The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (Page 21 of 49)

Don't underestimate the corrective abilities of a laser pointer.
Anyway, Luke's adoptive parents managed to die somehow, so I imagine even ep4-6 had Stormtrooper who could hit the broad side of a barn

Actually I found not seeing it the most troublesome. Also, I suspect Star Wars didn't show it because of technical limitations. I would hand Lucas the same criticism:
Show me who I'm supposed to care about.

Hmm *thinks about Dune.*
Giant worms with teeth sharp enough to re-purpose into a razor without being honed.
Giant worms eating people (Oh my!)
Gom jabbar (poisons injected into children to test them for psychic ability and a box that makes you think your hand's burnt off)
Shigawire (Handcuffs that snip limbs off)
I think I've covered chapters 1-10. Don't even get me started about the latter books

I suggest minimizing these. To understand, go rewatch Red Wedding, and picture all the places violence could have been implied rather than shown.
Try to grasp the visceral reaction you have to the episode. Note the pacing of the deaths, how they form a swing or a tide.

This sanitizing and bleaching... I don't think I'm getting what you're trying to convey.

I suppose I equally have trouble understanding why they would (bother to) edit the guns out of ET

Marsha-1 dies at the hand of her own invention. I suppose I could have sanitized it by having them simply find her dead the next morning.
Is anything gained by showing it?
Yes, absolutely - in that case, it was the villain's chance to show it means business.

The toppling elevator in RocketBaby might get sanitized... but only because I want the camera pointed more at my mains. In this case the reduction would serve a purpose.
I wouldn't remove Einhart's gun-happy musical band: No self-respecting villain shows up to a fight outnumbered by protags

I guess my question is... are you trying to get into PG to widen the potential market?

Kdot, do you think Sibrassi is a sufficiently Japanese surname? I want to stick Seabrass in as the shogun.

I was hoping to keep his pen name more obvious. I'll try Shibrassu.

Thanks
Dirk

Interesting. I no longer find references to myself or my book on the first page of Google. Just like I want it. Was that due to a change to our group's configuration, or did Sol do something?

She (bu) ra su. (no double ss is allowed for proper Japanese mora.)

correct. Nippon uses "small-tsu" so it doesn't really have two p's any more than "Taipei" has an 'e' and an 'i' in Mandarin.

That is... Nippon is "Ni-tsu-pon" in Japanese

What I was trying to explain is that you're "trying to fit things in" in your first few chapters when you should be concentrating on telling a story.

In the end, that's what it's all about. Tell me who the main character is, explain why I care about him, and set him on his journey. Details like what happened two thousand years ago aren't as important until I've reached the point where I invest. I can't invest yet because I don't know the M/C.

All I have so far is
chapter 1: death
chapter 2: [snippet][snippet][snippet][snippet]
chapter 3: [encyclopedia snippet]

I'd rather read:
chapter 1: death
chapter 2: characterA
chapter 3: characterB
chapter 4: characterA
chapter 5: characterB
chapter 6: [encyclopedia snippet]

Don has a good approach that way. Have a close think about his organization of the A-B-A-B scheme

As for the name... you're a little bit stuck because you have sounds a Japanese speaker would stumble over.

I can't even suggest "cha-ru-zu" (Charles) because
a) Spoken by a germanic or latin influence, it sound nothing like the original
b) it's an impossible family name in Japanese and it makes me want to grab a broom

I bent my head around this one for the last half an hour. Here's what the issue is...
a) Japanese doesn't have a "si" (they can approximate with a "ti" but it's just not the same.
b) there is no "br". The approximation is "bura"
c) ending in an "s" is possible via "su" which sounds 99% the same... however germanic and latin based languages will make this rhyme with "hue".

One short name has 3 impossible letter combinations. Herein lies the fundamental problem. All possible approaches involve phonetic gymnastics.

I can see no other solution than to punt the name onto a different character. For example, you could assign him to Lady Kay's role. "Kei Kobayashi" works much better than any variant of Seabrass.

Shiburasu has grown on me. Is there a meaningful difference between Shiburasu and Sheburasu? I'm guessing the latter sounds more like shay, but I don't know what I'm talking about.

Which one sounds closer to sea? Shi or She?

Wow! Thanks for all the work. I decided Shiburasu is fine. No one but us will get the joke, anyway.

Never mind. I can use Rosary, since it's Joseph, and still give a nod to Rosie.