produced by Flowing Pencil's suggestions. An offshoot of her poem, "Whisky and a half loaf of Bread"
End of Hope
Steam rises from my brother’s form,
merging with vapors; gunpowder and mist,
blood moving faster than his chest.
Both coalesce to stillness in dust and grass.
He lies there, a child, dressed as a man, a soldier…
A pawn like me.
Pale face turned skyward to catch the rain.
Unanswerable questions plague me…
Did he see the angels come?
Can he see me where I stand?
Where have the men of reason gone?
Instead, flowery words of victory ring in memory.
Just over that hill---that valley---another ridge.
Victory for who?
Blue?
Grey?
The Devil?
Who pays the price of principle?
President or pawn?
© Copyright 2025 Derek Atkins. All rights reserved.
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This poem takes the haunting images of photography of American Civil War battlefield dead and makes them personal. You choose to focus on one "brother" as "He lies there, a child, dressed as a man, a soldier." Extremely moving. The face turned skyward to catch the rain is a brilliant line, as if the dead thirsts -- and this brings up that one image I remember of the open-mouthed soldier in that photograph.
Nit: Did he see the [angles] (angels) come?
The line about "flowery words of victory" shows the buried anger behind these images -- the terrible attempt to romanticize and glorify war.
Great poem.
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Wilma
Thanks for the review. I know it's a dark poem, but the emotions of war affect evey generation, and ours is no exception. Your review was deeply appreciated.
Oh! and thanks for the bonehead nit! my bad!!
Derek
I'm not sure how I missed this posting Derek. It is so moving and you captured the essence of war in all it's colors. The utter darkness of disbelief .. the gray of gunpowder and the shades of red from raw open wounds to settle into dark red as it slowing stains the ground.
So many simply children as you penned "dressed as a man, a soldier
.. and lastly "a pawn."
The questions you ask? I've asked those also. Do they see the angels come? Those perhaps who have already made their journey to the grave. Do they recognize each warrior as he/she joins the rank of those who sacrificed all. AND for what? Is there bitterness in the "afterlife?" If there is an afterlife. I believe there is more beyond our walk here but in an entirely different form.. Perhaps an "energy" blended with all that lies out there in the heavens.
Now this is writing! Far better than anything I could pen. The words sink deep into a reader's soul.
Kudos!
Sorry I'm so late with this. Have no clue how I missed it!
Patti
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Thanks Patti for getting me motivated again. It feeels good to have the fire rekindled.
I'm working on a piece now that isn't so dark. Not sure why I feel more inspired with dark material, but that's the way it goes. Maybe I should embrace the madness? haha!
Thanks again for your encouragment
Derek
Dear Derek:
Nice poem.
Blue or grey I think you're talking about the civil war, but I think your messages applies to any war. Human beings are siblings, no matter if they are German or British, American or Russian, etc.
The soldiers who fight a war, they'd never know victory. It's their masters the ones who will taste victory, not them. They'd only kill each others for reasons not clear for them.
Unanswerable questions plague me...
Kiss,
Gacela
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Very well said Gacela
Thank you for taking the time to review this.
Much appreciated!
Derek
I want to know who invented the internet
Wilma Bailey