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Halfway through her lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to first year medical students, the professor slammed her gavel on the lectern. She pointed to a startled woman student who came wide awake in the third row, "What is your asshole doing when you're having an orgasm?"
"¿Golfing with his buddies?"
Memphis Trace
Two blonde men are standing on opposite sides of a wide river.
One shouts to the other, "How do I get to the other side?"
The second shouts back, "You're on the other side!"
Why are there fewer Ginger Bread Women at the bakery?
There's never enough dough!
Sorry, JL. A "blondes" joke doesn't work with men as the dummies. Nice try, though! 
Sorry, JL. A "blondes" joke doesn't work with men as the dummies. Nice try, though!
Sure it does! Blonde's the root cause, right?
;-D
Only if the roots are blond.
I see you got my subtle reference. I'll confess here, my roots aren't!
When it comes to blondes*, most men are dummies. How else can you explain their gullibility?
* blondes = every color hair known to mankind
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
Tequila Mockingbird
[anon]
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
[anon]
Books that throw off their covers and dance on the bar.
On a shortcut through the alley, Joe encounters a raggedy man sitting on the pavement with his back against the wall, gripping a bottle about half full of amberish liquid in his right hand and a cocked revolver in his left hand, tears streaming down his face.
“Anything I can do for you, good buddy?”
“I'm scared. You muss hab a drink wid me.” He extended the bottle to Joe.
“Well, thanks for the offer, but I’ll pass.”
“Said muss hab a drink wid me.” By this time the man, who smelled strongly of urine, had stopped crying; and raised the gun so it was pointed more or less at Joe’s stomach.
Joe took the bottle and sniffed it. By this time the gun was wavering some, but was pointed more or less at his chest. He took a swig, and sprayed half of it over the man, “Oh gawd, stuff tastes more or less like horse piss to me.”
By this time the man’s tears were flowing freely again, “’S wat I thought, goo’ buddy. Now pass bottle back 'n hold duh gun on me.”
Memphis Trace
Those of us old enough to remember the Carter Administration will remember that Mistah Cartah had a no-count brother named Billy. Someone paid him to allow them to call their product 'Billy Beer'. (As I recall, it was a brewery that was even despised by college students.)
Anyhow, the joke goes that Mo Udall bought a can of the stuff, took one sip, and sent it off to be analyzed by the Department of Agriculture. He got a letter from them a week later: Dear Mr. Udall, We are sorry to have to inform you that your horse has diabetes..
People who want to get married in the worst way ... usually do.
I loved her. She ignored me. I loved her even more. I guess you could call that love at first slight.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
(Dill started it!)
The shares are a penny and ever so many are taken by Rothschild and Baring ....
Have you heard the prayer of the existential agnostic? Dear God, if there is a God, please help me, if there is a me.
Being in love is a belief that you are exempt from reality.
Sir Lancelot owned a poodle, a German shepherd, and a collie. Would you call him a three dog knight?
Watson and Sherlock Holmes pitch a tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson, points to the sky and says, "What do you see?" Watson says, "A sky full of stars." Holmes says, "What do you deduce from that?" Watson says, "Well, that's a lot of stars, and some of those stars may have planets. At least a couple of those planets must be like Earth, and if they are, they probably support life. So probably at least somewhere up there, a planet supports life." Holmes says, "Someone stole our tent, Watson."
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