The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (Page 20 of 49)

A count down only tells me that what I'm reading now is irrelevant

I used End of Days and made the changes to my offline copy. It comes across very well. So much so, I'm going to continue the countdown in later chapters, whittling it down to months, weeks, and then days until Caligula attacks. The only hard part is figuring out the exact timeline so I can count down to zero. I'll finalize it after v3 is written.

Give me a break. It's a countdown to doomsday. If it doesn't work, all I have to do is yank out a few lines of text. It won't hurt to have the timeline nailed down, either way.

Although I can't remember exactly, I've seen either movies or shows that have done it. One was a countdown to a bomb exploding.

MASH did it (counting forward) with a surgical procedure in which a critically wounded patient only had something like 20 minutes to live while they waited for another terminally ill soldier to die so they could harvest a body part. They had the clock onscreen the whole time.

Like I said, if it's a dud, I can easily yank them and all I've lost is a few hours working on a precise timeline. I did it for v2 as well.

No other book does it? Now you're just egging me on.

If you wrote, Ex: Apollo was
eleven when he first heard God, and it was his last good day. ( No need for dates or times to keep track of...go straight into brother dynamic...start chapter with a hook and forewarning.)

Whatcha think?

Thanks. Will ponder.

Flake that I am, I'm now leaning back toward keeping all three time jumps in the same chapter. As Dr. Francis wrote in the distant future (7329 AD), the original purpose of the single/combined chapter (4 short scenes) was a brief biography of the MCs' formative years before the main story begins. My other purpose was to document when God entered each of their lives. I think Dr. Francis's biography gives me cover to do it all in one chapter.

They're suggesting a "Let the story flow" approach where the stor never stops for (seemingly unrelated) other stories. It's a newer approach... a now-approach... an immediate approach. The classic approach is one where the writer may freely dabble in outside factors. Frankenstein, Princess Bride, Fraggle Rock... they all use classic techniques of overlay stories.

What I'm saying by calling the technique classic is pick the technique that works for your story and try to be consistent. Evidently, that requires a giant epigraph. If that means a 15-minute deadzone where the story halts and the narrator winks at the reader... if that means a dancing Bombadill that everyone complains about... you might have to just let that be and let the market catch up with you later.

Amy, I've now got poo, cow farts, and elephant gas. (Shut up, K. I know you're thinking it.) I think I'm going to make poo Joseph's major curse word, for which he regularly gets in trouble from the admiral. For the rest, I'm going to see just how many unique ways I can have him say gas/fart/burp/turd. There may be a serious s-bomb in his future, in the Elite Tongue of all things!

Joseph says cow farts to God.

I'll be sure to discuss this particular contribution of yours in the acknowledgements section. :-)

P.S. Go back one post, please, and let me know what you think. The Dr. Ess writeup probably has to go at the beginning of chapter three, since I have others that need to follow. Problem?

I can't put her at the end. There's a sequence to the writeups, and Ess is first. The others build on it. I'll try putting it at the beginning of the chapter and see who freaks. I can always move the big writeups in between the chapters to keep the order right without cramming together an epigraph with a chapter to which it doesn't really fit. It's unfortunate. All the others fit in nicely.

New topic. Gratuitous violence. I have lots. I'm debating scaling back the violence, perhaps to a PG-13 level. I noticed in the latest Star Wars that the stormtroopers were actually hitting their human targets in the opening scene. I never knew they could aim. And who doesn't love a stormtrooper with a flamethrower in the dark of night?!

I don't mind blowing up 100 million souls on New Bethlehem since you never see it happen, kinda like Alderaan. I can definitely scale back the wanton slaughter of the cadets on the parade square. No need to mention their severed body parts, the gathering flies, etc. I want to keep Colonel Montford's severed arm since he just keeps going like pink bunny on rocket fuel. Billie (formerly Anikh) needs to die in Joseph's arms in order to pull off two critical plot developments, including her showing up in Joseph's head. However, she could die of simple smoke inhalation. No need to blast her.

I would miss Ensign Ecks charging headfirst into the line of fire, blowing out the chests of one Classiarii after another, while howling "For the Realm!" (Amy wrote that, probably after double duty in the ER, treating mass shooting victims, pumped up on six cups of Starbucks espresso, extra sugar). It's a great scene, showing his courage in the face of death. And I absolutely love the howl. However, he also gets decapitated and his head rolls toward the admiral, eyes still open. The decapitation can go. I guess the chests blowing out needs to go, too. Not sure about the latter.

More violence happens on Earth where Apollo's father executes young William at the Colosseum. Also, there's the staged assassination against the emperor. I have a lot of bodies in there, too. Also, Caligula gets part of his head blown off there, although that has to stay in order to make him a cyborg. I also toss some of Mama's guards out of a flying vehicle and plow the rest into a building.

And let's not forget space battles. Those are sufficiently sanitized to keep. I blow up a few worthless characters. Meh.

Last, but not least, Joseph blows the admiral's head off. That stays!

That's most of it.

Thoughts?

I personally find v2 too violent. I'm trying for a little more character/setting/plot development and less carnage. Less Starship Troopers, more Dune.