Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (Page 3 of 9)

"Caer" is "City" so where ever it says "City of Luitcoyt" I need to change to "Caer Luitcoyt"! Yikes! That's thirty word doct. I have to search through!

"Circle" is like a senate or board meeting. All the lords of a kingdom get together and vote on something or pass judgment on someone. The Circle of Pengwern meets in Luitcoyt because Luitcoyt is the Capital of Pengwern. There should be no "Circle of Luitcoyt". Which means I have another thing to go searching for! I suspect the problem is in the first half of book 2...

Oh, I didn't think of the mention as being a distraction! Haha! Hmmmmm...

Close to the end of Book 3, Elen tells Camuir that she refused to bring Onnen with her because of Onnen's crime. Now in Book 4, I meant to reveal that crime as attempted murder, with Camuir shouldering the blame for Onnen and at the same time justifying his own actions as a parent. Elen then "accepts" Camuir as to blame and uses that to condemn his decisions as a parent. With Enhinti and Mother Nyfain, my purpose was going to be to show how Enhinti sees Onnen's actions (trying to kill Elen) as a reaction to Nyfain's crime against Onnen. Nyfain tries to justify her actions to Enhinti, but because Enhinti blames Nyfain for Onnen trying to murder Elen, she refuses to listen to Nyfain's side of the story.

If I take out this mention of Onnen (in Camuir's and Elen's conversation), will the next mention (in Enhinti's and Nyfain's argument) make sense? I guess I will have to see when I get there...

This is the part in question:

“Why then did you not protect me?” the queen continued. “Onnen took me by the head and held me in the fountain. She nearly drowned me. She tried desperately to kill me. If it weren't for Enhinti's screams, no one would have know to come and save me.”
“You cannot blame Onnen–”
“Who shall I blame then, Da?” she whispered choking on her own words. “I was seven years old. My mam had just abandoned me. I needed my da. I needed you. But you did nothing. You let her stay in the castle as if she had done nothing wrong. You knew that she had tried to murder me and yet you allowed her to remain, seeing both I and my small sister every day.”
Camuir shook his head, sadly. “Onnen was not herself.”
“But you were, Da,” the queen mused. “You were yourself. The same as you have always been. Careless. An inept king, a feckless husband, and an incompetent father.”

Here is with more detail:

“Why then did you not protect me?” the queen continued. “Onnen took me by the head and held me in the fountain. She nearly drowned me. She tried desperately to kill me. If it weren't for Enhinti's screams, no one would have know to come and save me.”
“You cannot blame Onnen–”
“Who shall I blame then, Da?” she whispered choking on her own words. “I was seven years old. My mam had just abandoned me. I needed my da. I needed you. But you did nothing. You let her stay in the castle as if she had done nothing wrong. You knew that she had tried to murder me and yet you allowed her to remain, seeing both I and my small sister every day.”
Camuir shook his head, sadly. “You must be more understanding toward Onnen, Elen. Her baby was stolen from her. You do not know what it is to lose a child. Onnen could not think aright. She was grieving and not herself.”
“But you were, Da,” the queen mused. “You were yourself. The same as you have always been. Careless. An inept king, a feckless husband, and an incompetent father.”

Here is with more:

“Why then did you not protect me?” the queen continued. “Onnen took me by the head and held me in the fountain. She nearly drowned me. She tried desperately to kill me. If it weren't for Enhinti's screams, no one would have know to come and save me.”
“You cannot blame Onnen–”
“Who shall I blame then, Da?” she whispered choking on her own words. “I was seven years old. My mam had just abandoned me. I needed my da. I needed you. But you did nothing. You let her stay in the castle as if she had done nothing wrong. You knew that she had tried to murder me and yet you allowed her to remain, seeing both I and my small sister every day.”
Camuir shook his head, sadly. “You must be more understanding toward Onnen, Elen. Your mother stole the baby from her. You do not know what it is to lose a child. Onnen could not think aright. She was grieving and not herself.”
“But you were, Da,” the queen mused. “You were yourself. The same as you have always been. Careless. An inept king, a feckless husband, and an incompetent father.”

Better?

Pity Camuir will be denied the chance to redeem himself in mortal combat with the real villian.  By this time there are plenty who would be happy to settle for a tenth of him so long as they were assured the other nine-tenths were half as well taken care of.

I'll go with the last then!

I'm not sure where to put the mother's name. Seems weird for Camuir to call his wife "Nyfain" to their daughter. I'll have to think about that...

Ok! I'll take a look at it! I tend to be too melodramatic! So maybe that is influencing where I cut the chapters!

Thanks, Amy!

I see what you mean about trimming. I do tend to get wordy. Though I don't think I want to take out Camuir's "You do not know what it is to lose a child." Because it shows why Camuir just tried to murder Drech. I'll think about it!

I'm thrilled you like that last line!

Consider Sire for child address to the father and Mare to the mother (for Chiftains)? What do you think?

From over there, it's as big as.  From here, it's a ripple of the past.  Isn't the whole issue here managing that distance?

Thanks NJC!

I appreciate the sensitivity to style!

Onnen was one of (Queen) Nyfain's servant women. She was/is a slave (as most of the servants are). (King) Camuir got her pregnant. And she had a son.

I think I'll just take her name out of this scene and let it focus on Elen and Camuir. Ill have to see though.

This book is going to look nothing like it originally did! Haha! Every once in a while, I find some old note or outline of a scene and think "This is all wrong! It doesn't go that way at all!" Hahaha!

K

I think I must be confusing!

I meant that the narration does not refer to Enhinti as "princess". Other characters call her "Princess" and (I think) somewhere in Drech's POV in some book she is called "his princess". I did this to match Drech who is only referred to as " the Pendragon" by the narration when it is not his POV. (Like when it is Camuir's or Enhinti's POV instead).

Am I making any sense? (I feel like I'm rambling!)