Topic: "was", -ly adverbs, and had
I was wondering if someone could help me with this. I can only see three ways to write this sentence. Is there another that doesn't use "was", -ly adverbs, or had? It refers to a teen who has been wounded in battle.
He moaned, and his breathing was ragged.
He moaned and breathed raggedly.
He moaned, and his breathing had become ragged.
The following is "okay", but changes the meaning slightly. In the above sentences, his breathing was already ragged when my POV character reaches him, whereas in the following, his breathing becomes ragged when the POV character is already there.
He moaned, and his breathing became ragged.
Are there any others? I'm fine with changing the words to synonyms, as long as the meaning isn't lost.