3,226

(74 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Okay.  Actually the first thing I wrote, just to see if I could do it, was a chapter with a sorcerous battle.  It was far too long for this, but I've written the battle down to 1000 words.

Amy, you and I have different ideas about power moments.
      ========================


Stripped of their disguises, Cott and his two witch-acolytes were unnaturally, impossibly old.

"What are you doing here?" Melayne demanded.

Cott threw lightning at her.  She caught it and flicked its Power back.  Cott's staff splintered, sparked, and burned to ash.

"Run!" he shouted.

Melayne gestured.  The witches' feet sprouted roots into the ground.

"Leave while you can, plowgirl!"  Cott snarled, hurling a spell behind Melayne.

It was a Summoning across worlds.  Melayne dropped, shielding and rolling to face the threat.  She threw Barricade spells on the witches to prevent another Summoning.

Where does Cott get Power to Summon across worlds?

Cott's beast was part ape, part tiger, part boar, seven feet of tusk and claw.  Its blast of Elemental Fire just missed her.

Fire?  It must draw it from its own world.  Melayne tried Stunning the creature.  It threw more Fire, knocking her back, fraying her shields.  Spells won't stop it.

Melayne's blast of Earth could have pulverized a millstone.  The creature lurched and recovered, attacking as Melayne rolled, grazing her and unravelling her shields.

Trees exploded behind her.  She anchored rebuilt shields in the ground, making a sharp edge toward the beast.

Its next blast broke on the edge, spattering the witches.  They caught fire and screamed, helpless under Melayne's Barricade.  She extinguished them.

Sensing her immobility, the creature advanced.  Melayne aimed a huge blast of Earth under its heart.  It staggered and she drove a spell into the ground beneath it.

The beast blasted the ground anchoring her shields.

Ropes of earth wound up around its feet and legs.  It struggled and howled as they stretched up its body.

Melayne freed her shield and rolled as a blast ripped a smoking furrow behind her.  She shaped Fire and Earth, hurling it to dazzle the beast's Elemental senses.  Bewildered, it slapped and tore at the spell.

It still had eyes.  Melayne sorceled a curtain of rippling light, jumping away as the beast obliterated it.

Trees cracked and boomed behind her.

Her next spells commanded air.  Winds howled, circling the beast, walling it in a maelstrom of soil, debris, and Power.  It clawed the winds, then tried to blast free.  The blast disintegrated, spraying like sleet from the whirlwind.

The witches screamed.  Their injury wasn't flame; it would wait.  The beast was gathering more Power.

Melayne knelt in the furrow, reinforced her shields and sent more cords of earth around the creature.

Its next blast spattered out around the whirlwind, destroying Melayne's shields and igniting Cott's trio.

Melayne had no time to help them them.  She shaped new shields.  With Power she deepened the furrow.

The third blast was stronger.  The witches went silent.  More trees exploded, spreading thick, sticky pine smoke.

Melayne dug deeper, piling the dirt in front of her.  The fourth blast baked it hard.  The fifth broke it.

Melayne was tiring.  The beast was getting stronger.

How long can it keep going?

The sixth blast made the whirlwind glow red hot.  Trees popped in a distant drumroll, punctuated by the seventh blast, which pulverized the baked soil, kicking up dust.

The eighth blast came before it settled.

Backblasts hammered Melayne's shields.  She repaired them with Earth and with Fire spilled from the attacks.

The beast went quiet.  Its blasts got stronger.  The whirlwind glowed bright red with each attack, writhing as the creature flailed.  Trees burst in the distance.

Melayne's earthen ropes held.

The blasts stopped.  Melayne looked up from her shieldwork.  The beast's Fire increased.  She dug deeper.

A jet of Elemental Fire tore out from the maelstrom.  Most of its Fire was lost to the whirlwind.  What broke through was devastating.

The beam swept the landscape, dropping to blast earth and stumps, rising to shatter distant trees.  The whirlwind glowed orange, heated by the passage of Power.

Melayne burrowed sideways.  The strongest shields she ever shaped bent under sidespill off the scattered waste of the beast's Power.

And the ground was heating--fast.  Melayne might survive the direct attack and still bake alive.

With nothing left to work with, she looked down, deep in the earth.  She found Elemental Water, enough maybe to cool, or--

She took all she could.  With it she mustered tangible water from the depths.  Up it flowed, cracking baked soil, erupting as steam, carrying heat into the whirlwind at Melayne's command.

The creature shrieked.  Its jet of Fire wobbled down to gouge earth, up to trace ropes and ribbons of color on the daylight sky.

How can anything handle such Power?

The maelstrom outshone the sun.  Melayne shut her eyes and pressed her face in the earth.  The searing blue flooded her sight anyway.

Then the world seemed to shatter, concussing bone and flesh, leaving Melayne stunned, deaf, and blind.

Is it over?

The whirlwind held only her spells.  She let it drop.

Spells restored her sight and hearing.  Her balance returned and she stood up, staggering, exhausted.

Splintered bones radiated from a pile of baked, broken earth.

The witches would keep their secrets.   Their only remains were the roots Melayne had sprouted from their feet. I'll meet them in my nightmares.

Acres of ravaged pines smouldered beneath the cloudless sky.  Distant flames fed on fresh, standing wood, threatening whole square miles.  Melayne couldn't chase down and extinguish it all.

But this world had a little Elemental Water, more useful now than all the Earth and Fire of the battle.  She knelt in the burnt-sweet, sticky smoke.  Leaning on her fists, she reached deep underground for the Power of Water.

Drawing it up slowly, Melayne shaped a lacy spell that rose and spiralled out as she wove it.

She triggered it all at once.  It mustered tangible water, from streams and ponds, up from the ground and from faraway air.  Clouds formed, swelled with vapor, and opened.

Rain came, cold, heavy, drowning fires, clearing the smoke, sizzling on the ruined ground.

Melayne stood and soothed her muscles.  She had just lost another day.

We in the US didn't abolish the penny.  We just changed it to zinc with a super-thin copper cladding.

They are also used sometimes for siding and flashing.  Those are large-head nails.

You don't have to eliminate it.  The problem is the real-life fact of copper and live wood where it appears at the start of Acts.  Work that into the how-do-we-fix discussion and you've set the copper up for later in the book.

3,230

(74 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Sigh.  I'm finally making progress on Erevain and Nikkano and you come up with this.  Well, I had some early sketches from a future battle.  I'll see if I can cut it to 1000 words, but there might be no room for the beginning.

But you say that Jaylene (or is is Airen?) uses copper nails to despatch troublesome trees.

Oh, is the plant a once-human monster?

3,232

(8 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

njc wrote:

  (It is simply perverse that saying 'print' does not show me what's on the screen.  What else is 'print' for?)

Let me put this in more positive terms: One of the great principles of interface design, whether of user interface or programming interfaces, is The Principle of Least Surprise.  A PRINT button observes this by printing something that resembles what's on screen.

3,233

(8 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Why would you print out a hard copy?

The user advocate in me says 'What does it matter why?'  (It is simply perverse that saying 'print' does not show me what's on the screen.  What else is 'print' for?)  But okay ...

The screen interface hasn't been invented (save for such ancient editors as Vi) that allows you to see several distant parts side by side.

You can see a larger chunk on a paper page.

Paper is still easier on the eyes.

Paper doesn't run on batteries, so you're not limited by battery life.

Paper is not fragile and nor worth stealing, so you can carry it to mark up or re-read in places where you wouldn't want to carry a computer.  Paper won't be damaged if it's bent.

You can mark up a piece of paper, then throw the mark-up out or disregard it later.  Only the most sophisticated version-control systems allow you to do this.

You can mark up things like text rearrangement multiple times without the risk of losing something in the editing, then make the changes in the on-line text carefully and mindfully once you have settled on a version.

I can probably come up with a few more if you need them.

Something I've thought of and then forgotten several times: Anver uses copper to repair the living roof of rhe guildhouse, but in other places you have copper inimical to plant life.  Sorry, it's the engineer in me ... .

3,235

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Just to keep you in the loop: I'm working on backstory involving Erevain and his prentice-master, Niccano.  What caused Niccano to pull up shop from a world near the center of sorcerous commerce and move to the sticks of the sticks, with his apprentice in tow?  He had long habit and skill snooping into the secrets around him so that he could avoid stepping into them openly and accidentally?  When he stumbled into a danger he could never have imagined, in a secret that could look back at him, what did he tell Erevain to justify the move yet conceal his knowledge?

Did he die, or just fake his death and disappear into a non-sorcerous world, beyond the eye, if not the reach, of the worst danger the Worlds ever faced?  (This question I don't answer now, but I have to know what Erevain sees and believes.)

Whom does Niccano trust as a courier and business front to bring commissions to Erevain, and completed work back?

Once I have some answers here, I can flesh out his role in the next few chapters.

Okay.  I didn't mean to suggest you try to force a handedness change on Collin.  I don't have any reason to expect it will make a difference.  I suppose if you are desperate enough, you might try it, though.

3,237

(11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Major congratulations here!  You've won a fan in the Fourth Estate, and she can't hld her praise in.

So ... do we start a pool on which of Amy's novels will see the next chapter?

3,239

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I've just had an insight on Everain and his mentor Nikkano.  I know more of their backstory now, and I have to rework the next Erevain chapter to fit.

I've got some open questions, too.  See Dr. Dmitri Vapnoodle.

3,240

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

The Version #2.  Take the latest version extant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_la … in_English

KHippolite wrote:

Heh... that wasn't me, so no worries about ANver finding out

i suppose you've got a literary cockroach typing there?  Which makes the thing even  more icky.

3,242

(212 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

How are we coming with 'printable' functionality?  For me it would be helpful to do clean prints not only of content but of reviews and replies.

Just making the drop-downs print as they appear (instead of by their content) would be 80% of the solution.  It might be easier to do it sitewide than page by page.

KHippolite wrote:
amy s wrote:

Love that you love Katerin. I think Anver is hot, so he has at least one fan.

I have the hots for Anver too

I wouldn't tell him if I were you smile

3,244

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I was notified that I hadn't completed the integration of the sections of Ch. 4 back into Ch. 3.  Well, I've done it, though none too adroitly.  Feel free to have a look.

Isn't there a way to tell the browser to display via local time?  I wonder if the time supplied is Zulu time, as it should be.

Put the volume break shortly after Alina's death, just where the 'Easter Egg Hunt' is announced.  That way Volume One's immediate arc is concerned with Alina and her school while the background problem has been introduced, and Kha has told us about the necromancy attacks.

A fellow I worked with, years ago, had written and performed a song called =Yesterday's Tomorrow is Tomorrow's Yesterday=.  Leonard Cohen he wasn't, but it's an intriguing and Zyrtec-ish title.

I learned that the Fantasy novel that had come in the belated Christmas bundle from my brother and sister-in-law was a self-published work by a friend, so I read it.  I wish I'd had the chance to comment when he'd workshopped it.  But it was published after gathering dust, in the knowledge that it wasn't what it should have been.

But it wasn't -that- far from being good.

I took another look at Acts, and wonder whether you could break the story soon after Alina's demise, or with the announcement that Zyrtec's quarters are in Kha's building.

Also, and this qualifies as a problem, in one of the containment jar chapters, you have Katerin claim knowledge of the layout of Kha's rooms.  How can she?

This male reader is in love with Katerin.  Do you expect your female readers to lust after Anver?

Oh, that snickering knife.  I hope you're hanging something important on it.

Now, larger question: do you have an overarching title for the whole work.  Something like Long Shadow of the Chronomancer or Earthwound?  Or The Ages of Magic?  Or a quote from My Name is John Wellington Wells?

If the series title includes 'Chronomancer' you could blurb Kha's line about Chronomancers seeing multiple futures ... two apples short of a pie.

I'm beginning to wonder now about Rubats showing up in all the right--or wrong--places.  And if the Guildhouse is sentient in any degree, whose mind(s) do(es) it carry?

I'd hold this use for the big battle, or for a small battle critical to it in the run-up.

The shadowbook-future could be used to prime characters to take the right actions in  crises, even when they misunderstand what it's telling them.