Re: Unbar's Thread
You could also move the series identity above the author name ....
I'm always open to reviews on my very rough and incomplete work.
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
You could also make the ground they're standing on into the page of a book, perhaps overlaid with a translucent background. (Use the text from some non-spoiling part of your book 1, so you don't run into copyright issues.
- amy s
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Re: Unbar's Thread
Unbar,
My next project is to rewrite Acts and split it into two books. Have you read that one?
My recips are spotty lately because they started a new computer system at work and it kinda sucks my soul and poops out all my energy. However, I don't mind giving you reviews as long as you are willing to be patient.
- Unbar
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I'll take a look at Acts then Amy. I'm not sure which one I reviewed previously. Either way it's been a while so it won't matter. i know all about work sucking the life out of you. I am running appointments from 8 in the morning until 8 at night every night 6 days a week right now so even when I am home I am wiped. It will slow down soon so hopefully I can dig out then. This weekend I am planning on formatting my 2 books for Createspace so I can get them up on hardback. One question to everyone. If the cover doesn't wrap around is that a major downer for you? I have spent a pretty penny on cover design, marketing and editing this past month and just can't justify going back to my artist to wrap the cover. I will at some point but not right away. Do you think I should wait or go with a solid color on the back so I can get it out now when all my paid marketing hits? Opinions welcome.
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
Use s solid backgound in a color that seems to blend into your cover.
- Norm d'Plume
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Re: Unbar's Thread
What about putting a summary of the book on the back in a font that matches or comes close to the one on your front cover? Or perhaps endorsements written by people who've already read it, preferably by published authors..
33 2016-11-26 07:12:16 (edited by Unbar 2016-11-26 07:14:04)
- Unbar
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So I have been running two free promos for my first book, Gift of the Master, and this morning it hit number 2 in my category for Amazon! I am pretty excited to see so many downloads off of two free promos that didn't cost me a dime. I am now writing a short story to give away for my newsletter. I am using Mailchimp and instafreebie together to manage the promo. I'll let everyone know how it works. I have been getting an education in the marketing side of this business. My goal is to be writing exclusively in 5 years. The business is changing so rapidly right now it can be tough to keep up with it. In some ways self publishing is exploding all over, in other ways it is dying. The key is to be out ahead of it. I think the number one thing to do is to build your email subscriber list. Whether you are self pubbing or going traditional with contract in hand. An email list is the only way to build up a consistent enough income to be able to do this for a living if that is your goal. I will be work shopping my short story here so I'll let everyone know when it is up. I am also about a quarter done with my third book which I haven't posted here yet but will after. As I said, I have been educating myself on the business side of writing. If any of you have questions, I will be happy to answer them if I can.
- amy s
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Re: Unbar's Thread
Let me know. You are going into areas that I haven't been to. I'm very interested in following your learning curve. Either way, I've got my pompoms out and I'm cheering for you!
A
- Unbar
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A quick update on my weekend. I started my subscriber list on Mailchimp Friday and already have 10 subscriber's with only one Facebook post. I have joined 2 cross promo's with a host of other authors kicking off the first week and a half of December which should net me dozens if not a few hundred subscribers or more. I have also paid for a promo with Bargain Booksy that runs on Wednesday. We'll see how that works out. In addition my first two books will be out in paperback on Createspace and Amazon late this week. I get the proofs Wednesday so unless there are any issues with them, I'll give the go ahead then. For those who read book two here I would really appreciate it if you could go to my amazon page and give me a review. Some promos I am trying to enter require reviews. Anyway, I'll keep every0ne here up-to-date on this adventure. Crazy enough I am really enjoying the marketing end of this more than I thought I would. Maybe everyone here can learn from my experiences.
- Unbar
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I forgot to add the Amazon link to my second book. You can find it here. https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Master-Bo … 8PDJ2W5SQB
- Unbar
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I have posted the first chapter of book 3, Test of the Master. I reviewed a chapter of Acts for Amy but I need review buddies who are steady, and can reciprocate review for review. I have a goal of finishing the first draft of this book by Jan 1 so that means lots of reviews needed. Post in here if you have a WIP I can review for anyone.
38 2016-11-30 11:46:31 (edited by njc 2016-11-30 11:47:15)
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
I'll give it a shot later, though I can't offer you a steady stream of my new stuff. My initial thought on it is that you've got a lot of world to introduce for someone who picks this off the shelf.
- Unbar
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njc wrote:
I'll give it a shot later, though I can't offer you a steady stream of my new stuff. My initial thought on it is that you've got a lot of world to introduce for someone who picks this off the shelf.
You are definitely right and amy has already nailed me for telling too much in my first chapter (and rightfully so). I will have to slowly reintroduce the concepts of my world in the first few chapters and somehow find a way to do it cleverly. Right now it is a bit clunky.
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
I'm not sure you need multiple chapters. It may just be the ordering and progression of the reveals.
- Unbar
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It could be. If you do review my first chapter please offer any suggestions on that front. I am getting so caught up in the marketing aspects of writing that it can be easy to let the important parts slide. I fear that will always be the case with me. I tend to obsess over whatever is in front of me. Every morning right now I wake up thinking about what I am going to do to get my books in front of more people. I need to be thinking about what I am going to do with my story. It is a delicate balance, one that has so far eluded me. But with just one review from amy on my first chapter I am feeling drawn back to writing a better story. That's where this forum is really priceless. It sure seems to be dying though. A few years back when I first joined we created review buddy groups with 40 or 50 people just in our little group. Where did everybody go?
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
Okay, suggestions up, with a big Hope-This-Helps.
- njc
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I just put a note on Amy's review, disagreeing with part of her approach--because this continues an existing story, so it is more tightly bound than a sequel is.
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
Oh, regarding my suggestion to use text on a printed page in the surface that Tommy stands on in the cover image: the ideal text to use, if it is ready in time, might be part of your back cover blurb. Do a perspective transform to put the text in the plane of the surface, make the surface maybe .7 transparent, and put the text beneath it.
45 2016-12-02 13:35:01 (edited by Unbar 2016-12-02 20:49:41)
- Unbar
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Cool ideas njc, my covers for 1 and 2 are already off to the publisher and book 1 is live. I just approved the proof for book 2 so it will be up in a matter of days along with several promos I am running in conjunction so it is what it is. Overall I am very pleased with how both the kindle and paperback covers turned out. As far as your suggestions I did answer in your review how much they will help me tighten this chapter up. I need it to pop so between you and amy and Flowing Pencil this will really help. Once I get through my first draft I print out all my reviews, go through them line by line and decide on which changes I agree with and implement. Then my proofreader will get them and after those suggestions are implemented it's on to my editor. I look at my reviews here in the developmental stages of my draft so don't hesitate to make any suggestions or propose something totally crazy. It's just possible I might implement them.
- Unbar
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I will be getting the opportunity to talk about writing with some middle schoolers in February thanks to an invite form one of the teachers. I will be discussing writing as well as giving a little synopsis of my books. I have decided to run a contest with the kids where they think up a character, their name and attributes and I will pick a winner and include them in my next book. Any other ideas for making a visit like this cool?
- Kdot
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Re: Unbar's Thread
Preface: Don't ever accuse me of going easy on you.
Okay... all the proper nouns in chapter 1:
Tommy Travers
Amelia
Ben
Mephitis
Kaleb
Breached
the Warehouse
the Master
the Gifted
the World of Books
A Remembrance
Karina
Porter
Atria
the Tow
Original Intent
Virgo
Yashur
Genria <--- "cap"
Jostlin
Esthra
This averages a scant 200 words per noun... an average of 2.03 paragraphs per name.
I listed Genria as my name-cap. Once I hit this point in a story, I must reverse and jot them down (which I did) or else they become a carousel of name-index-cards.
Q1: Do you absolutely need all these characters right here right now? I mean Ben isn't even in the story yet. Why is he named? Are both Karin & Porter essential to attracting me to give you $10? That's the big question your chapter 1 must answer. If you stand back and eye it critically, you could get by with just one for now, and bring the other in when you have a chance.
Q2: I would suggest not starting with a sci-fi story (I know! I was the one asking for one in the previous two books). The problem is it's too late to the party and opens all sorts of questions (such as why doesn't Tommy bring a laser out of the book with him. If you lose an eye in one story, can you hop into this story and have it regrown? Why don't the villains use a sci-fi book to invent a weapon that can't be stopped with our technology?). Furthermore, you're eventually going to have to reassign Porter, Karin, Amelia, & M/C into new roles once they leave the book. Due to the size of the cast, that's going to be a jolt.
Wait a second. Star Trek tng started their episode 1 in a holodeck and forced us to reassign roles too. True... but they did it with 2 characters.
Q3: Special Note: I like the sci-fi scene and its presentation. Just knowing what I know about the series, I realize I'm in for a culture shock.
Q4: Can you make it more about Tommy than about what everyone thinks about Tommy. This is a little difficult to explain, but I will refer you to book 1 with his mother + brother dynamic. That was "living" Tommy or "pure" Tommy. What you have here is Tommy playing a role. A character playing a character. He's not being his true self. He's not being honest with himself or the reader.
- njc
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Re: Unbar's Thread
This ia picking up.fom an existing story. As a reader, I'd have problems if the main ensemble's introduction were delayed.
More thoughts in a bit ...
- Kdot
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As a reader, I'd have problems if the main ensemble's introduction were delayed.
Strider?
- njc
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True, but there's a lot happening. In a sense, that whole book is about the creation of the ensemble. Besides, Aragorn is mentioned early, in Gandalf's discussion with Frodo before Frodo leaves Bag End. Maybe you forgot about it--I did, first reading--but it was there.
In this opening chapter, the difficulties of character and ensemble are enmeshed with the tangle of topic and reveal. Before deciding that the chapter can't hold that much, or the scene can't hold that much, let's make sure that we've packed things into it in the best way.
Now, I've just hit two points en passant. Second, that you can add scene divisions to cue the reader that there are going to be changes in action and thus topic. Second, that there are two ensembles and two situations to be established (and arbitrary, 'artificial' scene boundaries can help to separate one from the other).
It will help, I think, if inner ensemble is established first, and at least the core of the inner situation. This is Tommy and his WoB story. Some parts of the WoB world-building will fall more naturally into the in-the-book adventure, but if the basic premise and basic dilemma are not established first, the reader will be struggling to put them into context.
The 'inner' story about Tommy and his ensemble in the WoB took two entire books to establish. Since this is the third book in the series, we can't start over. Nor can we take entire chapters to establish what the continuing reader will already know. And while we can't--or don't want--to do an In The Previous Episode intro, we need to make the opening few scenes provide that effect.
To make it work for the reader, we have to frame it as a small sub-story, or rather several small sub-stories, each one coherent and each one complete when it's combined with the ones before. That means, I assert, untangling the topics and grouping them into little stories that reveal, step-by-step, our starting point and launch us forward.
Each sub-story can establish several related facts, and a group of cohesive related facts can be easier to remember than one isolated fact, because it's easier to hold the larger picture if it's self-contained and doesn't leave too many questions for the reader. You need to leave =some= questions: having named a villian, the reader asks when the villian will appear. But those don't leave gaps in the reader's understanding.
Okay, I've blathered enough. Unless there are questions?
