You said...I've been working on a query for my first book and thinking about the hook for the beginning.  This is what I came up with, "When your greatest wish is granted, there is always a price to pay.  Tommy has lived his dream, but in so doing has unwittingly cursed the world to certain destruction.

Unbar, I'm afraid I need a better description of what a query entails. As it is, this is a query for Tommy's initial story, isn't it? Here is my best attempt at a couple of lines to pitch your book. Tell me what you think.

Tommy's dream was to merge into his favorite books, transporting between the pages, and living within the backstory. Then a character was clever enough to escape, cursing the real world to certain destruction.

I would also try different ways of wording it. Use random characters to bring out a different spin to use as a query for your book.

Ex: Johnny Depp: Tommy had a dream until that got tossed by a character from a book. Very bad when a villain can jump off the page into the real world. Clever, though.

James Earl Jones: Tommy lived his dream. The only price he had to pay was to doom his world to certain destruction.

Kdot wrote:
amy s wrote:

So what is the age of the person writing on this thread? Hmmm. Maybe three...

If you keep picking on Norm, there will be another Dr Ess

 
K,
You need to stop trying to threaten me about what other people (who you clearly don't control) are going to do to defame me.  Put up your dukes, mister. BATTER UP!

So what is the age of the person writing on this thread? Hmmm. Maybe three...

Sorry about the manager, Janet. Take a deep breath since you aren't concerned about getting the boot and hatch nefarious plots to help make the work situation tolerable. This just moves up my plan to visit sooner. Can't let you leave the States without sharing a bottle of Aussie wine with you.

Sorry about the manager, Janet. Take a deep breath since you aren't concerned about getting the boot and hatch nefarious plots to help make the work situation tolerable. This just moves up my plan to visit sooner. Can't let you leave the States without sharing a bottle of Aussie wine with you.

"This is Dea, my Other."  (As in other half) "We are Others."
"This is Dea, my Well." (as in a storage  medium for water.)
Partner.
Sister/ Brother.
Family/ Familial
Basin
Source


Bond has been used. (as in, This is Dea, my Bond.")
Rider is too much like the dragon riders of Pern.

He is an old soul with a crusty exterior. Rust isn't an indication of age. It is ageless.

K is old. Like me. I'm just glad that my initial impression wasn't accurate...that he lived in his mother's basement.  Consider it a positive, K. You write as if you are young.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I takes me an hour at least. And you found all the errors, so all I have to do is agree or disagree. Then boom. Change is instituted. You are saving me time, sir. Not wasting your own.

EVER? really? High praise coming from you.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Sorry I'm slowing you down, but you'll be better for it. Kinda like my work when it takes an hour to integrate your reviewss

Great books. First is really well done

I married a gamer who likes plot. Got lucky.

You sure about this? Anakin Skywalker was kind of like Wesley Crusher. In my crowd, he was not well received.

More cluz to come. I talked it out with the husband and I gave him the shivers when I connected the dots. That's when I know I've got good plot.

Day 1 of Florida has kicked the butts of Tesm Sonoda. I have tickets for 4 more park days and 5 days left to party. Tomorrow is required as a day of rest. We're gonna get SMEARED.

You had a routine? I'm jealous.

We're on the same page, New Jersey. Here is an excerpt.

Jaylene lifted her hand. “It’s time to go. I’m sorry, but I can’t leave you in here.”

Lewellen’s face pinched and he blanched. “I understand.”

Petra hesitated and then pulled Lewellen’s face toward her own. “Thank you for being here.” She kissed him, quick and hard.

He stiffened and then wrapped his arms around her shoulders, claiming Petra’s mouth as his own.

Jaylene let them have their moment and looked away. They were like priests on holiday. There was no penalty in what two of the faith did on their own time.

Lewellen cleared his throat. “I guess we’re ready. Make it quick, Lance.”

Jaylene turned back. A single line of energy entwined about their hands, glowing where their palms touched. Bonded, but this union is willing rather than forced. She remembered the multiple magical tendrils cojoining Caleah and Petra, allowing possession rather than cooperation.

Like a Horror but without the ring.

Jaylene clenched the Lance, feeling like the thought was slipping through her fingers. I’d have to ask Breckin and compare it to Petra’s account. Pity I didn’t spend more time asking...

A chill ran up Jaylene’s spine. Caleah used the same magic as the Horror. She was weaker without Petra’s soul to drain.

In the library while reading the diaries, how did the Voice deal with the Horror possessing his brother?

He harvested the souls with his spear. Until only the Horror remained. He weakened it. That was how he won. He tried to tell me, but I didn’t understand.

“I know how to destroy the Horror.”

“Ma’am?” Lewellen asked with a crack in his voice.

Alda clenched Jaylene’s shoulder. “How?”


And Norm, I always liked the idea of having Yunker and Anver in the first book, but it got panned. I'd love to put them back into play. I like the idea of making a side-story that allows Anver/Yunker to be featured earlier. I'll see what I can do.

Norm, I figured I'd go through and post the next chapter of Mandates, but then I realized this was material from 3 years ago. What a mess. This is my oldest stuff and it is SLOPPY. I got the first third of the chapter cleaned, but I can't post it until I've shaken out the cobwebs and given it a spring cleaning.

If you don't mind, go on and read Acts. You liked Yunker and Anver. Hopefully, i can keep you interested while I clean up this slop.

And I'm still writing the next chapter of Dictates. I'm reluctant to kill off Petra, even though her body is history.

Meanwhile, it's time I recip and pay people back for multiple reviews. We're going to Florida in two days. I'm taking my phone and my keyboard, so reviews will be the only thing I can work on. Otherwise, we're going to see Hogwarts and pay the 'mouse tax'. Chaos is guaranteed. Talk soon.

A

Not on purpose, though I'd like to claim I was well-read enough to use Ebenezum as inspiration.

Funny you say you like Airen because Dirk found her really childish:-) Ironic because she is the character I played in a game so long ago.

Mage with an itch refers to Kha's way of dealing with rivals. He doesn't do much other than counter, deflect, and annoy them (with cantrips like sneeze, stutter, and itch. He disables them and saves his shot limit for later in the fight)(assuming a rival is trying to kill his friends)

In Mandates, he is forced to duel (vs necromancer) and then throttled from behind in a surprise attack. Neither gave him much chance to respond as he is used to.

Hey folks,

I've been drowning in drama at work and otherwise. Contract issues (sign here or find another job), taking a protest to the state level about summer education for Mr Autism ( I won, but I didn't get what I wanted...C wins because he gets extra speech sessions over the summer. I lose because I get to pay for summer school because it is considered to be 'enrichment' and therefore optional.)

I shall fight them next year. (Growls and flexes with fierce expression) Now that I've got the hang of this, there is always another day.

Oh, and my 5 y/o played with a lighter and there was LIVE flame in my house while I was taking a nap. I caught it before it got out of hand. I got a confession and he was really just curious. He had a plan to put it out(small cup of water). I have made a vow. Mr. McGuiver shall not be bored ever again.

So I'm still alive and butt head got to sleep in the bed he tried to set on fire.
Pity that. However, I'm NEVER going to get Mr Autism to cook on a stove now. Like forever. (Sigh)

So I haven't forgotten yuz guys. Just busy. Talk soon.

Just get the ending onto paper. We can help you clean it up if it seems too messy. I'm having the same problem with Dictates. I just need to pick an ending and then I can move on with revisions. I plan to write alternate endings and let people pick.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Norm,

Fecal is a root word in Latin . Maybe fec with another clarifier. Fecund? Fecundum?

For swear words , you need them to be short. Basti as opposed to Bastardus?

600

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Norm,

Fecal is a root word in Latin . Maybe fec with another clarifier. Fecund? Fecundum?

For swear words , you need them to be short. Basti as opposed to Bastardus?