Hi Amy, Thanks a million for the review! Yes, exactly what I was looking for! I always wait for a few reviews and then start experimenting based on the feedback. Here's my reply:
I'll see what I can come up with as an intro. I must confess I thought it was catchy when I wrote it but coming back to it later I had my doubts. The counting plays a part int he story later (It's based on a true story and my mother-in-law did count like that through the whole weekend. (But to spare my husband developing a bad rep, Dani is his brother. And a lot of it is fictionalized, too.)) Oh, and another btw, in Hungary premarital sex is no biggie, even if you're religious. The mores are different here. Its a very Catholic country with no problem with abortion. A lot of it has to do with 40 years of communism. Religion for a lot of people is like an article of clothing you can take on or off at your convenience. (Although in my story Mother and Child, that's not the case for the main character.)
I did have a question about it being heavy on the page. I understand about long sentences. The text may need some cleaning. But I think you also meant visually overwhelming perhaps? Too many long paragraphs? I'll experiment with that too. My stories often need weeding but it takes me awhile to figure out what to weed.
Thanks again, Amy. I am very grateful!!