Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (Page 68 of 77)

I like Defiler Rising.

Wolves vs Defiler. (kind of like Terminator vs Predator)

And yes, I still plan to amplify the Chronomancer's character. The Shadowbooks are just too cool so I have to use them.

Where shall I start?  With the bitterest, most brutal, cruelest, and least relevant thing.

My feelings are irrelevant because they come from the perspective of I, Reader.  They're also impossible for me to shake off completely.  You've brought me into a story which I love, in spite of some serious flaws in the telling.  Now you're telling me that this wasn't the story after all.  How could you do that to me, Reader?

With that hurtful bellow out of my chest, I the writer will struggle to be heard, and I the writer will try to shake a little sense into you.

Bollocks!

Okay, I suppose it depends on what you mean by 'vibrant'.  Matt Bird's first criterion is that The reader must empathize with the character.  Fail that, and all is lost.  Succeed, and you can get by with fifth-rate work everywhere else.  (See Evanovitch, Janet, or the early mysteries that Sarah Hoyt was persuaded to issue under the name Elise Hyatt--now back in Kindleprint.)  I'm not suggesting that you do it that way.  You, Amy_s, would have to work hard to write that badly.  Please don't.  But it could be done.  There's more than enough Jaylene to make it work.

In every human interaction, in every bitter decision, I identify--empathize--with Jaylene.  Her weaknesses are as leader and fighter.  Guess what?  She grows into that position and that's her character journey.  Yes, it needs tweaking, near the middle of the story to show it wakening, near the end because her insides are masked rather than shown by how you write many of her actions.  But when she tells Alda "I want you to know that every one of us vouched for you.  It wasn't enough."  I could cry.  At times like that, Jaylene is real.

You've got something very good.  You just need to see it clearly in order to finish it.

Jaylene's journey isn't the Hero's Journey because she's already in a position of responsibility.  She's not Lucy Skywalker, growing up in a backwater.  She's already lived one dream, an adventurer, one of the Wolves who saved their civilization.  Now she has to become two things: a war leader and the true Lance Of Behira.  She has to take her place beside Elston and Sulder.  (And this is a reason not to kill Sulder.)

As to Jaylene's backstory: It probably doesn't belong in this narrative, but it shapes who she is.  If you don't have one written, you should at least sketch it out so it will feel like she's coming from the place of a whole person--the exact opposite of Alda.  Alda acts when she doesn't know what to do.  Jaylene must learn what to do in order to act.

Alda ... it will be hard to paint Alda as a compelled mind in a way that the reader can fit into, much less empathize with.  In fact, making her 'relateable' (as other authorities say) could take over the book.  That would be bad.

Why?  Because this is part of a large story about Events.  In the end, this adventure is an Event story, as opposed to Milieu, Idea, or Character.  Yes, you need characters, so that the reader can experience the story through them.  They are the reader's magic carpet flying through the story.  But the real story is in the events, the mysteries, the conflicts of powers.  Whether you say that the point is the magic carpet or the panorama it flies through, neither has any value without the other.  Neither can reach its full telos if it tries to take over the other's job.

In Acts, Anver is the protagonist.  But Kha dominates the story when present and by his absence.  This is as it should be, and it's fitting that the story opens and closes with Kha.

Jaylene starts out as Tilly.  She must end the master story as Kha and Sil combined, but still the caring Jaylene in whom Behira can place her desperate hope.  (And this is where memories of Jaylene's appointment as Lance might play a part.)

You want an early death?  Make it clear that Alda cares about Puppy, more than she admits.  Then let her suffer when Puppy dies.  And build an implicit link between the Jaylene that Puppy died to save and the Jaylene whose gratitude Alda doesn't want.  Let Alda admit, just a little, that Puppy was worth caring about.  Somehow Jaylene must get over that shock, too.  As important as Tazar is to Jaylene, rescuing Tazar is the first step in Jaylene's coming back into life--a life that will have to be different from her old one.

Remember how Hedwig the owl died near the start of Deathly Hollows?  Hedwig wasn't a minor character.  She was hardly a character at all.  But her death stung.  It said 'this is serious'.

And, rambling on, the whole rest of Dictates is about Jaylene slowly discovering why Behira kept her alive and sent her back.  In fact, that's another way to look at her character arc.

Perfection is impossible--but it's all around us!

You've got greatness in front of you.  You're piled high with it.  You don't need a midnight run to Writer's Depot!

I hear you. And I see the appeal that Jaylene has carried with you.

I'm considering writing a side-by-side with two different Jaylene characterizations. What I had planned to do was separate Alda from Jaylene (briefly) and let Alda (through connection to the Lance) see into Jaylene's journey while Alda sleeps. That way, she would recognize that Jaylene is in danger, since Petra will be down there. And I would get a chance to show Jaylene's indecision, because that isn't her public face.

Right now, I'm torn. I want to thin this to 100K words. Something has to go.

I accept that my plot is meandering. I agree with the assessment that the Horror isn't enough incentive (by its lonesome) to go down into the Catacombs, leaving the Temple exposed when there has been two attempts on Jaylene's life. (I presented a mystery and then Jaylene escapes the whole thing by going below-kind of misleading the reader) By adding a few clues, I can provide the incentive for Jaylene to think that Base Camp might be compromised.

This isn't a midnight run to Writer's Depot, BTW. The idea is amusing, but inaccurate. I'm not selling my story by dumbing it down, or thinning it to make it commercial. I'm reorganizing, thinning, deleting, rewriting, exploring different perspectives, and seeing if there is a more compact way to tell this story. In other words, I'm doing what I consider to be a true edit. What should be done after the first draft is cleaned and ready for submission to a publisher or agent.  This is the point that TNBW doesn't nurture us to grow beyond. People just hit a natural end-point in their abilities and publish before their work is ready. They don't see past their own process.

I was so damn sick of Jaylene's story back in December. I was ready to take a break and move back to Acts so I could add more Alina-villain. However, the freelance I hired told me to finish this one. Then I could move on. And there is wisdom in his words. Because I've dawdled and spun my wheels for the last 20 years. I'm invigorated now, ready to see what happens. When I say to trust me, I'm asking you to keep pointing out what you like, what you hate, what you miss from the old work, and what makes you cheer.  I'm not discarding the old-Jaylene. I'm retelling her. What you saw (and liked) is still in there.

Remember that I based the Wolves on real people. Kha exists in a guy named Jerry. Jaylene is a college friend named Darlene, who is the most dominating/ under-confident person that I've ever met. So these rewrites are an attempt to stay true to her character. For me to eliminate Jaylene's uncertainty, I would have to change Darlene, and that isn't going to happen.

This isn't the final version. You've seen the changes, and I expect at least one more rewrite where I change it just as much, and that will be the point where I add the old material back in, once I see where the old material fits. Be patient. Be honest. The story that you bonded with isn't gone into the ether.

And I'm having fun writing Alda. Her ascendance was a hoot. I really liked her seeing magic so that she could pass Fourth Circle, her nose on the floor and tracing the outline of feet like a dance diagram. Those paragraphs that you outlined (that you enjoyed) won't see the sun if I switch back to the old story from Jaylene's perspective.

Truth.

Would it make plot sense to have some of the warning to go underground to come frm Saundon's camp?  Maybe even have Saundon's people interfere with an attempt on Sulder?  A literal Deus ex Mahina?

Or find a link to the House Kraken disaster?

Hmm... once you're a few books in, you'll get your world established and you'll just churn them out.

Most of what you're experiencing now is uncertainty about the rules of the world. If X has Y property, will it work within the context? Does this concept work? Does this style and character voice work? Once the rules are fixed, and everything is all but immutable, you'll be able to just sit down and write.

Making the attack go against Sulder will require a stronger reason to send Jaylene away.

Was  Jaylene ready for the role of strategos when she was elevated?  I think not.  That could have been, and could still be, a point of contention between Elston and Sulder.  If Sulder dies while Jaylene is away, it could make things harder, especially if Elston has had feelings for Jaylene all along.  It can scramble his judgement of previous choices.  Even if he's not in the center of things, it could be visible and plausible to the reader.

Just spent the whole evening researching/writing one paragraph, only to decide that I'll probably chuck the researched parts in the morning. Either that, or do more thorough research. It's a critical paragraph for v3, so I'll probably keep at it. Interpreting Bible verses is a bitch. Based on the original Greek/Hebrew texts, one interpretation of Jesus's line "I have come to fulfill the Law" is "I have come to teach the Law", yet many websites and forums users claim it means the harsh Old Testament laws no longer apply because of the New Covenant. I may have to lengthen my estimate to 8.5 years for book one. Sheesh.

Oh, and Alda could have a remark-from-nowhere that clues Elston on how to do the destruction.

Are you planning to post your latest revision of NS, Janet?

I'll ping you when Aussie reappears. He's definitely going to have a kickass scene in the book's revised wrap-up chapter.

And you have peace from my pestering you about participles.