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Hello LAMackey: Sorry about that, I got in to much of a hurry. For some reason it did not sink in that you were going to use the writing sample for later classes. I appreciate the work you are willing to do to help the the writers taking your class. I made some corrections on the original sample re excess attributions. I have provided a new example with more dialogue that will provide a lot of fodder for future lessons.
Sincerely, John
PS I think lesson one is gone. It occurred to me later that you needed more time if you wanted to read my responses on lesson one. Do you want it re-posted? I actually deleted it, hence the review will be not be available.

I posted the writing sample with the label Dynamic Dialogue Work Book to the Dynamic Dialogue forum. I have started on Lesson #1. I did home work exercises one and two. It is great fun. I'm looking forward to getting into exercise three tomorrow. Sincerely, John

Sounds like I may lean something, I'll take the course. Sincerely, John

Danielle--I outline down to the scene level. I never know how many words each scene will take. As I go along I add scenes and delete scenes. For me a chapter is simply a set of scenes that are related to one another. I never know the real ending of the story until I get there.

I'm pleased to see someone has started a topic on editing. I am now in the beginning stage of the 1st edit of my novel Murder at Midnight. I have pushed version 0 off on all my good friends here at TNBW. The many comments and suggestion are greatly appreciated, but I know I have a long way to go. I have learned a great deal. I have read many novels, and quite a few good books on how to write. I should have known that the art of writing entertaining stories, above all took work, fortitude and an ability to shrug off disappointing results, and keep going. One of the early books I read was John Gardner's "The Art of Fiction." I guess, I failed to notice the subtitle, "Notes on Craft for Young Writers." One of his main themes for young writers stresses the learning process of reworking a story over and over and over. I am now doing this and I'm not getting any younger. It's hard work.

Creating a story isn't enough. I thought that once I had a solid plot and a cast of characters, I could just start writing. It seems to work for some people. However, I found that I needed an outline, but before I could do an outline I needed to write a synopsis. You know how it goes. I found some writing software I liked, and so I launched my first major fiction attempt. My goal was to write a murder mystery. Now my goal is to make that murder mystery readable.

The member of TNBW showed me that I needed to learn the basic rules for using commas. I'm getting better. I thought I knew the rules for writing and punctuating dialogue, but making the leap from knowing to doing has proven to be difficult. Reviewers have pointed out that my writing is often choppy, because I use a lot short sentences and seldom use conjunctions and dependent clauses. What I am trying to say is that I have finally reached the point where I may be able to improve up on my initial draft.

I am going line by line through each scene. My software included a reader and I'm finally using it. If I leave out a word it sounds odd. I realized I had to insert the word or the dumb reader would keep making the same mistake over and over. After reading a series of choppy sentences, I go back and combine sentences about the same things using a conjunction. Some times I can eliminate a short sentence by making it a subordinate clause. I even use a prepositional phrase now and then and put commas between adjectives. I know, it is amazing I ever got out of high school. All though I am excited about editing, I am finding it exhausting. Sincerely, John

Very good, Ops, superb.

Generally I don't like footnotes in fiction. I have written historical fiction which is fact based. However, the action is portrayed through fictional characters in the story. In these cases I use a one page account of my sources. Bernard Cornwell, who writes a great deal of historical fiction, often has a map page and a place name list at the beginning of his books. He often has a page or two at the end of his books in which he comments on the main historical sources he used as background for his story.

I second the motion. John

I looked at the writing tips. I remember reading a lot of them. I just reviewed crazeesharon's post on passive voice. It is the best treatment of the subject I have ever read. Sincerely, John

I talked to a local judge (retired) about warrants. He said I need more evidence than I have presented, at least for him to issue a warrant. He said people often give officers permission to search their property. (He didn't say it was a wise decision, just that it happens.) Hence, I will be changing several early chapters. I still plan on doing the search. I once knew a young woman who allowed officers to search her house and they found drugs her boy friend had stashed. She was arrested. The judge put her on probation, but she spent a couple of week in jail before the deal got worked out.