Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (Page 4 of 9)

Oh, I hadn't thought of that!

But King Milwr is healthy and determined to live for a long time. He is in line to be the next the Pendragon after all (King Swale and Prince Camuir being out of the equation). With Mother Gratianna's help, King Milwr will take over the Kingdom Colun, kill Vitalinus, and subjugate those unruly Trinovantae. He is an Andoco and therefore better then everyone else, so he should conquer everyone else, rule everyone else. And yes, there are a lot of perks for being on the top.

Haha! I love that I idea! Characters are props that we move around for our bidding. Bwa.Ha.Ha.Ha.Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Hey Rebecca!

Regarding Judicious Hazel, chapter two, you should most definitely keep the boy. He's too damn adorable. Maybe add in a little more panicking on the mother's part, though? Or, if that's against her personality, possibly another female figure? Personally, I would either A) freak out, B) protest, or C) grip my husband's hand, cover my eyes, cry out when the arrow looses, or some other squeamish reaction.

-Elisheva

I can't speak to merging it with the next chapter until I see that next chapter, but I think you should leave open the possibility of taking the previous chapter through this double-thread climax and reworking all the chapter breaks.

Then maybe merge 19 with 20, especially if the music swells and climaxes there?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p … bzuk#t=723

Watch the whole thing!

Question about chapter breaks for Pendragon VI Chapters 18, 19 and 20!

Chapter 18 is average (9 pages)
Chapter 19 very short (5 pages)
And Chapter 20 average (8 pages)

1)
I could make 19 and 20 one very long chapter (I think 13 pages, which is the longest I have)

2)
I could split the contents of 19 up between 18 and 20 (20 would of course become the new 19)
Chapter 18 would end at:

...
But hopefully I shall not regret this.
They shook their swords to remove the blood and returned the weapons to their sheaths. Then lifting the injured knight, they draped his arms over their shoulders and staggered back to the bushes.
###

And Chapter 19 would start at:

“Agh!”
The scream of agony bounced off the standing stones, resonating the circle with the sound of pain. King Milwr's body trembled and contorted, his limbs pulling in vain against the hemp binds. Beads of sweat dotted his face.
“Belunus!” he cried. “It hurts!”
...

Then would contain all of what is now chapter 20

3)
I could cut this part:

Though the trek was no difficult than before, the Drech's party was tired from the fight, and Orson gasped and coughed the whole way. When they stopped to rest, Drech eyed his mentor with growing concern.
“Breath, Lord,” Drech whispered.
“I am well,” Orson replied, but speaking on brought on another fit of coughing.
Drech shook his head in dismay. “Let us go back before the whole Eire army is on us.”
He scanned the tired knights, counting them to be sure of their number.
“What!” he gasped. “Who is missing?”
The knights look around themselves, perplexed.
“Sir Gurci!” Captain Samyl breathed. “Where is Sir Gurci?”
Drech looked around again for that knight but could not find him.
“He was struck with a war club, but he did not fall,” Sir Teuhant said.
“Tis not good,” Drech groaned. “I must go and find him.”
“Indeed,” Orson said, rising to his feet.
“Not you, Lord,” Drech said to his mentor. “You are too weak to fight again tonight. Go with the knights back to camp.”
Orson shook his sheep white head. “I shall not die this night, Drech.”
“And neither shall you fight. Captain Samyl–”
“I shall not leave your side, Dominus,” the Captain replied.
Drech looked at him for a moment before nodding his consent. “The rest of you, go back to back.”
The knights began to protest, but Drech held up a silencing hand.
“I cannot sneak up on the enemy trailed by thirteen men,” he said. “The fewer come, the more likely I am to succeed. You will all take Lord Orson and return to camp. Sir Elisedd.”
“Yea, Dominus,” the lone Saxon of their group replied.
“See that Orson gets back to his tent.”
“Yea.”
“You are treating me like a child?” Orson said, laughing then coughing.
“I am, Lord,” Drech replied.
With Captain Samyl at his side, he left for the rocky beach.

out of chapter 18 to make it shorter (8 pages) and add it to chapter 19 to make it longer (6 pages)

4)
I could just leave them as is.

Let me know any thoughts or other suggestions!

I have no issue with them as is now which isn't really helping, sorry.

Haha! Sometimes I think writing is like fighting!

Added one comment in the review to answer a question.

Rebecca, it's no secret I'm a big fan of your story and I'll give it a five-star review when it hits Amazon, but that doesn't mean I'm satisfied in every way.  I was thinking of some things, and I think I see a weakness in what you might call framing.  I'll start the explanation with some illustration.

These are selected verses from the first two chapters of The Ballad of the White Horse, said to be the last great epic poem in the English language.  Leave aside that it is an amazing work, and consider that it deals with a figure of legend.  And although it does not pretend to be an exact history (having other ambitions, made clear in Alfred's prophecy in the last chapter--also amazing writing, but not pertinent here) it has an extraordinary sense of place and time-out-of-time, given in 'His days as our days ran' and 'Before the gods that made the gods ...'.

A very different work, a very different setting.  But note that all of the abstract promises end with a specific time and place.

Okay, how does this apply to you?  You've got a historical setting, and probably some pretty definite dates for a few points.  But the modern reader, ignorant of any history he didn't live through--and probably of two thirds of that!--needs help of a different sort.

The books are yours, and this is just a suggestion, though I think it would help.

I envision a preface, prologue, or preamble something like this:

Obviously, I'm ignorant of what places and names might go here, and the introduction for The Beast must be different.  Note though that you don't have to give exact dates; you need only give a tapestry that sets a tone and evokes a world now forgotten, except in the dusty stacks of old libraries.

I hope this helps, even if all it does is set you thinking on a better course.

For a really superb example of this sort of preamble, see the first two pages of the first volume of Manchester's The Last Lion.  (The last half-page, a breathtaking description, could be summarized as a want ad: Help Wanted: Messiah.  Experience required.  But it loses something in the condensation.)