How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (Page 7 of 8)

I find it easier to reply to questions inline as I don't have to keep flicking between tabs and copying stuff over. But there was no point in replying that way if you prefer not to go back on your reviews.

Thanks nj, just responded to your inline on Air and Water. My inline reples are added at the same time as the basic reply, so if you see that you'll see them too. I like that we can keep a specific conversation going inline if we wish to, or as you say, we can just bring it here.  Thanks for all your comments about my appalling paragraph breaks. It's not something I'd applied myself to, so that is really useful.

Oh, and the 'had' problem. That is a harder one for me. I guess the only way out is NOT to combine flashback with current action. 

Everyone, what is your preferred way round the pp problem?

Oh, topic shifts and flow are things I notice because I have to work hard on them too.

Pick pick pick:-)

I didn't gather that's what  they meant... but I don't think I need to this early in the story - not without it dominating the chapter to the point of distraction. "The Edge" is enough for now that I get a feeling it's not a place anyone wants to be.

That's great! It's an interesting place The Edge. I like working in there a lot, but it isn't actually seen until Book 2.

If your story is written in past tense, then past tense is the story's present amd past perfect is the story's past.  Switching to past progressive ('was going') does nothing.  Oh, and The Best Advice nowadays is to avoid the progressive aspect unless it's really, really needed, to make the text more compact and to make it feel a little more definite.

sounds like the theatrical maid on the telephone trope...

This one writer has a place called the [E a r t h w o u n d] that's a fascinating collision of energies that kinda creeps up on the reader. Basically you have this bad place. And the story doesn't get into exact details about how it got there. But the characters respect it, which makes it terrifying.

Boring you all, I am sorry    I've used up my points (thank you all...) and updated the files with the last chapters of Part One. This is now retitled as Part One, and is complete insorfar as it won't be edited any further for plot or chapter order. Any reviews or notes here will be gratefully taken on board in case it gets rewritten yet again. and now its needs nitty gritty attention, I suppose. Starting on Part 2 when I've done my duty and reviewed some more of yours to get the points back up.

p.s. one of the interesting things about this site is that I now go over my post before I send it, in order to correct the punctuation.  And still get it wrong, no doubt

First thing I usually target is the environment.

Is there a second sun? > How does this affect time recording > ow does it affect sleep patterns?

or

Does the planet orbit within an asteroid belt? If so, meteor showers might be spectacular and frequent. They might even have a name ("oh here comes another dusting!"). If society is not sufficiently advanced, they may think the storms have deific origins.

Basically I adjust the environment in some significant way then work backwards to find out how the characters have adapted to it.

Oh, it need not be spacey to have inexplicable suns or an unusual atmosphere. I was starting at the cause and drilling down to effect. The effect is apparent in the story, but the cause can be glossed over. Here's another:

Planet has a highly elliptical orbit resulting in long, harsh winters. Effect: humans hibernate