751 Reply by rhiannon

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

max keanu wrote:

ACTION ADVENTURE

HORROR & MACABRE

SPY WITH ME

JE SUIS CHARLIE

LITERARY FICTION (now moderated by Charles Bell)

I'll be putting lots of energy into these groups. Any help is appreciated. I'd like to have contests (with prizes and $$$).

Hey Max.  I think we can take the initiative for contest.  You could take up a collection plate for a monetary prize ($100 split between 10 people is only $10.00 Could even make it an entry fee).  If someone in the group knows a professional editor willing to donate his time, a review could work.  Oh, and of course, a hearty handshake will do too.  My idea for the first contest is best in the genre where you take a historic character and have him or her fight zombies/vampires, etc.  OK, I'm weird.  I admit it.

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752 Reply by rhiannon

(11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Congratulations!

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753 Reply by rhiannon

(4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Congrats!

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754 Topic by rhiannon

(0 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

Well, not quite, but I had thought I had put the backstory about Rhiannon's engagement in Jeb and Rhia:  A Love Story, but I had put it in New Fairy.  Only then, since reviewers told me it was slowing down the action, so I took most of it out, seeing that I thought I had it in the prequel.  Oh, well, I've seen worse problems in popular novels.  Rest assured, there will be a chapter on how Ferrell and Rhia meet, get engaged.  Probably about the place where, but no, you all will just have to wait...  And thanks to the reviewers like Casey and TE who pointed this out.

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755 Topic by rhiannon

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Well, not quite, but I had thought I had put the backstory about Rhiannon's engagement in Jeb and Rhia:  A Love Story, but I had put it in New Fairy.  Only then, since reviewers told me it was slowing down the action, so I took most of it out, seeing that I thought I had it in the prequel.  Oh, well, I've seen worse problems in popular novels.  Rest assured, there will be a chapter on how Ferrell and Rhia meet, get engaged.  Probably about the place where, but no, you all will just have to wait...  And thanks to the reviewers like Casey and TE who pointed this out.

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756 Topic by rhiannon

(0 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

I got some great criticism of Chapter Six of Rhiannon the Nude:  New Fairy.  I was told the chapter was too long.  So naturally when I went to re write it, it became even bigger.  So it is now Chapter Six and Seven.  For those who have already read Chapter Six--you may have to re-read it before you read Chapter Seven.  What can I say?  I'm only elfin.

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757 Topic by rhiannon

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I got some great criticism of Chapter Six of Rhiannon the Nude:  New Fairy.  I was told the chapter was too long.  So naturally when I went to re write it, it became even bigger.  So it is now Chapter Six and Seven.  For those who have already read Chapter Six--you may have to re-read it before you read Chapter Seven.  What can I say?  I'm only elfin.

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758 Reply by rhiannon

(24 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

njc wrote:

I thought I saw 'milk-givers'.

So long as you use plural for one individual, attention will go to the pair.  Use singular, and attention will go to the pectoral region.

I was over-using bosoms, so I used a number of archaic synoyms, like 'centers," and thought 'milk-givers,' would fit the culture.  And right.  The plural is for breasts, the singular is for the chest.

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759 Reply by rhiannon

(24 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

C J Driftwood wrote:
rhiannon wrote:
C J Driftwood wrote:

Being one of those readers who "didn't get it" it just felt like over-dramatization to me. I suppose you could just say "So overcome with grief, I beat my breasts, as was our custom." ??

I always thought the custom was over-dramatic, but then we all mourn in different ways, and is it more over-dramatic than having cops lead a motorcade through town, stopping traffic?  I personally think that good fantasy borders on the over-dramatic at times.  At least its fun for me to write and read.  I think 'as was our custom,' even might be over-explaining.  Maybe when she meets up with Jeb again, I might have him ask your question, and she explain it.  I do use the trope of having customs that would be normal for the strange culture shock or give a reaction from outsiders.  When Rosalyn first meets Lido, for instance...

What I meant about being over-dramatic - was more about the timing. The dragon wasn't quite dead yet, and beating the breasts, instead of trying to save him, just didn't feel like the first thing someone would do. I imagine the first thing someone would do (which ended up being her second thing) was to try and save her friend. The custom itself wasn't that big of a deal, it was more the timing.

More her perception.  Her first thought was that her friend was dying.  Then, she goes, 'oh, I can save him.'  I think that's a realistic response to such a shocking experience.  A lot of people freeze in such situations.

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760 Reply by rhiannon

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Suin wrote:

Ah - so I started with book two! Would you prefer me to continue with two or start with one?

It's up to you, Suin. I renumbered them for the reader's convenience.  Book 2 was actually written first, but I realized after a couple of reviews that I needed to write the back story.

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761 Reply by rhiannon

(24 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

njc wrote:

Unless you want the lurid (and possibly titillating) image, you might make 'breasts' into the singular, to move attention from the organs to the area.

I actually use bosoms.

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762 Topic by rhiannon

(0 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

I've changed the titles of my Rhiannon books.  This is mainly to give the reader a clue as to which to start with  if he or she wants to start from the beginning of the story.  The third book I've dubbed "The Mirror Murders," less trite than "The Demon Murders," although still not satisfied with it.  I'm submitting all three to the Strongest Start competition, so I need all the help I can get.  I feel least confident about the love story, although, from feedback from you all, it may actually be the strongest.  And of yeah, the title of the 3rd.  John Hamler was right, "Demon Murders" was trite.  "Mirror Murders" is the new working title I don't like it either.  lol

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763 Reply by rhiannon

(24 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

C J Driftwood wrote:

Being one of those readers who "didn't get it" it just felt like over-dramatization to me. I suppose you could just say "So overcome with grief, I beat my breasts, as was our custom." ??

I always thought the custom was over-dramatic, but then we all mourn in different ways, and is it more over-dramatic than having cops lead a motorcade through town, stopping traffic?  I personally think that good fantasy borders on the over-dramatic at times.  At least its fun for me to write and read.  I think 'as was our custom,' even might be over-explaining.  Maybe when she meets up with Jeb again, I might have him ask your question, and she explain it.  I do use the trope of having customs that would be normal for the strange culture shock or give a reaction from outsiders.  When Rosalyn first meets Lido, for instance...

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764 Reply by rhiannon

(24 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

njc wrote:

Though with the acting character female (not to mention naked) the imagery is a little ... well, I would say grotesque, but other perceptions are certainly possible.

We've not heard from author Rhianon since the first question.  Has she given up in despair, or is she waiting for a pearl to issue forth from this discussion?

(Flagellation was normally administered on the back, not any ventral area, and is entirely different from the expression of grief or remorse.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O_Fortuna , second verse, last couplet .)

For now, I've decided to just keep it, as it is clear that it's an expression of mourning and grief.  Overly-dramatic?  Perhaps  But then this is a print medium trying to convey deep emotions.  And in Biblical times, and in the middle east up to at least the 18th century, women rent their garments and beat their breasts.  Yes, it would be different for women, and generate a much different image than for men.

I think that even a brief reference might be over-explaining.  I do suppose the reader is familiar with ancient, medieval or fantasy traditions, at least to the point where they can follow along. They need at least familiarity with some of the Mabinogeon, although most of the references can be figured out.  People "wind-talked" in the stories, one analyst thought that it sounded a lot like telepathy.  In my story, I think it's clear that it is telepathy.  If you didn't know that Pwryll was married to Rhiannon in the fairy stories, you could guess it by the references to them.  And Myrddin is another spelling for Merlin.  Anyway, I enjoyed reading the back and forth here.  Hugs.

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765 Topic by rhiannon

(4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I've changed the titles of my Rhiannon books.  This is mainly to give the reader a clue as to which to start with, if he or she wants to start from the beginning of the story.  The third book I've dubbed "The Mirror Murders," less trite than "The Demon Murders," although still not satisfied with it.  I'm submitting all three to the Strongest Start competition.

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766 Topic by rhiannon

(24 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

OK, in ancient times, when you were overcome with grief, you'd rip your top, expose your breasts and beat on them.  I used that in Rhiannon the Nude, and at least two readers didn't know that.  So how do I let the reader know about that without over-explaining, being condescending, or saying something dumb like "In ancient times when you were overcome with grief, you'd ript your to, expose your breasts and beat on them.  So I'm doing it too."  Thanks in advance.

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767 Reply by rhiannon

(3 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

Hey John:  The idea of changing her age was not to have an "either...or."  Either write YA or Adult, it was to have a "Both...and."  The three years age difference simply allows for both; she is still the little vixen in Jeb & Rhia; the tempered female Bourne in R the N, and the master detective in the Demon Murders.  And it's actually likely that the YA will center on her friend Heather, anyway.

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768 Reply by rhiannon

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Thanks, Vern.  My chapters aren't nearly that long. lol

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769 Reply by rhiannon

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SolN wrote:

Hi all,

After a pause in contests, we're excited to announce the 2016 Strongest Start Competition. We've assembled a unique set of prizes that provide the winner with the opportunity to improve their work, get in front of a publishers, and promote their book once it is published. As in the past, one of our goals with the competition is to provide members of the site with an incentive to improve their first three chapters.

To learn more, click the link below:

https://www.thenextbigwriter.com/contes … on+2016-14

Sol

Hi Sol.  Loving the new format for TNBW.  One question about the contest.  You say submit the first 3 chapters.  How many words would be the limit?  Thanks in advance for answering me.

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770 Topic by rhiannon

(3 replies, posted in Additional Writing Feedback)

Oh, and for those of you who were paying attention, no, you aren't wrong. Rhiannon was 15, now she's 18. This is not to mitigate the wrongness of the relationship, but because so many people have said I'd be good at YA, or thought some of my writing was already awesome YA, I wanted to give myself a period in her life where I can do young adult fiction.. That's a little easier if she isn't derailed and forced to be an adult until she's 18. I'm still making it so that the relationship is illegal. The age of consent is fluid and ranges from 13 to 18; so I am making it 21. It's my story, I can do that. lol

Any suggestions as to how I should go about YA versions of my stories let me know.  And yes, it's a little harder when the main character is nude, but if you've read modern YA?  Animorphs--one character ends up nude when he transforms back to a human.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when a curse is lifted, she's naked in public and gets a friend to find clothes for her.  "Don't go anywhere."  "Not a problem." lol  Girls end up in boy's locker rooms.  And I also know that sex scenes will have to be PG but I've been watching "Pretty Little Liars," think I can handle that too.  But other aspects?  Help!!!

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771 Reply by rhiannon

(4 replies, posted in Fantasy World Builders)

I've written a new prologue for Rhiannon the Nude, which goes up to the end of the old prologue; the rest of the chapter was the same as the original chapter one, so I didn't waste review credits in re-posting it.  But I'd appreciate any feedback on the new prologue.  Thanks.

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772 Reply by rhiannon

(10 replies, posted in Literary Fiction)

I'm reminded of Mark Twain's statement.  "Of course truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense."

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773 Reply by rhiannon

(12 replies, posted in Literary Fiction)

The rules need to fit the story.  You always use complete sentences, and punctuate accordingly?  Not. All. The. Time.  Get it?  lol

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774 Reply by rhiannon

(7 replies, posted in Literary Fiction)

I once attended a woman's group which was deciding what we were to call ourselves.  "Vaginal Americans" was vetoed as too separatist.  "Girls" of course was out although we were all under 21 and many were under 18.  We finally decided upon 'women."  It seemed to fit somehow.

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775 Reply by rhiannon

(4 replies, posted in Fantasy World Builders)

I'll get to it, Karin; I promise.

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