You said...I've been working on a query for my first book and thinking about the hook for the beginning. This is what I came up with, "When your greatest wish is granted, there is always a price to pay. Tommy has lived his dream, but in so doing has unwittingly cursed the world to certain destruction.
Unbar, I'm afraid I need a better description of what a query entails. As it is, this is a query for Tommy's initial story, isn't it? Here is my best attempt at a couple of lines to pitch your book. Tell me what you think.
Tommy's dream was to merge into his favorite books, transporting between the pages, and living within the backstory. Then a character was clever enough to escape, cursing the real world to certain destruction.
I would also try different ways of wording it. Use random characters to bring out a different spin to use as a query for your book.
Ex: Johnny Depp: Tommy had a dream until that got tossed by a character from a book. Very bad when a villain can jump off the page into the real world. Clever, though.
James Earl Jones: Tommy lived his dream. The only price he had to pay was to doom his world to certain destruction.