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Comments from Sheriff Norm:
I feel Athens needs to talk to Helga, both realizing they are stuck in the same body.  they need be friends.  When Athens gets in a jam, Helga can ask if she wants her to take care of it?  And Helga should never say anything negative about Athens.  Athens loves Patrick, Helga loves Oxford.  So they swamp places to be with their loves.  When Helga is conscious, Athens doesn't remember what she did, she is surprised later until Helga tells her what she did. Then she is embarrassed or pleased depending on the situation. AFter chapter 35, when Athens is thrown from the car and saved, and Patrick comes running up to her, she is totally unaware of what happened when she was first kidnapped and asked Helga to help her.  Patrick can't figure what is happening. And about this time in the story, Athens finally admits to Patrick what is happening.  And he has to believe.  He witnessed it.  He tells Athens what happened and his father tried to kill him for the brotherhood, but now he is dead, too. Athens is sympathetic to Patrick and they make love right there in the bushes.  Voila, what an ending. PS, you need Buchanan in the car too, explainiing to no 700 why giviing up his son is a small price to pay for the reward of catching Helga the demon. And father  arguing but finally tearfully submitting.

I see there are two main things I need to incorporate into previous chapters to make this one make more sense.
1: Her mother doesn't want her to be a ballerina. She wants her to get a good education, find a nice man, come back to the village, marry and provide her with grandchildren. She doesn't want Sarah to travel the world, because she wants her family to be close to her.
2: Sarah's a people-pleaser. She's determined when it comes to ballet, but makes a lot of decisions only to please others. I tried to show this in earlier chapters (eg. she mentions to Hugh she started university to make her mum happy, she drinks those shots with her friends, and Jack and Alicia call her a pushover).
If I enhance this part of her personality, I hope it will make more sense that she's agreeing to whatever people say, just to keep the peace, but in her mind, she's dying to escape.
Last - she can't hate Hugh for getting her pregnant. She's reasonable & knows it takes two to tango ;-)

congrats!

Ah - so I started with book two! Would you prefer me to continue with two or start with one?

Just published it to the group now

It's on the right hand side of the page below three adds to buy books, where it gives you the option to receive blog posts by email
'Enter an email address to get new posts by email'

Stefanie Dubois - Day of Darkness - Ch 6 - 15/03
Cobber - State of Vengeance - Ch 18 - 01/04

Kurdish Connection Ch17 by Randall 15/02
Raven's Curse Ch1 by CJ Driftwood 15/02

Day of Darkness - Ch3 by Stephanie Duboise - 02/02
State of Vengeance - Ch17 by Cobber - 02/02
Krudges - Ch1 by Matthew Abelack - 09/02
Yes, I just noticed everyone is posting their reviews here :-)
I'll be hitting up Randy's Kurdish Connection next!

Google Docs is great! It has pretty much all the functionality of Microsoft Word plus other features. It's absolutely free. You only need a gmail account to use it.

Didn't even know you could comment on a comment! Would definitely like a notification in this case!

Great stories! Congratulations to the winners!