NorthernSkies or NS - Janet (Page 6 of 9)

In GG, the insanely loyal HeterodyneJaegermonsters were only added once the first book of the story was being written.  But they have sunk into the warp and weft, and strenghtened the story in many, many ways (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20160704).

I'm almost back to normal (talking about my routine - my mental state is another topic for another day!)

Latest chapter is done - should be up towards the end of the week and then I can catch up with everyone, everything and a few reviews over the weekend!

Catherine is not a fighter. She pulls the dagger out unintentionally when she is trying to escape Peter's stroke.  That is when the spurting begins, and the BP drop starts.  Peter staggers and Matthew can grab his swinging leg.  Peter tries to throw his sword at Catherine but it goes off to the side, tumbling.

Oh, please no Star Trek! But if I have to, well, who knows, maybe I can like it a little or just enough to get through it. I've outgrown that.

Matthew is a bit in a tight spot to do anything really - both his arms are pretty occupied, so Catherine is on her own. That said, my initial intent was that Peter's unbalance was more due to shock and surprise - Catherine wasn't supposed to have another dagger and she was definitely not supposed to actually use one to stab him either. But it sounds as if this doesn't work or didn't come through from Matthew's POV. If it's the latter, it's an easy fix - I just have to add dialogue to that extent. If ti's the former, it will be a harder fix - the stabbing isn't the real thing that kills Peter - it's surprise, losing his balance and then falling from height. The reason why I like this, is that neither Catherine nor Matthew actually kill Peter.

Like you said in the review - I'll use Adventure to make sure it's a good scene but always keeping in mind it's still intended for Romance readers. And I think they really wouldn't care too much about the details as long as Peter is dead and Catherine and Matthew are heroes so that M and C can just get together for their happy ever after. That said, the obligatorily separation before that can happen is coming soon.

I've thought about the combat and found a couple other thoughts I want to share.

1) C lunges up and hits with an overhand knock on Peter's head. First, is she ambidextrous? Because she would have thrown the knife with her dominant hand, leaving her off-hand for the rock.

2) Declare the prop. First of all, you said, 'knives' (multiple) in a description. Yet you only have C throw away a single weapon. We also need to know that C put the knife in her boot when she woke up at the beginning of the chapter.  You also need to have a scenario where C shows Peter her knife and he knows about it. (At a table or to cut thread while she works with the women.) Otherwise, I have to suspect that he has seen her dress.

3) For the fight...have C replicate a move that she saw while she watched the men fight during Andrew's training. Because she hasn't fought for this entire book, she hasn't worked out in secret...hasn't joined the men in the pell...I can see readers questioning her willingness to use violence.

4) Suggest that you have C use the cloak to trap Peter's sword without allowing him to slice her. That way, the cloak issue is answered and becomes part of the fight. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloak_and_dagger

5) Rather than having C hit him in the head from a kneeling position (and risk being cut), I suggest that you just have her break Peter's kneecap. That will stop him from following and allow her to escape.

6) Motivation for Peter...His hatred of Matthew should be foremost on the mind. Instead of taunting C about how she interferes with his plans, consider having Peter know about the tryst. Face it, the house steward knows. Therefore, he might have mentioned this to Peter. That makes killing C all the more sweeter because Matthew will be hurt by killing his lover. (If Peter knows about the knife in the boot, why doesn't he know about the affair?)

However, Janet has C watch the men fight. I think this is a lovely tie-in where she plans what to do based on tactics that she learned that day.

1) C lunges up and hits with an overhand knock on Peter's head. First, is she ambidextrous? Because she would have thrown the knife with her dominant hand, leaving her off-hand for the rock.

She is using her off-hand with the rock. Desperate times do not make choosers.

2) Declare the prop. First of all, you said, 'knives' (multiple) in a description. Yet you only have C throw away a single weapon. We also need to know that C put the knife in her boot when she woke up at the beginning of the chapter.  You also need to have a scenario where C shows Peter her knife and he knows about it. (At a table or to cut thread while she works with the women.) Otherwise, I have to suspect that he has seen her dress.

I have three, if not more, times mentioned that Catherine always have two daggers with her, one per boot. What I haven't shown is that others know this too. The question how Peter knows about her having A knife will be answered later.

3) For the fight...have C replicate a move that she saw while she watched the men fight during Andrew's training. Because she hasn't fought for this entire book, she hasn't worked out in secret...hasn't joined the men in the pell...I can see readers questioning her willingness to use violence.

I might have to clarify that her love/concern for Matthew override any sensitivities she has against using violence though. But I don't think she specifically needs to train for this moment ...

4) Suggest that you have C use the cloak to trap Peter's sword without allowing him to slice her. That way, the cloak issue is answered and becomes part of the fight. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloak_and_dagger

Against Peter, a trained fighter/stronger man? She traps his sword, he punches her in the face. Game over?

5) Rather than having C hit him in the head from a kneeling position (and risk being cut), I suggest that you just have her break Peter's kneecap. That will stop him from following and allow her to escape.

A broken kneecap will not work for what I have in mind at the end ... I'd appreciate it if we could park this after you've gotten to the last posted chapter ...

6) Motivation for Peter...His hatred of Matthew should be foremost on the mind. Instead of taunting C about how she interferes with his plans, consider having Peter know about the tryst. Face it, the house steward knows. Therefore, he might have mentioned this to Peter. That makes killing C all the more sweeter because Matthew will be hurt by killing his lover. (If Peter knows about the knife in the boot, why doesn't he know about the affair?)

The servants and Walter's discretion is unquestionable, although there's a different way for Peter to know or at least suspect that much. He tried to kill Matthew once in Matthew's chamber when Matthew wasn't there ... And Matthew opened Catherine's chamber door to listen after he though he heard a noise ... Not being in Peter's POV means he has to talk about this. He's crazy enough though, so this is an option I have open, and will consider!

Thanks for this! Sorry about the absence, I was away for work and only came back late last night. Today so far was mostly a waste writing wise.

He's not going to recover from a femoral artery opened with both entry and exit wounds.  He's liable to suffer a severe blood pressure drop and go faint.  And then loose consciousness, and then die.  (This is for her final attack on Peter.)

NJC:
"Again, we're on the precipice. Long sentences with long logic chains take us out of the moment. // Or are you trying to hew to the Romance character?"

I've recently seen something that will explain the Romance with a R and adventure with an a:

That said, I'm trying to back down just a tiny bit on putting too much focus and making it ridiculous. Which it sometimes can be.

Amy, I got it! Will do, the cloak shall be mentioned! Thanks!!!

No one gave me crap about the abbey ruins where a few secret meeting took place ... And like cottages, rivers, hills, hamlets, etc., watermills (not windmills) are a typical thing I really hope I shouldn't be spelling out for historical readers?

I agree with Amy, although with slightly less mania. I'm medicated against that, you see. Hint, Amy. :-)

Part of what I like about your novel, Janet, is that it takes me to another time and place in our reality. I like to slow down from time to time in that setting to take in the scenery, the culture, etc. of that time period. No hard stops needed, just blend the stuff in with passing references.

In regards to falling, rolling, and thumping:  A fall coverts the potential energy of height into the kinetic energy of motion.  In a straight fall, all that kinetic energy is downward.  But if you roll using the energy of the fall, some--ideally most--of that energy goes into spinning you, so you hit the ground or floor with less linear velocity, less downward velocity, and less kinetic energy in the direction normal to (perpendicular to) the floor.