Topic: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

I'm wondering how many people would write a sentence like the one in the subject line, where the eyes are able to express emotions (e.g., love radiating in her eyes; he could see his father's pain in his eyes; etc.). Technically, it's probably the whole face that shows the overall emotion, but I focus on the eyes as the primary source of the emotion. In the case of Lupus, I could say he scowled, but that doesn't convey the strength of his emotion.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

for me, although I often use the eyes as the windows to the soul, burned isn't the right word here. If he is scowling, his eyes are probably 'chilled with exasperation', or 'exasperation bleached his blue eyes to flint', kind of thing.  Colder, you know?
I know in some circles the animation of body parts is frowned upon, I can't see much wrong unless you are writing highbrow lit fic.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

I agree with Lynne that burned might not express the exasperation. The word that comes to my mind is 'sighed', but it might not be what you mean. More generally speaking, I have no problem with giving eyes a broader meaning than the physical act of seeing. Eyes do express quite a bit. The TV series 'Lie to Me' comes to mind, and all the POV character can deduce from looking at eyes, face, and body language.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

The real problem is that you're mixing external description with internal emoting.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

njc wrote:

The real problem is that you're mixing external description with internal emoting.

I know that is looked at with disdain, but really, what is wrong with it?

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

To be precise, his face expresses his emotion. He's exasperated. I'm simply using the eyes to represent what his face is showing.

Also burned is the right word here. He's in the middle of a heated argument with another character.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

there you go then, it's all in the context smile

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

You can read feeling in the eyes, yes, but can you narrow it to exasperation?
And does exasperation constitute burning, or is that require a different species of frustration?

If you can't identify the emotion from the eyes alone, you need other description.

9 (edited by kraptonite 2018-03-07 23:16:52)

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Lynne Clark wrote:

there you go then, it's all in the context smile

If the burn in his eyes was inflicted by stubbing the red end of a cigarette, then you'd really see the hurt in them.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

There's something else at play here--the exasperation. Depends on POV.

If the story is being told in deep third person from Lupus's POV, yes, you can say his eyes burned with exasperation.

If the story is being told in deep third person from another character's POV, he/she can't possibly read Lupus's mind to know he's exasperated. So you can't write it that way.

And if you're writing the story as the omnipotent third person, you just committed author intrusion. For shame!

Watch your language.  JP

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

This is kind of in the same vein as using improper speaker tags such as "he laughed, he blushed, he smiled, she giggled, etc." You can't actually laugh or blush, etc. words but that doesn't stop people from using them or editors/agents/publishers, etc. from frowning upon such usage. To be sure eyes can burn from various things, but they don't burn with frustration. But if an author is going to argue for such use, then it is probably a waste of time to try to dissuade them with the technical impossibility of it. Most likely a future publisher will be the only one with that influence. My opinion for what it's worth. Take care. Vern

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

This doesn't seem all that different from "he sighed with exasperation," and I know I've seen phrases like that quite a bit. Can you tell from just a sigh that someone is exasperated? I don't really want to stop in the middle of a heated argument for showing. (To qualify, it's the third person POV of the other character in the conversation.)

13 (edited by j p lundstrom 2018-03-08 04:27:17)

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Norm d'Plume wrote:

Can you tell from just a sigh that someone is exasperated?

Can't be done.

Also, if a character's eyes are burning, it's probably from exposure to smoke or chemical fumes, and the only way another character would know about it is from their redness.

But it's become common usage, and no amount of wailing, gnashing of teeth or wringing of hands on our part can stop it now.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

okay, so how would everyone express the burn of exasperation, if not through the eyes?

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

A facepalm? :-)

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Norm d'Plume wrote:

A facepalm? :-)

not you... you are burning... I was thinking more of how people who don't like body parts doing things body parts don't usually. How would they express exasperation?

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

j p lundstrom wrote:
Norm d'Plume wrote:

Can you tell from just a sigh that someone is exasperated?

Can't be done.

Come on...  Sure it can.  Exasperation is merely intense irritation.  I can tell an exasperated sigh from my seventeen-year old just by the sound of it coming through from the other side of the door to his room....I can tell the same sigh coming from my eight-year-old in the backseat.  Exasperation is easy to see and hear with a sigh.  In fact, I can’t think of any better way to effectively exhibit full-blown exasperation other than a good sigh with that hard puff out, sometimes tainted with a groan.  My kids usually punctuate that exasperated sigh with an exasperated eye roll....

Not sure where the “burning eyes” bit comes from.  Sounds painful....

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Angela Ackerman has a series of interesting thesauruses, including one called the “Emotion Thesaurus”.  In it, she describes elements of every emotion imaginable.  She organizes them according to how they might evolve. For instance: Suppressed Aggravation, Annoyance, Anger.....

This is the entry under “ANNOYANCE”
DEFINITION: aggravation or mild irritation
PHYSICAL SIGNALS:
A pinched expression
**Sighing heavily or with exaggeration** (emphasis mine)
Statements suggesting impatience: Here, I’ll do it.
Narrowing eyes
Crossed arms
Tapping a foot, fidgeting
Swatting at the air
Tics and tells (a throbbing forehead vein, fingering a collar)
Lips pressing into a white slash
Clenching the jaw
Grimacing, sneering, frowning
Complaining
Folding the arms across the chest
Hands that briefly clench
Making pointed suggestions to alleviate the annoyance
Tugging at clothing (jerking down a cuff, forcing a zipper up)
Cocking one’s head and then shaking it
Raising one’s eyebrows and giving a glassy stare
A gaze that flicks upward
Minutely shaking the head
Changing one’s stance (shifting weight or position)
Propping the head up with a fist
Holding the head in the hands
Opening the mouth to criticize, then stopping short
Taking a deep breath and holding it in
Finger-tapping a tabletop
A smile that slips or appears forced
Snapping a pencil tip, using unnecessary force
Pacing
Light sarcasm
Asking a question that has a painfully obvious answer
A sharp tone
Speaking in short phrases
Visible tension in the neck, shoulders, and arms
Rigid posture, cords twanging in the neck
Rubbing the brow as if to ward off a headache
Avoiding the person or object of annoyance
Pressing a fist to the mouth
INTERNAL SENSATIONS:
A headache
Stiffness in the neck or jaw
Raised body temperature
Sensitivity to noise
MENTAL RESPONSES:
Berating thoughts
Straying attention
Thinking of an excuse to leave
Making unkind mental comparisons
Wishing to be somewhere else
CUES OF ACUTE OR LONG-TERM ANNOYANCE:
A reddening face
Rough handling of objects
Taking over someone else’s job or duties
Grinding one’s teeth
Throwing the hands up in a gesture of surrender
“Stalking off to get some air
Shutting down, not speaking or responding
Pulling someone else into the situation to divert attention and allow one to exit
MAY ESCALATE TO: FRUSTRATION, ANGER
CUES OF SUPPRESSED ANNOYANCE:
Nodding, but tightly, as if holding back from speaking an insult
Switching to another job to keep hands and thoughts busy
Attacking a task, diverting one’s energy
Forcing oneself to remain in the presence of the annoyance
Faking interest, barely holding impatience at bay
Carefully controlling one’s voice and tone
Focusing one’s gaze elsewhere in an attempt to ignore

WRITER’S TIP: Don’t get caught up on the eyes to convey emotion. While eyes are often the first thing we notice in real life, they provide very limited options for description possibilities. Instead, dig deeper, showing how the character behaves through their body movement, actions and dialogue.

Excerpt From
The Emotion Thesaurus:
Becca Puglisi & Angela Ackerman
https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/emotio … 5492?mt=11
This material may be protected by copyright.

19 (edited by kraptonite 2018-03-08 13:18:36)

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Bevin Wallace wrote:

Not sure where the “burning eyes” bit comes from.  Sounds painful....

Hench my josh, earlier up the thread.

An opinion garnered from reading huge amounts of amateur writing leaves me with the view that graphically informing the reader of a character’s inner thoughts, feelings or intentions via the eyes (or other facial parts), often comes across as cheesy and cliché.

Within a well written passage it can work as a device, but only once or twice within a novel because it quickly becomes tedious.
I feel it is also a case of ‘telling’ where the author might actually think they are ‘showing’.

Describing the facial features is not the issue. When an author writes something like;

‘Jed rocked from the blow, narrowed his eyes and spat.’

I get it. I totally get that Jed is riled up and ready to fight back.

When an author writes;

‘Jed rocked from the blow and the pain that burned within his eyes turned quickly into a look of smouldering vengeful hatred.’

I think jeeeze!  You don’t need the writer to take me for a walk around the garden in order to graphically explain that the blow hurt Jed and that he is going to fight back.

...and there’s the author thinking how gifted and gilded their prose is, and the reader thinking ‘jeeeze!’

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

kraptonite wrote:

I think jeeeze!  You don’t need the writer to take me for a walk around the garden in order to graphically explain that the blow hurt Jed and that he is going to fight back.

...and there’s the author thinking how gifted and gilded their prose is, and the reader thinking ‘jeeeze!’

I am totally in agreement here, florid, purple prose turns me off from the first time I read it. I NEVER see it in published books. I have problems in my own writing because I pare it such a long way down that I have to beware too many simplistic emotional descriptions, rather than the latter.

21 (edited by Bevin Wallace 2018-03-08 14:00:00)

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Lynne Clark wrote:
kraptonite wrote:

I think jeeeze!  You don’t need the writer to take me for a walk around the garden in order to graphically explain that the blow hurt Jed and that he is going to fight back.

...and there’s the author thinking how gifted and gilded their prose is, and the reader thinking ‘jeeeze!’

I am totally in agreement here, florid, purple prose turns me off from the first time I read it. I NEVER see it in published books.

“I NEVER see it in published books.”  LOL
Read twenty pages of the this monumental piece of published crap:
Fifty Shades of Grey LOL

22

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Exasperation is not just irritation.  It's related to frustration, though it's causes are slightly different.  Frustration comes from one's purpose being thwarted, by purpose or accidend.  Exasperation is a lesser emotion and results from the failure of another to understand or conform.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Bevin Wallace wrote:
Lynne Clark wrote:
kraptonite wrote:

I think jeeeze!  You don’t need the writer to take me for a walk around the garden in order to graphically explain that the blow hurt Jed and that he is going to fight back.

...and there’s the author thinking how gifted and gilded their prose is, and the reader thinking ‘jeeeze!’

I am totally in agreement here, florid, purple prose turns me off from the first time I read it. I NEVER see it in published books.

“I NEVER see it in published books.”  LOL
Read twenty pages of the this monumental piece of published crap:
Fifty Shades of Grey LOL

Oh yes... I forgot about that. I should rephrase that to 'never in the books *I* read.

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

njc wrote:

Exasperation is not just irritation.  It's related to frustration, though it's causes are slightly different.  Frustration comes from one's purpose being thwarted, by purpose or accidend.  Exasperation is a lesser emotion and results from the failure of another to understand or conform.

“Exasperation is a lesser emotion and results from the failure of another to understand or conform.”

You won’t find any dictionary that supports this narrow definition....

25 (edited by njc 2018-03-08 15:14:02)

Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation

Probably not.  But dictionaries don't explain the difference between real and reactive power.  They're not about fine, deep distinctions.

Are you writing for the dictionary or the reader?