Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi → The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B.
The caps gives it more formality (more mocking) but I suspect either form is reasonable as long as it's consistent.
In particular, the caps implies someone famous carried this epithet before. Consider:
Hurry up, twinkle-toes
Hurry up, Twinkle-toes
(the latter being a Flintstone comparison)
Consistent? Me? I think not.
I trolled a dozen articles this morning on this subject. Not surprisingly none had a usage like mine. I'm going to treat it like an informal title (like emperor). So, capitalized in direct address and if it precedes his name, otherwise lowercase.
Thanks
Dirk
Scenes one & two of chapter two have been rewritten! Two to go.
Not sure if this will help you: https://accordingtohoyt.com/2016/10/08/research/ .
Thanks. Interesting article. I've lost track of the amount of time I've spent doing research, much of which never gets used when I go to write. On the other hand, at least I now know how they build office towers in an earthquake zone. I whittled it down to one sentence.
Can someone please tell me how to rewrite the following without was/were. I give up.
Seven-year-old Apollo Julius Caesar III sat in the game room of the Imperial Palace on Earth with his half-brothers, Caligula, Romulus, and Remus. Caligula was a year older. Romulus and Remus, twins, were a year younger. Although Caligula was the eldest, it was Apollo who was Heir to the Imperium Romanum since he was the only child of the emperor and empress. The other children were illegitimate sons of the emperor.
Thanks
Dirk
Hmmm. A challenge of English Composition, I'd call it.
It sounds like AJCIII is the topic, but it also sounds like you're beginning a chapter or scene, which means that you don''t have to make AJCIII the topic all at once. You can develop the relationships and people as settings before settling on AJCIII.
Four ((royal?)) half-brothers sat ((waited?)) in the game room of Earth's Imperial Palace.
Caligula was eight; the twins Romulus and Remus were six. All three were illegitimate, so seven-year-old Apollo Julius Caesar III was Heir to the Imperium Romanun.
Or
Four ((royal?)) half-brothers sat ((waited?)) in the game room of Earth's Imperial Palace.
Caligula was eight and illegitimate; the twins Romulus and Remus were six and illegitimate. That left seven-year-old Apollo Julius Caesar III as Heir to the Imperium Romanun.
That last paragraph reads a little like Agatha Christie, I think.
Hope This Helps.
I'll try, but I don't think it's the was/were's that's an issue or as a minimum, the only issue. The amount of facts/data/info crammed into one paragraph is really not helping.... Maybe interspacing some action in between might help?
Seven-year-old Apollo Julius Caesar III sat in the game room of the Imperial Palace on Earth with his half-brothers. The twins, Romulus and Remus, were a year younger, Caligula a year older. Despite Apollo being younger than Caligula, as the only legitimate child of the emperor and empress, he was the Heir to the Imperium Romanum.
Maybe this gives you an idea or a bump in the right direction, I can only hope. I've tried. I might have to try again tomorrow, I'm tired, work's crap again.
Thank you, both. njc, AJCIII is the POV character. I've read more than once that it's best to establish that in the first sentence, even the first word, if possible. Not sure how important that rule it is.
Janet, yours is very close, but I also need to establish that the illegitimate kids are sons of the emperor, not the empress.
I'll play with both your suggestions. Damn am I bad at this.
Gracias.
In general I agree with the rule but you sometimes need scene-setting. The example I gave moves toward him and settles on him in the context around him--critical information that tells us why the character is important.
Voila! Got it down to three, including the extra stuff about the kids all being sons of the emperor.
Seven-year-old Apollo Julius Caesar III sat in the game room of the Imperial Palace on Earth with his half-brothers. Caligula was a year older, and the twins, Romulus and Remus, a year younger. As the only child of the emperor and empress, Apollo was sole Heir to the Imperium Romanum. His brothers were illegitimate sons of the emperor.
Janet, njc, thank you both.
I suggest moving 'with his half-brothers' after 'sat'.
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As I've often said, this shitius just writes itself.
Except when you get your buddies to write it for you 
I did my part. I prayed someone would write it for me. 
Opinions, please. I'm wondering when to italicize new words. Following are four examples.
1) Tactical overlays showed their light nova cannons, heavy supernova cannons, and shields readying for battle.
2) “Warning, intruder alert!” Aussie said. “Imperial Classiarii are now boarding this vessel!”
3) "Gobs! The whole galaxy?" Joseph asked, his eyes round as saucers.
4) Apollo was sole Heir to the Imperium Romanum.
Number one seems correct.
In number two, the new word is Classiarii. I think this one should be italicized.
In number three, the new word is gobs. Not sure what to do with this one.
In number four, Heir to the Imperium Romanum is a formal title. Should it be italicized on first use?
I'm also not sure what to do with all the other made up words in the book. Do I italicize all of them on first use?
Thanks
Dirk
Is 'gobs' an expression of surprise like 'blimey'?
I recommend not italicizing new words... especially if the word is not new to the characters and not stressed in any way. That would make for a very bumpy read
I concur, so long as the word is not being intrduced to any characters.
I concur - for new concepts/words, context is important.
Much as I would love to disagree with a unanimous opinion (I like italics), there are too many new words, and I can't italicize them all. And it's just weird to italicize words in dialogue just because they're new.
Thanks
Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi → The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B.
