TBD

Status: Draft

TBD

Status: Draft

TBD

Book by: Tall-Patient-5024

Details

Genre: Action and Adventure

Content Summary


Hello! I've written 8 short chapters for a book idea / passion project, and I was hoping to get some general feedback before I really sink more time into it. So, I'm open to any and all critiques!

 

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Content Summary


Hello! I've written 8 short chapters for a book idea / passion project, and I was hoping to get some general feedback before I really sink more time into it. So, I'm open to any and all critiques!

Chapter Content - ver.0

Submitted: August 07, 2026

In-Line Reviews: 1

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.0

Submitted: August 07, 2026

In-Line Reviews: 1

A A A

A A A

Points: 1.34 ( 0.89 Regular Review + 0.45 New Member Bonus )

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Beau got to his knees and looked up at a seemingly endless forest accompanied by a dense fog. He put his hands on his head and gripped his hair as if he was going to rip it out, but didn’t pull. The fog grew denser, slowly consuming Beau in its nonexistent jaws. He felt an odd comfort from the fog, he welcomed its advances as he sought the relief of being swallowed whole. But, in an instant, the fog disappeared, along with the forest. In front of Beau now stood an entity of sorts. A pitch black figure slightly taller than him. It lacked any features, it simply stood there, expressionless. Just as a newborn baby understands it must breathe to survive, Beau’s instincts told him to run, that the entity sought to hurt him. No, it was more than that, this entity sought his complete destruction. He attempted to stand, but his muscles were nonresponsive, he couldn’t even turn his face away from the entity. Beau begged, pleaded with his legs to move, exerting every ounce of willpower he had to get away. He began to convulse, shaking violently, his vocal chords letting out an embarrassing screech as he attempted to scream for help. He focused his attention back on the entity, who had somehow grown a set of perfect blue eyes, which did not break Beau’s gaze. Blood leaked out of Beau’s eyes as he continued to fight against the invisible chains which bound him. The entity was unphased, it merely stared. Beau’s eyes looked down at his right hand, which was now holding a knife. He knew how to win, how to stop the madness. He poured all his focus into his right hand, and broke free of its invisible chain. The knife steaded before Beau’s neck and, without hesitation, Beau stabbed his throat. 

 

 “Hey! Stop fucking screaming you’re going to give away our spot!” a woman was bent down in front of Beau, with her hands on his shoulders, shaking him aggressively. “Come on man it took me forever to find this place, don't make me have to carry you further.” Beau swapped his screaming with hyperventilating. “Well, I mean, that’s better I guess.” After fifteen or so rapid breaths, Beau finally recognized the sensation on his wrists, the coarse rope which bound him to the chair he was sitting in. “W…what’s going on”, he stammered. He finally got a good look at the woman, she was probably around 5 foot 8, with long, black hair. She wore a tattered, baggy grey hoodie and black cargo pants. “Right, um, I’m sure the ropes ar—” 

 

“Is this real?”, Beau snapped. 

 

The woman’s expression was blank, as it took her a second to process what had just been asked. “Um, yes?”

 

“I…I mean, it f…feels real but so did the forest, was that real? The pain, it was the s…same  as real life.” Beau’s eyes were now glued to the floor. 

 

“Hey buddy, look” the woman put her hand on Beau’s shoulder again, “I got no clue what you’re talking about, ok?” 

 

“There w..was a forest and a man a…an—” in his fervor, Beau hadn’t realized that the noise from earlier was gone, but he was now acutely aware that it had returned. “GAH, FUCK”, he screamed. The woman punched Beau in the gut “I told you, no more fucking screaming.” The punch woke Beau up to the reality of the situation, he was a captive. Of course he was a captive, why else would he be tied to a chair. “Ok look”, the woman pinched the bridge of her nose “no more talking about forests, alright?” Beau quickly nodded, “r…right.” 

 

The woman exhaled deeply, and once her composure had been regained she tried again, “All right, here’s the deal. Me and you both fucked up. And we fucked up with the same people, as it would turn out…” Beau interjected “What? No, I haven’t done any—”, but the woman simply spoke over it, “Now, I’m not a believer in something greater, but I gotta admit finding you fighting that geezer was some stroke of luck…” she pulled out a cigarette from a carton that had been concealed within her sweatshirt pocket,  “Look, if they catch me, they kill me. You’re different, though, you’re part of the family, they won’t do more than rough you up for causing them to lose face.” 

 

Beau tried yet again to interject, “W…wait, you know who I—” but it was, yet again, unsuccessful, “So, here’s the deal” she exhaled the smoke from her cigarette, “I’m going to take you back home, and offer an exchange. You in return for my name being cleared.”

 

That’s right, Beau thought, he was running from home. But, what was home? He scoured his barren memory for any semblance of home. Deep within the back reaches of his mind lay a faint, delicate memory. It was without a face, merely the feelings associated with recollection that no longer existed. He reached for those feelings, and a shock was sent through his chest. It burned while being cold, an seemingly impossible mixture of pure rage and incomprehensible sadness. “No, I’m not going back.” said Beau with a confidence that surprised even him. 

 

The woman tapped her foot and snuffed her cigarette out, “Yeah, figured as much, it’s never that simple, is it?” She walked around to the back of the chair and checked the restraints, “Maybe I misled you by saying we was making a ‘deal’. You don’t have a choice in the matter. But, I can’t exactly deliver you as damaged goods — no, that’ll only add to my list of ‘crimes’ — so looks like I gotta wait it out ‘till you understand the futility of the situation.” She then walked to the door of the cabin and opened it halfway. “By the way, I stitched you up. Whoever you got to fix you up wasn’t actually a doctor, you got ripped off…” she let out a small, restrained chuckle “fucking purebloods, no clue how the world actually works.” 

 

Beau responded quickly “W…wait, you’re just g…going to leave me here?”. The woman rolled her eyes “Yes, obviously. But relax, this place should be secure, and I’m going to run recon for the geezer…” she then focused her glare directly on Beau, “but…” she flashed an insidious smile, “the longer you wait to accept my ‘offer’, the more likely he finds us”.

 


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