'A Simple Plea'
Oh to fill man's heart with love and light
hence remains no room for dark to hide
No threads of bigotry wind nor weave
within their sinew's embroidery
Exaggeration ~ misinformation
satin stitched with mastery
Alluring shiny smooth surface
concealing what is hidden
Darkness within darkness
hatred hovering
alighting
upon
man
*
© Copyright 2025 flowing pencil. All rights reserved.
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I liked the first few lines, but the last part of the poem seemed to contradict the theme of the first part. Perhaps that was your intention? the imagery of the last part was good. I think that conveyed the image of how we often delude ourselves about our sinful inner thoughts. I am a very poor judge of this style of poetry.
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Thank you so much for reading my latest piece of writing. I always appreciate feedback in regards to message and formatting etc etc. There is an honestly required in feedback and that so many are not doing these days in reviewing as to "not hurt the feelings" of the writer. NOT so much on this site though.
I've reread the poem over and over and had it read by others. No one remarked about any contradiction. The first line simply sets the stage that IF man's heart was filled with love and light" "light" being "facts" "truth" none of the following would take place as truth rids one of biased views. As with the ridiculous idea that all Muslims are terrorists.
As for formatting.. I so understand as I also have problems with some formatting. I prefer the centered balanced formatting many poets use over the left sided formatting. Just a choice.
This particular piece I kinda wanted it to look like a blade.. that cuts.. I may try another choice.
Thank you for the insightful feedback. It is an invaluable asset to have on TNBW
Patricia
HI Flowing Pencil
The depth of your perception and your genuine expressions clearly bring A SIMPLE PRAYER to the forefront of my understanding. Your opening lines touched me when I first read this ----- Simple Prayer
which of course is not simple... it is wise and says far more than one would at first comprehend.
Irene
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Glad you liked this one Irene. I may revisit it later and play with the formatting a bit. I wanted it to look a bit like a knife as hatred and bigotry is like that. It cuts and slashes men's souls and thinking.
I might also change the title to 'A Simple Plea' Need to think on it a bit. Trying to take advantage of my new zeal for writing before it takes off again.. :D
Always appreciate your loyalty and feedback.
Patti
I tend to agree with Bluetwo. The opening lines are definitely a noble goal, but then, as the words begin to funnel down (literally), the prayer changes slightly.
Then, As I read your poem a second and third time, I saw the wording for what it was. The lofty goals of the first lines are always present, simply hidden behind the walls that man has always built. The prayer was to bring down the walls.
~Tom
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Only the first line is meant to be different in mood than what follows "hence" Having said that.. I'm not sure it should take a second or third read to grasp the intent of the writer. My hubby read it and he has forgotten more poetry than I know. He grasped it immediately but he also is used to MY way of writing.
There may be a better way of making it clearer though. I'll take a look at it later..
As always, thank you for reading and the feedback
Patti
I did not see this posting/found it browsing thru. I'm reviewing 'plea' right? Either one sounds right to me. Yes, inundated with the mastery of coverup. Beautifully said. I'm with you on all counts. Kudos. . BT
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Thanks for reading and commenting on this piece. Rewrote it a bit so perhaps my intent is clearer. As the creator of a piece we know what we are trying to say. AND some work will be a bit evasive and on purpose. Makes the reader work a bit. Many pieces written by someone with far more education and skill in writing, create works that I could spend days trying to fully understand. They call for dialog. Mine? Not the case usually lol.
Patti
A heart untouched by today's world is a heart either not beating or connected to a brain profoundly brilliant. The treads of bigotry are stitched in every heart, but some of judicious temperament and brilliant minds can place that bit of stitchery in the do-over or toss out pile.
The Internet presently fills most heart and minds with light and dark; and it is The Golden Fleece, and also the Devil's Shroud... the code weavers, web embroiders all trying to out-do each other for their daily bread and the perfect, magic garment where one size fits all, makes everyone happy or makes everyone a stooge.
I wanted to fit The Golden Calf in that last paragraph somewhere. lol... still thinking about that.
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Hi Max! Good to hear from you. I'm still working on reconnecting with members from the old site. I am shocked at the names I somehow forgot. SAD that some are no longer with us in life or on the site. :(
It is difficult for a person to grasp that indeed bigotry and egotism dwells in us all. It rears it ugly head mostly in anger. We may mutter it under our breath but it is still there. Though perhaps in that case it is more meant on the level of calling a female you are angry with the "B" word. Add color to that and it then becomes a racist slur.
Anyhow, don't get me started. :D
Patti
I enjoyed reading your poem. The best thing about the poem is the fact that everything that is mentioned in the poem is done in a simple way and in a straightforward manner.
So the best thing that I liked about the poem is the line
Exaggeration ~ misinformation
From this line onwards till the end of the poem. A very well written poem, which is interesting.
Author
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Thank you for reading and the feedback. Simplicity is my style and not only because I feel it is easier to understand but because I'm simply NOT a very complicated writer. As a person I'm complicated but as a writer? No. At least I don't see myself that way.
I am distressed about the lack of understanding present in this country of mine and how it defiles what we once stood for and have overcome. NOW to be moving drastically backwards. Saddens me. Angers me..
Patricia
Hi, Sis! Was just passing through, updating Dance in the Rain, and I ran across your poem on my way out the door. I loved it!
I think you nailed the way things are today. Man's heart is filled with so much hatred and despair that there is no love and light anywhere. I am not sure how we got to this point, but somehow we did.
Love and respect for our fellow man has gone by the wayside, only to be replaced with disrespect and disregard for all things sacred and holy. Darkness has fallen where once there was light.
Great job. I read it about ten times! Good wording, very thought provoking.
Hope you are doing well! I completely revamped DITR, and now it reads the way I want it to read!
Working on revamping Two Roads to Sunday before I resubmit it. When I wrote the last chapters of that one, it was during a very dark time for me. Now that the darkness is turning into daylight again, I have new thoughts and expressions to share. Hopefully soon I will have my head back on straight.
Hugs to yoiu!
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This is eerie Marilyn as I was about to try and email you again to see how you are doing and if there is new "sunshine" in your life.
I am thrilled you are working on DITR as it is still one of my top favorites ever written on TNBW I've told so many about it. Also happy you are working on "Two Roads to Sunday" Love the story.
I truly believe you have NO idea how good you are. I believe wholeheartedly that you have very marketable work. Work that one would read and put aside to only read again and again.
You just made my day.
I'm so pleased you liked my effort "A Simple Plea" as trying new formatting etc.. NOT completely sure it works but an easy fix.
Patti
Hey, Patti. Love the format 'cause it fits this poem so well! But there's quite obviously much more here than an apt format:-) For starters, doubt that a better title could be found. "A Simple Plea." Kind of saying/praying, "God, let the Spirit minister to those who're in dungeons of darkness, that they may be freed."
The Bible says that Darkness has no fellowship with Light. The Darkness, as you say in your poem, is much about hiding...hiding hatred, plans for evil, and so on. In the Light, life is more effortless...so much less energy is expended in trying to hide things. But - dang it! - there I go again, getting on the soapbox, the one with wheels and a powerful sound system!
In 12-Step recovery groups, they say, "Find God or die!" They also talk about feeding "The one you want to win"... In most cases, our good side, the part of us who wants to become sober, sane, and pure.
And again, I really dig how you worded this!! You've impressed me so many times, but possibly here you've impacted even more:-)
TOPS!!
Mike
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Mike..so so sorry for being tardy on getting to these. Long story but it boils down to extreme tiredness due to lack of sleep. Almost overwhelming to even read a review let alone read the works of those I'm behind on. Will get answers but in the meantime.. spending more time on art. Keeping me sane.. :D Well, almost.
Will try and catch up on some of your posts .. you are such a prolific writer :D Have you ever counted how many poems you have written? I bet it over a thousand if not two thousand!!
Thanks you for always being so supportive.
Patti
No
bluetwo