Chapter 3
It wasn’t the sound of wind buffeting the window that drew Kerry’s attention from the computer screen, it was the growing realization that something had changed. There was no sound at all, not even the staccato click-clicking of his fingers on the keyboard. He stopped typing and opened his mouth wide, trying to clear his ears against the sensation that the air pressure had changed. Kerry opened his mouth again, stretching wide and racking his jaw side to side, but his ears wouldn’t clear. He reached absently for the half-empty pack of Dentyne gum on the desktop when an unmistakable glow caught his eye.
Metal edging surrounding the desktop shimmered a cobalt blue. Bright threads of energy danced and sparked along the steel. Kerry shoved his chair backward, toppling it to the floor as he stood.
“Shit! What the hell…!”
Blue flames arced between his fingertips. He slapped his hands to his thighs to quench the fire. Around him, everything metal surged with color and crackling power. His watch and buckle, the faucets, pots and pans on the counter, knives in the butcher block, all was enveloped in a surreal St. Elmo’s Fire.
Kerry turned to the window and gasped, the hair on his neck prickled. Every bobblehead on the sill shone brightly, each coil spring clearly visible through the plastic, lit like filaments of incandescent lamps. The superheroes jittered violently, bumping into one another, some teetering on the edge. The window reflected the undulating heroes with a backdrop of elongated lights flickering and twisting on the frosted pane. The figures seemed alive, sycophants appeasing some voodoo priest in a crescendo of ritualistic flailing.
A corona of light, too bright to look at, pierced the space around the edges of where the door should be, leaving an intensely dark nothingness within.
She formed slowly a few feet inside the room; sprigs and tentacles of swirling vapor emerged from the blackness, coalescing into the naked form of divine womanhood, yet nothing about her came into perfect focus. She was beauty viewed through water, shimmering and elusive.
It was happening again.
“This isn’t real, none of this is real.” Kerry whispered, his thoughts racing faster than his heart. Hallucination, that’s all this is! You know it’s all in your head! But these thoughts couldn’t dispel the terror that gripped him.
Kerry desperately wished now that he had taken the Zyprexa earlier, that he hadn’t been so stubborn. He willed that the vision would stop, but the girl was no longer in transformation and now stood before him, voluptuous in her perfection.
Her waist-length hair draped over one shoulder, obsidian black in stark contrast to her glacial blue-white skin. Black runes were tattooed in concentric circles around the areolas of both breasts. The marks were sweeping and bold, elaborate and intertwined. Memorizing. She was a black-and-white apparition except for the vibrant pink of her raised nipples and slightly parted lips. Kerry avoided her eyes, afraid of what he would see.
She moved toward him.
He stumbled back two steps and hit the bed. The girl--no, he could no longer think of her as a girl--the woman, walking slowly across the room, held out her hands, and he saw the barest smile form on her lips. To his horror, he found himself reaching for her hands and jerked back. The smile left her lips. Kerry looked into her pupil-less eyes for the first time and couldn't look away.
“Come to me.”
Her voice, a silky-smooth whisper, belied the force the words produced. Kerry felt his will at war with an enemy within, a slithering feeling of invasion as real as if worms were in his blood. Somehow he found strength enough to push the feelings from his mind and stepped to the center of the room.
“No.”
“You still don’t want me?”
“You’re not real.”
“Can you remember last night and say that I’m not real?” She stroked the fingers of both hands up from her waist and cupped her breasts. She took one fluid step and then another, her body lithe, her manner predatory. “I would have thought you enjoyed my attentions. I’m hurt.”
She didn’t sound hurt.
“Hallucinations only last so long. This will be over soon, and you’ll be gone. I’ll take my meds, and never see you again.”
“Ooh, spoken with such conviction! But you don’t really believe that, do you? Why would you argue with your imagination? No--I can hear your heart beating from here. Pitter-patter! You know I’m real. I can smell your fear--and delectable as that is, I would rather you had different feelings.”
“Like loathing?”
“Like reverence!”
She opened her mouth and violently huffed strands of vapor that corkscrewed into Kerry’s face and up into his nostrils. The effect was an immediate numbing of all his senses and he sagged, ready to topple. She closed the distance between them in a pair of strides and with one hand around Kerry’s throat, raised him upright. She slowly brought his face to hers, first brushing her lips lightly against his cheek. She then trailed her tongue along the line of his jaw until reaching his gasping mouth. She relaxed her grip and let him catch a single breath before thrusting her tongue deep inside. Kerry bit down.
Enraged, she flung him across the room and into the kitchen as if he were weightless. He slid into a trash can, sending soda cans across the floor with a clatter. Spewing guttural animal sounds, the specter flung her hair back, her eyes wild. She raised her arms and the intensity of power surged throughout the apartment until every surface suffused with crackling blue fire.
“This could be so much more enjoyable for you, if you’d let it. Playing hard-to-get isn’t as attractive for a man, or didn’t anyone ever tell you that? But who are we kidding? It doesn't really matter what you want, only what I need. So,--we’ll just have to do it my way.”
A score of smoke-tentacles emerged from behind her and roped across the floor. Kerry tried to stand as the first tentacle pierced his left arm below the elbow. It wrapped around his bone and Kerry cried out in agony. His other arm and both feet were speared in the next instant and Kerry stiffened, his cry burst into a full-throated scream. He could feel muscle being torn from his bones as their grip tightened.
“Shush, my darling, you’ll wake the neighbors. And that just won’t do, will it?”
She blew a kiss in his direction, releasing an ethereal wisp that floated slowly until sucked deep into Kerry’s lungs. His screams died out as he faded into unconsciousness.
He awoke to find he was naked and held spread-eagle on the bed. The overwhelming feeling of blood-worms filled his mind and stole the last of his will; he was no longer in control of his body. He watched her manipulate an erection that he could not stop. She mounted him and took him inside, thrusting forward and back. She was on him, and in him, and he could do nothing but watch as the runes flashed rhythmically before his eyes.
Hulk and his crew of superheroes watched and danced with fervor as the she-devil raised her head and began her familiar cries.
© Copyright 2024 Derek Atkins. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
In-line reviews allow you to provide in-context comments to what you have read. You can comment on grammar, word usage, plot, characters, etc.
First paragraph.. perfectly describes that feeling of loss of some hearing.. though not to the extent described here. The physical tricks one tries. Opening the mouth wide... shifting the jaws.. only other one I do is to close my mouth.. hold my nose and blow.. trying to clear ears ducts.
Love your smooth descriptive text. Like "buttah" You move from a relaxed atmosphere to a controlled shift to tension and fear.
"elongated lights flickering and twisting on the frosted pane, the figures seemed alive, sycophants appeasing some Voodoo priest in a crescendo of ritualistic flailing" Poetic in nature.
Then we move to a more seductive paragraph... titillating [no pun intended] :D but not over the top.
"her manner predatory." uh huh...
“Like reverence!” I think she is really meaning... bow down to me.. :D I own you! :D
Yep... think I was right!!! Wasn't exactly a show of gentleness.. LOL
Very descriptive as you lead your reader through all the "action" well choreographed.
Oh my lord...:D
“Shush, my darling, you’ll wake the neighbors. And that just won’t do, will it?” She blew a kiss in his direction, releasing an ethereal wisp that floated slowly until sucked deep into Kerry’s lungs. His screams died out, and the only sounds that remained were Hulk and his crew of superheroes dancing with fervor on the window sill."
Loved this!
Patti
Thank you Patti!
It's funny how I can never leave a piece alone...I already have plans to do a major tweak to this encounter in the next version!
I love the way you review, as a stream of consciousness moving down a chapter. It is very helpful to understand which parts stand out and if the places that I envision to have impact, really do or not. Always a pleasure to see your name come up!
Derek
Well that was unexpected!
Once again there are some beautiful descriptions. That opening paragraph conveyed perfectly the sense of ears blocking and sound disappearing. It also worked to alert the reader that something was coming.
I really had not expected the girl to be quite what she turned out to be. The action scene was effortlessly done, so well done! I am really hoping there is still a lot more to come.
Sandie
But is it really happening to Kerry? I hoped that the reader would question this encounter, but maybe I failed in that aspect. Hmm...I'll have to consider this scene more closely in the next version.
Thanks for your reviews Sandie! Very appreciated.
Derek
Hey Derek,
nice work here. I think you did a great job describing everything that was happening before the spectre appeared. Good job of making her both terrifying and alluring!
I really don't have any suggestions for you on this one. I just think you did a bang up job here. And as I am not one to do line editing I'll just finish by saying your story is coming along nicely and I look forward to reading more.
LS
You don't know how much I appreciate a writer of your caliber reviewing my work! All I can say is thanks, and I hope not to disappoint. Trust me, the crazy is just beginning. The next chapter or two will change gears a bit and introduce two characters. I'll try to keep the intrigue interesting enough to keep you on board. Crossing my fingers...
I already read chapter two of Transition (loved it) and will review asap.
Derek
I love psychological horror stories, especially the ones that make you wonder if everything is as it appears on the surface. With Kerry being off his meds for several months, this could be the reason for his paranoia and the hallucinations; yet Ruben said he heard moaning and commotions that made him think Kerry was having wild sex in his room. And since "she" came to him, his writing had taken off again, but that again could be the result of getting the drugs out of his brain. So I'm thinking this has to do with going off his meds, but I'm hoping she isn't an hallucination, that you've got something else up your sleeve.
I loved the fine descriptive visuals of the blue fire's effect that preceded her slow materialization inside the room. Liked how you described her coming into focus.
Now I'm anxious to find out about Kerry's interrupted childhood, if his paranoia and OCD has to do with more than his father's abandonment and his mother's psychological abuse. I also wonder if Mother is still in the picture, as Kerry writes the perfect murder mystery in his condemned apartment building.
I'm also wondering if Vera has a connection to the plot, other than being a kind old lady with some dementia issues.
Dentine gum **I think it's spelled Dentyne.
It's a good page turner, Derek,
later gater
Nathan, this review is more than I could have asked for. You hit every point that I had hoped the reader would consider. There is so much left to unfold you don't have to worry, I have a great deal up my sleeve, and Vera plays an important part. Vera will surprise you. The story has a somewhat 'expected' plot on the surface, but it isn't the whole story, by far!
I need to thank you for a very important suggestion you made, even though it was just a question about Kerry's relationship with his mom and dad. I feel a grinding as the plot takes an unexpected turn in my head!!!! So...thanks for that!
Deep appreciation Nathan
Derek
flowing pencil