251 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

One thing I don't understand is that hyperspace is usually referred to as a higher dimension. Shouldn't that be dimensions (plural)? You still need three of them. Four if you count time (hypertime?).

Are there alternatives to hyperspace or does modern math/tech require it? The Wrinkle in Time had a 5th dimensional tesseract. I don't know if that's the same as a wormhole or hyperspace. And CS Lewis in the Chronicles of Narnia used a ring crafted in Atlantis and it took you to a garden that connected to other worlds. At least that's what I remember without looking it up. Star Trek used warp speed.

Did Dune ever explain their drive mechanism?

Is there something else to use? Brainstorm time!!!!

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252 Reply by George FLC

(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

njc: Grammarly is not perfect but is great for catching 'simple' errors and rephrasing sentences. I liked your initial post. I won't argue with you. After Grammarly graces my prose I try to go over the writing tips that reviewers have given me.

How does one put art into a program? There is that certain aspect mentioned called flow. You can tell when a story flows. Will even AI be able to cause prose to flow? Good conversation.

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253 Reply by George FLC

(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

njc wrote:
George FLC wrote:

njc - well said. Perhaps I should go over your grammar in this comment. :-)

Have at it.

The top is what you wrote. The bottom is what Grammarly suggests:

Welcome!
To follow up on George FLC's comment on grammar, and since I'm mostly lurking these days, here's my minimized lecture on grammar:
Grammar is not just a thing right or wrong. Grammar is a tool of the writer. In English's magnificently rich grammar there are usually many ways to present a structure of ideas. In a complex sentence, we choose which idea deserves the high seat of the main clause, and which ideas should support from subordinate clauses. We decide which modifiers deserve the weight of a relative clause, which justify a prepositional phrase, and which can be budgeted an adjective or adverb, according to how much of the reader's attention we want to spend on each. We order our clauses and sentences with care so that the prose flows smoothly through one topic and into the next, with a minimum of jumping back and forth.

Grammarly
Welcome!
To follow up on George FLC's comment on grammar, and since I'm mostly lurking these days, here's my minimized lecture on grammar:
Grammar is more than just a thing, right or wrong. Grammar is a tool of the writer. In English's magnificently rich grammar, there are usually many ways to present a structure of ideas. In a complex sentence, we choose which idea deserves the high seat of the main clause and which ideas should support from subordinate clauses. We decide which modifiers deserve the weight of a relative clause, which justify a prepositional phrase, and which can be budgeted as an adjective or adverb, according to how much of the reader's attention we want to spend on each. We carefully order our clauses and sentences so that the prose flows smoothly through one topic and into the next, with minimal jumping back and forth.

Please, anyone, tell me what you think.

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254 Reply by George FLC

(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

njc - well said. Perhaps I should go over your grammar in this comment. :-)

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255 Reply by George FLC

(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

dagny wrote:

Hello Margo,
I only have one rule to share with you: Write the book, short story, or poem that you would want to read and you should be ok. As for reviews, you do you. That's about it, except don't let anyone here discourage you from writing. They are not professional reviewers, they're just giving you their opinions. And you know what they say about opinions.
Finally, Margo, just have fun.
See ya out there,
dagny

Well said, have fun.

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256 Reply by George FLC

(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Welcome aboard. It's a great site. Some advice:
1. You will need a thick skin to be here. People don't mind telling you what they think about your writing. And that it a great thing. Chances are excellent that you're not the next Updike or Hemmingway. So, get ready to learn and be corrected. It might take you a while to get a good handle on things.
2. Back up your writing. I lost a couple/few years of stuff when this website crashed.
3. I try to stay away from the Regular Reviews. You can be much more surgical by giving In-Line Reviews. AND DON'T TRY TO DO THE ABSOLUTE MINIMUM. The Regular Reviews only require 50 words. The In-Line only require 5-comments. I try to give at least 20 In-Line comments. Some writers are so good that it's difficult for me to hit 20. I have one reviewer who would let me know how many comments he left me. I challenged him to make 100 In-Line comments on one chapter. HE ACCEPTED AND DID IT!
4. If I don't like your writing (too much sex and/or violence or whatever), then I will tell you and stop reading it. I've had interesting discussions with people concerning what they've written.
5. Leave a Public Profile. That can help me decide if I want to read your stuff.
6. Form a circle or group of people who you can help, and they can reciprocate. Join the more formal groups (e.g. medieval, fantasy/ magic) and then jump in with the postings. These can be very good.
7. Use book cover pics.
8. You will learn stuff that's beyond grammar. Be open to it. I've recently started cutting back chapters to about 1500 words because one author that I've read does it that way and I like it.
9. Join the contests. They're great for stretching your abilities.

Keep on writing!
George FLC

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257 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

I narrowed it down to:
The Egg Poacher
The Sweltering
The Simmering
The Bitch-In-Heat

Any other forms of cooking I missed in the previous post?

The best one is The Sweltering. To swelter is common, which is good. Perhaps modifying that somewhat:

The Swelter Smack
The Swelter Belter
The Swelter Smelter

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258 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

First things first. I assume you mean 5-10 degrees Centigrade. But is it Fahrenheit?
How about hot as Fahrenheit Hell? Fahrenhell.

Fahrenhot? Hotheit?

Or Hellheit? It's Hellheit out there!

And to complete the thought - Centihell... too close to Sent-to-hell?
Or Helligrade.

The word hellacious is close to what you want and is an actual word.

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259 Reply by George FLC

(5 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Thanks Dirk,
Very good comments. I like it. I might put it as:

"God said, "Well, if it isn't Satan, the prince of darkness."
Very minor change.

It's great that you have three different names in a couple lines.

And yes, I'm keeping track. So far, it's Satan 1, Lucifer 1. I friend outside this site suggested Lucifer.

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260 Reply by George FLC

(1,478 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Hmm. Good point on the literal vs. figurative language. I'm not a pro at end times stuff.

And good point on the Muslim concerns if you don't want to lose readers.

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261 Reply by George FLC

(1,478 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

How about this? A missile comes in and the Israeli Iron Dome system hits it. The wounded missile veers off course and crashes into the Dome of the Rock and annihilates it. This paves the way for Israel to rebuild their temple on the original site. The AC then will go into the temple as predicted by 2 Thess. 2:4. This interpretation, of course, is arguable but it sounds cool.

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262 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

...New Bethlehem’s founding in 2987 CE by members of the Libertarian Church, established on the Bezos Islands, formerly known as Hawaii, in Earth’s Pacific Ocean in 2312

online
I like that. Would it be possible to say that Bezos bought Hawaii in 2255 or something like that? Just a thought.

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263 Reply by George FLC

(1,478 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Is it possible that the events in the Holy Land will impact your tours, activities, and spiritual battles (think zombie nuns)? You'll probably have to wait till the war settles down... however long that takes.

It might be interesting to add an incoming missile to the story.

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264 Reply by George FLC

(5 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

Do you foresee needing any other gods from outside the Cheyenne culture and demons/angels from the Bible? Is there no way to write the scene without pulling in gods from other mythologies? One of the reasons I commented the way I did near the end of the previous draft, is that it seemed like you were throwing everything into the story but the kitchen sink, which left virtually no time to flesh them out. Do you need to introduce a god specifically for wine? Does that god do/contribute anything else to the story? Will that god be a main character like Romano, a supporting character like Nnamani, or just someone who hangs around the saloon for a scene or two then disappears? Does he contribute significantly to the plot? At one point in Connor, I introduced a suspected infiltrator (a bishop) in one scene only to have him thrown out of the Vatican a few paragraphs later. Needless to say, I need to find a way to fix that. It adds virtually nothing to introduce and then immedialy toss a character, especially one who is supposedly evil.

Just some random musings without having even read the new chapter. smile

Who is the target audience by the way?

I should have some time to review your latest chapter sometime this month. I have to be careful how often I say that, though, as I'm under the gun to finish my estate documents, which has turned into a real bear.

Hey Dirk,
My audience will probably be heavily Catholic and Protestant. I agree, the spirit/demon probably has to be more significant than just a saloon spook. I think I will have enough Indians and townsfolk to keep a fairly high character name count. Demon names might overly complicate things. However, I will have to mix things a little between tribal and biblical spirits. We shall see.

I was thinking about pulling in the Lakota as well BUT I can accomplish what I want with keeping it all a single tribe.

Good comments. Thanks.

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265 Topic by George FLC

(5 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Hey everyone. I've started a radical rewrite of the Tribe, the Town, and the Spirits. Yes, I've changed the title.
1. I want to limit the chapter word count to about 1500 words. This makes for easier reading on the train or in bed before sleeping.
2. I will try to keep the character names per word count to about 2 names/600 words.
3. I want to simplify some items, such as where the demons come from. This one is still tough because I like that a Greek god like Bacchus was a wine god. It's a great god to have relatives to manage saloons. However, I discovered that the Maya had a god of alcoholic beverages (Aken). So, I almost have to mix deities outside of the Cheyenne culture to make some things work.
4. Some name changes are needed.
5. A stern eye must be kept on who might be reading this. Audience is significant.

My first need for help is whether or not God would refer to Satan as Satan or as Lucifer. I start Chapter 1 with Satan and God talking. I assume that almost everyone knows who Lucifer is. And it does sound more sophisticated to me than Satan. I'm really tempted to switch over to Lucifer for Chapter 1. BUT does that mean I should keep it as Lucifer the entire book? Or only when God talks to him.

Thanks for any help.
George FLC

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266 Reply by George FLC

(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Sorry to hear about the med issues. Take your time. I might owe you a reciprocation, so it'll give me time to work on that.

Despite all this - Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

George FLC

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267 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

New naming contest:

I need a name for an island in the Pacific Ocean on which the Libertarian Church is founded in the 24th century, which was originally a tax dodge for the obscenely wealthy (followers of the Greedy Gospel). So far, I've considered Billionaire's Island, Koru Island (named after Jeff Bezos's yacht), and Lord High Admiral Bezos's Island, among others. So far I like the latter best.

Wow. Not Mar-a-Lago in the Caribbean? Just make sure you have a lake on it. Of course, there are probably copyright issues. But I'm conservative so maybe you shouldn't use it.

Hunter's Island? Sounds pretty good but Hunter Biden isn't that rich.

Something along the lines of LABI (Lord Admiral Bezo's Island)?

But go really big - something with Elon Musk as a patron saint. Tesla Atol or something. Tesland? Hmm...

I'd prefer Koru over your last one.

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268 Reply by George FLC

(3 replies, posted in Historical Fiction)

Historical Fiction? It would appear so. Please update your profile. It helps to figure out who we can connect with.

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269 Reply by George FLC

(4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Thanks Sol.

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270 Topic by George FLC

(4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

There's an escort service trying to join the site. Is this a good posting to warn everyone, mostly Sol?

George FLC

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271 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

What if there's no space station there either? smile

I just realized the Free Colonies has the same need to explain "What are they free of?" as the Free Stars, but I don't care. The Free Colonies it is, and the adjective will be Colonial: Colonial fleet, Colonial troops, etc., which is a cool word imo.

Dirk

If there is an Imperial Fleet or planet then the reader should be able to say - the Colonial Fleet must be the antithesis of anything Imperial. Also, I thought you would use Freedom troops, Freedom fleet, but Colonial is pretty cool, too.

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272 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Dirk B. wrote:

I've tentatively whittled it down to:

The Confederacy - my only concern with this is that readers may be wondering how/if this relates to the US Civil War, which it doesn't
The Eternal Fellowship (of Stars?) - the mantra becomes "For the Fellowship!" - I still like this
The Free Stars - "Freedom!" - this probably requires a bit of explaining early on that it's freedom from the Imperium. It would have been founded shortly after colonization of the stars began, as people left/fled Earth.
The Free Colonies - "Freedom!" - like this a lot; requires no explaining
The Eternal Worlds - "For Eternity!"

My vote is for Free Colonies. This is more generic than Free Stars. What if you're in the middle of an asteroid belt or dust cluster sans star or planets? A space station is all there is and it mines the local region. The designation of colony covers them all.

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273 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Kdot wrote:

Picture my last comment like this:

Elon Musk invents a rocket that can reach the nearest habitable planet. We happily scoot over there and meet a race of talking frogs.  How do we introduce ourselves? Earth isn't a republic or much of anything.

Fast forward 100 years and Earth founds a central government and acquires a prefix. Would the Frogees bother changing all their records? Or would they just keep calling us Earthlings?

It would depend on if Earth conquered them and demanded a change in name. Or to be polite, on all legal documents they use the new name but, in the bars, and taverns they still use the old name.

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274 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

My favorite is The Free Stars.
There's something awe inspiring about Freedom Troops coming to save me.
And - The Freedom Fleet is almost here! The Imperial Fleet better run now!

Or let's combine a couple...
United Confederacy (UCON). Or United Confederate Stars (UCS). Or perhaps - United Confederacy of Stars (UCOS).
Call them feds for short. I hear the feds are comin'. We better fly outa here.

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275 Reply by George FLC

(309 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Thanks, Dirk, I appreciate it.

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