Joke's on you (Page 2 of 3)

Two friends are talking about last night's party.

John: "My goodness, Bill. You were so drunk you urinated in my car."
Bill: "That's not true. I opened the car's door."
John: "Yes, but you were standing outside."

What's the difference between a hippo, and a Zippo?

Give up?

One is real heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

I think granny got it, she was just too caught up in nostalgia to say anything.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with,
but I’ve been tripping all day.

What is brown, black and blue and laying in a ditch?
The last brunette who told a blonde joke.

A few months ago, I got this letter from a cousin that lives in East Tennessee near the NC border:
Memphis,

¿You remember Rufus? Goslow? Used to live at the mouth of the holler? Had a good-sized sheep herd over acrost Bold Valley on the ubac side of Lookdown Mountain?

Turned me in for "carnal knowledge of his pet ewe." Whatever carnal knowledge is; the law indicted me for bestiality. If my reputation had been better, I'd not even have bothered going to trial, because with a first offense, they still give you probation here.

But my good friend (best friend among those I owe money), a lawyer, told me I ought to fight the charge since he'd heard through the grapevine that they had set a trap to catch me based on eyewitness accounts from several folks living across Bold Creek from Rufus’s on the adret side of Knob Mountain. He said they could, might even probably would, give me two years, but it could, might even probably would, be less since the ewe didn't seem traumatized.

My head was spinning enough from trying to gauge my chances that I asked him for a lawyer recommendation. After some backing and forthing, he pulled a name out of his rolodex—seemed to me like a random selection since he was flipping fast till he stopped: "He's not much of a lawyer, but he is cheap, which seems to be your sole criterion. Still, I wouldn't recommend him to my worst enemy if he weren't the best I know of at selecting a jury."

Early on in the trial, I could see what my lawyer friend meant about his referral's lawyering. And I was increasingly anxious about the jury he picked. I was sitting at the end of the table closest to the jury box, and from the darts the jurors—all-male jury—was shooting at me with their eyes as the trial progressed, I was not all that reassured that my lawyer was any better at jury selection than he was at lawyering. Then the prosecution called what they said was an eyewitness. I thought, "Ohhh, shit. An eyewitness? At 2:30 in the morning?"

He went on and on about tackling, hog-tying, tying with a short rope to a chain link fence, etc., and etc. The jurors looked disgusted and let me know about it with their faces.

My lawyer had his head in his hands.

The juror in the first row, at the end, Juror No. 6 I think they called him, was not as hard-looking as the rest of them. When the so-called eyewitness finished up his testimony with, "...and then April (that was the ewe's name because she was born on April Fool's day) turned around and licked the defendant's manhood. Several times," I heard Juror No. 6 whisper to Juror No.5 on his right, "A good ewe'll do that... if she's perky."

The jury hung, 2-10.

I assumed Juror No. 6 was one of the 2.

 
Your cousin,

Natchez

Hey, hey, hey! That flag-waving was my idea!
Bwaahahahaha!

Okay, seriously, what's the code to insert pictures?

If you're an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

European, I reckon.

Hey Corra! Are you graduated yet?