Flight
She tiptoed, eyes half-closed
in the cool of morning,
daringly close to precipice edge,
a wingless bird longing for flight.
Wind gusts ripple her gingham dress.
Bowing stalks sprinkle diamond dewdrops
to earth like enchanted jewels.
They flash, then disappear from sight.
Dew’s mist rising, Starling crying,
her hands lifted in place of wings.
She sings a song of freedom lost.
Release, a joy beyond her might.
Crystal harmony, bird and beauty,
entwine in atmosphere of longing.
One cries for a mate so lately lost,
the other an end of reins held tight.
© Copyright 2025 Derek Atkins. All rights reserved.
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Here we vividly see a woman on the edge -- physically desiring flight off the cliff -- mentally wanting escape, flight, to end her grief. But there is confusion, in my mind, about whether she has "lost freedom" or won freedom by the "end of reins held tight." I read that last line two ways: (1) the end of the reins are still holding her, or (2) the holding of the reins has ended. If your meaning is #1, then perhaps remove "the end of" from the line, so the last two lines would be:
One cries for a mate so lately lost,
the other for reins held tight.
The "one" is the starling crying for a lost mate. The "other" is the woman crying because she can't fly because of something (the reins) holding her back.
Anyway, that is the meaning I get. If I'm way off base, please set me straight.
I must say, this is lyrically, beautifully written. The flight/sight/might/tight stanza end words are a subtle rhyme, sneaking up on the ear. I love this, and read it several times to enjoy the sounds.
Author
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Hi Wilma
Thanks again for reviewing my work. I think that the changes you offer for the last line reads much stronger. I'll most likely change it. Your reviews are truely helpful and I look forward to reading more of yours.
If you have time, maybe suggest the next piece of yours I should read?
Derek
Hi,
I normally review the short stories, but thought I dabble in some of the poetry posts. First, I like the title. It feels freeing.
Section one: The feeling of a cool morning definitely comes through.
Section two: It is clear now that is is a girl, the gingham dress brings good thoughts.
Final piece: "Dew's mist rising, Starling crying," That is a great line. You should be proud of that!
Author
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Thank you Lottie, I really appreciate you comments.
Take care,
Derek
Oh, and I'll take a look at your work asap too.
This work has strong imagery of a woman who's lost something and in a moment of desperation takes flight. Now, I imagined a woman taking a swan dive off a tall building almost in triumph. I don't know if that's what you meant or not.
I think, though, this is a very good verse:
Crystal harmony, bird and beauty,
entwine in atmosphere of longing.
One cries for a mate so lately lost,
the other an end of reins held tight
One that will haunt me for a while, for sure. Excellent work Derek! dags:)
Author
Reply
Thanks Dags!
It helps tremendously to read what line or parts touch someone. Thanks for spending time with this poem.
Derek
I feel like the poem can be seen from two different perspectives.
On one hand, it seems to describe a little bird stepping up to the new challenges before it. On the other hand, I think this poem also is about you. Is this supposed to represent you at all? Specifically in regards to pushing forward in life. Accepting the trials that come your way... not wanting to let yourself get defeated. I also sense mixed feelings in the poem... The fear of "flight" combined with an ever-present desire to experience it.
Personally, I find poetry to be amazing. I think poetry is probably the most common form a self expression. Why? Because it gives the author the ability to paint a personal image in a short amount a words.
I have only written a few poems myself. But mine are a different style. I prefer to write poems that rhythm. Those are my favorite. However, there are SEVERAL poems out there (like this one) that are very good and don't rhyme at all. So it just comes down to someone's personal literary style.
Well Done.
Author
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Thank you Billy for an excellent review. I enjoy the depth of thought that you employ, and look forward to reading your work as well.
Please shoot me a quickie on what you want me to review, I'd be glad to.
Derek
Wilma Bailey