Topic: Sea Magic by Xsapien

So, new to the site and posting my manuscript on TNBW with desperation for help. 

This is not my first rodeo so I know when a manuscript is worth editing, and when it should join it's brothers and sisters in the recycling bin. Thousands upon thousands of pages I've written have been turned into toilet paper over the years, but Sea Magic is different.

If (huge if) it can be fixed, this one is publishable. The problem is the beginning. I've made the rookie mistake of cramming too much world building information in chapters 2 thru 4. 

Compounding the problem, a literary agent sees only the first few chapters accompanying the query letter. Sea Magic has to be fixed, if it can be fixed, before it can be submitted.

I'm just getting started here, but already I'm seeing incredible help. I look forward reciprocating by helping others in any way that I can.

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Re: Sea Magic by Xsapien

Now that you've published a couple of chapters, post a note in Premium introducing yourself, describing your story, the problem you're trying to fix, and asking for reviewers. You should get a pretty good response. I'll review them as soon as the sun comes up.

Cool book cover, by the way.

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Re: Sea Magic by Xsapien

I haven't started reading yet, but one thought that springs to mind is to create a list of all chapters and a list of information "items" in chapters 2 through 4 that you want to move elsewhere. Map the items against the chapters (where would/could you move the items without breaking the story). That's your to do list.

I'm oversimplifying, but you get the idea. You may also decide if some items of information can be eliminated entirely. Cut, cut, cut.

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Re: Sea Magic by Xsapien

Welcome to the site, Xsapien.  The most helpful thing for avoiding info. dump is to follow the John Campbell dictum. John Campell was the editor of Astounding/Analog in SF's silver age. He told his contributors to write for an audience at the time your story is taking place. That way, you won't do things like, Buck put his ray gun, the kind that can disintegrate steel, in his side hip holster. He put on his jet pack, which he uses to fly around places, and--will you get the idea. If people can be expected to know something at that time, but it's crucial for the reader, who doesn't to know, you find a way to bring that in. Think of crime stories taking place in major cities that most readers won't have been to. You can mention Fisherman's Warf (known to everyone), and use that to direct people to another street. Everyone knows about DNA, but they don't know how it's done, so you can put that in. Everyone would know about the sea people, especially if they are sea people, but they might not know what a particular clan does. 

Excellent choice to be here; everyone will help you.

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