25% mark of the novel followed by the second major conflict point at roughly the 50% mark and the final climax-tying loose ends together-conflict point is at the 75% mark.

Whether you are following such a systematic approach or not, your first conflict point is good to go IMO. It was presented early and clear enough to the reader to pick up on without trouble. The discovery of the diatoms, the adverse environmental impact the blooms can deliver, and Tony, the main character, trying to not only learn more about the issue but rally support are all identifiable. As a reader, I would both hope and expect as the chapters go by that this diatom bloom will manifest into something that is clearly a threat with dire consequences, needing to be dealt with ASAP. I'd be sure enough to bet you didn't set it up as something passive-aggressive like if nothing is done about them then in a 100 years the Earth will have a CO2 increase of 2% or such. The threat has to be felt near enough to raise alarms and large enough to scare the reader. The blooms grow exponentially and begin creating toxins that kill sea life which causes people who depend on the sea for food and trade to suffer etc. - something like that.

Romance component - We find this included in story lines to varying degrees far more often than not, and it truly does cross genre boundaries. You find romance in science fiction, fantasy, historical fiction, etc. Souring Seas has this component and it's featured or at least the beginning development of it right off the bat with the opening scene and Beth across the street seeing Tony coming out of the shower heading for the phone. Sure, we don't actually know it's going to go in the romance direction but what was well done about that is to provide just enough to the reader to anticipate it. Well done there. The romantic rivalries are in play as well. Tony starts off feeling the rivalry for Beth's boyfriend once he learns of him and this seems to grow stronger over time. My question about Jacinta possibly feeling a rivalry was because I didn't recall anything in narrative or otherwise that indicated why she would not be considered available. Was there a mentioned reason the reader could pick up on as to why Tony would know she is unavailable? If I remember correctly there was a line in a past chapter where Tony couldn't help but compare Jacinta to Beth in his mind, but that part wasn't coming out strong enough to lead the reader to believe Tony couldn't bring himself to be attracted to Jacinta or such as an example.

Tension - There are many ways to create this and some ways can be as obvious as having a character with a gun pointed at them to far more subtle ways like a rival stealing research from the character. It may not be possible to have such tension in every chapter but we should all strive to have as many chapters as we can include it. I can speak from experience and say what happens when there is not enough or none at all. My very first posting of chapter 1 got around 20 reviews I think. All 20 reviews were brutally honest and told me in different words to go back and learn how to construct a chapter/story before posting again. I did that and re-posted a completely different chapter from scratch. I remember John Hamler, on this site, bluntly told me my chapter pissed him off because everyone was getting along, and it seemed like one big chorus line of characters singing "We are the world". He explained readers get drawn in and held by tension / conflict / characters disagreeing and seeing how to approach problems differently etc. So that's what I'll pass along. I'm still smarting a bit from an outside review that I remember asked me "Can you write better than a 5th grader?" as a parody point from the show - Can you beat a 5th grader? Anyways, you do have such a character in Tony's rival who insists everything can be approached as a scientific model in generalities. A tension example using adversary Steve could be can you imagine how Tony would feel if he suddenly found out that Steve was invited onto their research team so to speak and Steve accepted? Tony would then have to deal with the little monster on a daily basis practically. Just an example and I don't want to be seen as blundering in on your creative process. I don't want you to think I am not respecting the boundaries between reviewer and author.

The final item I'd like to mention (finally, the long-winded Jube has reached the end of his preaching sermon!) is although you mentioned Jacinta was already designed with a tension/conflict point with Tony in the area of beliefs, bear in mind she, and any other character, can have more than one nail that stands up and refuses to be hammered down. What if Jacinta finds out about Beth being pregnant and Tony interested in her? You could spin that as a irate point with her where she believes Tony's interest in a pregnant woman is immoral despite being told the boyfriend is gone. Maybe she questions Tony if he intends to pursue her with marriage in mind and gets upset at him when he says he doesn't know. A clash of cultures, a clash of beliefs, a clash of morals.

Alkemi, your reviews are always useful, and I read many of them before this review group was formed as our reviews did at times cross paths on the same author. Also, I believe you are our group's only bona-fide scientist, so there will come a time when we may need to ask you on the forums for some scientific insight. I remember once reading about a guy who desperately was looking for scientific feedback because in his story he had a world that wasn't spherical and didn't know how gravity would play out to affect how the people on that world walked, and developed.

I'll toss in my 2 cents and agree with C J here. In the chapters I just finished reviewing, this part did come up and I was taken aback at how Tony, who has been so far portrayed as a scientific under control and thinks things through kind of guy would come out and ask Beth who he doesn't really know all that well such a question.

As to the science, yes, I think it's interesting in how it's gradually being built up for the reader as an environmental threat, but I'll say again the science should be the supporting pillar to your story and the characters plus how they interact and react to others and situations should be the meat and potatoes of your story.

My feeling is you have to divide yourself into Alkemi the scientist and Alkemi the writer. The writer within you should be out most of the time, and the scientist should take center stage when the science is being explained in the story.

I haven't read any of his chapters but for it's contribution to the subject at hand, I skimmed some of Dom Chambers chapters. He's a fellow scientist on this writer site and was writing about werewolves. His characterization is prominent and he uses a fair amount of gestures and animation for his characters. Here are some examples from one of his chapters: "and expelled a sigh of relief" / "Carter scowled" / "He bit his hand until pain replaced the memory" / Now, he is writing a piece that requires a higher pace and more action so Souring Seas should definitely not take the same pacing/action approach, but you can incorporate body language and verbal queues in your characters for a greater effect.

I forgot to ask after reviewing the last chapter in the series on this review cycle, but it seemed with Jacinta's reaction and easy to indifferent acceptance of Tony's announcement of a new girlfriend that any possible love interest in both directions or one direction between Jacinta and Tony is a no go? As their creator, you know whether or not there is to be any involvement between Jacinta and Tony but to the reader, you've done a good job of leaving the question hanging over their heads for the reader to wonder about. The wondering seems to be over though with her lack of reaction to the news. If you wanted to keep that door open for future chapters, it could be done by showing a bit of jealousy on her part to the news.

Suin, I actually do check from time to time on who makes the 20 day mark or not. It's easy enough to plot the dates and let my Excel worksheet fill in if 20 days was met or not. Not only do I spot check, I also go to anyone who has missed the 20 mark's profile page and look if they have done reviews in that time for someone outside our review group. I guess I fall under the category of believing in a person's desire to rise to sainthood while never forgetting to lock my door behind me

I do want to be very clear on this point. We do work off the honor system and everyone has mostly adhered to that (Because we are an honorable group of 8 individuals ). When someone doesn't make the 20 day mark, like everyone else, I figure it's simply because they got a little too busy. The reason no one hears any noise about it from me is simply because the honor system has worked for us. Even those who have missed their quota often will come back, and post extra reviews as makeups on their own. It has not happened, and I doubt it ever will that a member would take in reviews and begin cutting corners. Like consistently missing the 20 day mark and/or providing skimming type reviews that are third rate work on our other members. I would notice that at some point during my spot checks and would have to remove/replace the member from our review group.

The reviews we each receive and provide each other are like golden currency. For example, has anyone mused how much it would cost to dig in your wallet/purse to pay someone with writing experience (writing a good number of chapters qualifies on this point) to spend an hour or more to review and provide edits would cost? It would cost a lot. The 8 of us can and do provide the kind of reviews to each other that can easily surpass an average reader's eyes. Each member of our group is carefully selected for their ability and understanding of how our system benefits themselves as well as the group--a win win so to speak.

As such, I feel it is my responsibility to keep our tranquil pond free of falling rocks. I get periodic requests from others to join our group and I always turn them down for the reasons mentioned.

So for all members please note, don't feel like you are setting aside your valuable time to make the 20 day mark, but it doesn't matter because no one is bothering to check. I'm checking.....

Completed reviews for CJ's Raven's Curse, chapters 7,8, and 9.