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I get that it looks like dinner was also put to bed, but that's not the point. The point is: is it important to know the kids were put to bed? Why not simply 'After dinner, Gisselle ...' and that's it? So these are my questions:

Why is it important to know 'after dinner'?
It gives me the time of day. No probs.

Why is it important to know 'after H&G were put to bed'?
....... Uhm ... I have no idea. *reads on and get to end of chapter* I still have no idea.

You leave me hanging. So it's either important and then you need to explain to me why it is important that they are in bed because I don't know from the sentence or the rest of the chapter (remember, you wrote it such that I paused and started to wonder) or it's not important and then it shouldn't be there.

Just to clarify - my problem isn't so much the repetition of the word, but more your choice of word to repeat and the place where you're repeating it.

I know I've asked you plenty of times if you have deliberately chosen to repeat words - and you confirmed that you did it on purpose. Those times I went okay with me, because it 'worked' and had purpose in my opinion. This time, I'm not so sure there is purpose behind the repetition. So basically, I'm left wondering why the need to repeat it and why not simply using what Amy said: 

"After dinner and the children were put to bed, Glasselle sat down to explore her new Atlas."

Your version is giving a lot of importance to two events (it takes the focus away from Glasselle IMO which I thought was the focal point of the chapter as I've read/understood it). There's no apparent reason forthcoming in the chapter that I read why this is important to note that she only explored her atlas after dinner AND after H&G were put to bed. If it is important enough that you want your reader to pause/stop and ponder the purpose of this sentence/the repetition, I think it's important enough then to give them that reason in the same chapter. As it is, you leave me hanging and wondering (and not in a good way).

But this is me and what I'm reading and thinking as some readers would. And if that's okay with you, it's okay with me!

Another thing: Harsel and Gelsa draws a very strong parallel to Hansel and Gretel - just so that you know someone has picked up on it!

Everyone around here will tell you this: first write, then edit. So yes, go back to this after your first draft is done, absolutely. You don't have to update/edit your chapters before you can post new ones otherwise it will take forever to get to the end. And plenty of times the solution to a sticky point came to me while I wrote another chapter - my original file is littered with little notes like *add more XYZ here* ...

Oh, and by the way njc, I got 0.16 points for the review I just did! whoo-hoo!

Heya Kennedy

How to make readers care about your characters - here's my take on it. I'm sure the others will chime in with their far superior advice (honest compliment!) to help you (and me) out.

Okay, like I said, if you can answer this question, it's a good start already:

What makes Alex unique/special/different to anyone else in the world?

The easiest way to check if you're meeting this is by swapping any two characters in your book and see how it changes things. If the book will flow and end as it would've without the swap, you're in trouble.

So how do you make character's unique/special/different?

Internal motivation. What drives them and them only.

For example, did Alex gave her word to her dying father that she would find his killer? Even if she promises that to herself, it will still work. See, now it's hard to change her with any other character, because it's unlikely that any other character had made the same promise, right? And now readers will care (not 100% - that's what the rest of the book is for - but at least something more than nothing). Because if anything happens to Alex or if she's in any danger, then she won't be able to keep her promise, and then we panic more than just being presented with a MC in danger because we are emotionally invested, like your MC Alex, that she have to find her dad's killer no matter what and she can't fail, it's too important. And now she's in danger too?! It's too much, and I'll read on to see if she escapes/survives because me too wants her to find that SOB. (<----- emotional response = what you want!)

What you've done in the first chapter isn't wrong at all - you have all the good ingredients for a first chapter: mystery, a cliffhanger ending, a great introduction to the MC's. All I'm saying is, it needs just a little bit more around the introduction to your characters and their motivation to make them unique and me care about them ...

Does this help?

No!!!!! Dammit. Don't get a pininterest board thingy!!! You're supposed to be the Amy decoy!

It's a problem though - that would mean it's not Catherine's idea ... and I kind of liked that. Having the fair/celebration a bit sooner would work, but won't be as good as it being her idea and she fully owns it.

Just when you think you're ahead ...

Religious holidays/saint's days - timing is out for any of the recognized ones (and I don't want to invent something new so close to reality, it will be too easy to be taken as a research fail?). I can probably change the time to coincide with one of the holidays, but not too much, otherwise it's going to be winter too soon or winter too late for Black J's book. Solstice - probably the same ... dammit, I like that one.

M's birthday ... will work.

So what do you think about Catherine proposing a fair vs. proposing to move it sooner? And it will have to be way sooner, otherwise they can just as well wait a couple of weeks or a month and hope for the best ie no input from C needed - and way sooner equals obvious but probably the same as having a surprise party.

The church needs a new roof ... that's the current excuse.

Amy, from what I know when you get that kind of c-section ie the not planned kind it's full on put you under, they wouldn't risk an epidural, so she would've been knocked out stone cold .... I call bs for this reason as well as that in my opinion the baby's head must've have crowned already for a natural birth to have happened, so no, she didn't push Olive out, he was either delivered by c-section or pulled out..

Also, 'lost the baby'? Sounds like the last thing my gyne would've said and something I might have dreamed up in my sleepy drugged out state. There are only a few places bub can be ... Now, I don't know, but you cut the uterus open, they would've seen his legs/feet at least - a c-section cut is below the bikini line - they couldn't find Olive? Bs.

This reads to me like the typical woman who doesn't want a c-section despite medical advise that her baby is in danger because 'they know better and women delivering by c-section are not really mothers/weak/taking the easy way out. She's about to find out how 'easy' a really c-section is ... I've known a few women who had both (natural followed by c-sec) and who said that natural is much easier. Not so much during giving birth, but the recovery afterwards.

I'm just glad the bub is okay!

There will be two contests at the fair. The idea is to have a 'grand' prize for the archery one. That's already in. (It's scary how you predict what I'm already planning to do or rather how much we think alike but overall not bad at all since it's independent support and approval that I'm on the right dirt road!)

What I like is your idea of it being planned already. So I can go with either 'not cancelling' after Geordie's death or with holding it a few weeks earlier than planned because M can't sit around and wait. Or maybe both.

When I looked at annual festivals nothing happened around this time. I'll check when it's Lizzie I's b'day. If all else fails, I'll make up an annual fair that's a Norwood tradition. I might have to ask for ideas here ...

It was so important and applicable and life changing, I have all forgotten about it! That Amy on the other hand is like an elephant in the 'memory' category. How she does it ... I wish I knew!

*read this in my best Australian accent *

Ha, if it's a movie, why read the book right? Yeah, I live by the sword!

*don't forget to read this in an Australian accent!*

Good luck sorting out all the 'admin'. I can share many, many tales of frustration, perseverance, and pain. Mostly caused by HR in my case, so if you're avoiding dealing with HR, trust me, it's not that bad. Except, UPS is really pushing the limits by the sound of things. Hope it gets sorted soon!

*Australian accent still going ...*

I jinx you to from now on read all my posts in an Australian accent. My special way of adapting quicker to the 'strange' accent that could be worse!

That vid is awesome! Love it! I also say z-et and not z-ee amongst plenty of other things!