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Sorry for the delay, HK. At home, the needs of the many outweigh the need to write/review for Jube.

I don't ever laugh at any of the classics or any published work. After embarking on this journey as a newbie writer, it's clear good, vigorous writing is a honed skill that isn't apparent to an inexperienced eye. I've got a 4' wide x 5' long whiteboard (had it for years and never used it much until now) that I write out paragraphs of selected works to help learn techniques etc. There is something about writing it out versus reading it that has a significant difference for me. So I would have no issues with breaking down classic children stories like Red Riding Hood to understand its construction. If anyone who's heard me sing the praises of Robert Jordan before was certain that's one for sure I'm studying - too easy a guess

Talmas - Did I have some character in mind that contributed to his jellyfish back-boned design? Yes, it's not exactly similar, but he was vaguely modeled after Raistlin from Dragonlance - without the evil intentions. Both start out quite weak. One physically and the other ready to challenge the Cowardly Lion from Oz. Both have all the lights on but aren't the only one home. In Raistlin's case, he agreed to sharing his soul, but Talmas did not. There is a single line of thought in this latest chapter that shows what is to come regarding this. At the risk of fawning over my disliked creation - I like to think of Talmas as a big wheel for older children that just had a warp engine dropped in under the pedals. It sure still looks like a kid's toy but it's not anymore. He's also in for a lengthy struggle, pitting his moral soap box against something that could care less about doing the right thing. My hope is the other characters can carry the reader's interest long enough for a decent hand off to Talmas for a more prominent role as the true MC. Thus, why Maribel was designed to be so strong from the beginning and Olstas to be ... well, Olstas. "Hey, Olstas! Stop that. You can't sell my car unless I actually sign it over to you!" For Star Wars references maybe he's a bit too close to resembling an oversized Jawa minus the hoodie. I just got a very good offsite review from a reviewer that is up to chapter 3 and here's the familiar comment about Talmas -

"Talmas I'm starting to find, is becoming a little hard to like. Well maybe not that I don't like him but he's weak and doesn't stand up for himself. It seems that people are always coming to his rescue. I think he needs to have a least a little bit of backbone even if he's weaker than some people. It shows moral fiber."

Well, I want to continue my experimental path with Talmas for a while longer. It may be the majority vote in the end is to restructure him in the earlier chapters with a backbone. I can always go back to do that. Right about now, a laughing Tern is pointing at Talmas as to who is disliked more.

Plot - This is worrying me more than a bit. Inexperience is the reason why I can't know in advance the pacing speed to stay on track like say - Robert Jordan (Nooo! Not again. Jube's still trying to canonize Robert Jordan for sainthood?). I've had the plot written out before writing chapter 1 and I'm content with it's structure. The pacing is not matching up to my expectations. Tern is not the main adversary that must be overcome in this WIP. Hydrowalg is - he intends to gather what he needs and finish the War of the Mur once and for all. Hydrowalg didn't forget about the figurine either. The hunted may yet become the hunter later. Silver is a big picture person and in the next chapter or after - she's going to make it clear they need to chase him down. Maribel is now a Talmas picture person so she doesn't care for that idea at all. A lot of moving parts and it would've been much easier to write a plot with less moving parts - I thought this version was more interesting though. The balancing act is very tough on me. If I take too long to get to critical turning points the reader will get bored or confused. Too soon and I get what Nicholas Andrews mentioned - too much, too soon.

The cast of characters - More characters at different points are expected to join the Talmas parade. You didn't think Princess Yelna was going to just let Olstas ride off into the sunset? Stalker? Such an ugly word. Let's go with a case of severe infatuation.

Politics - Someone sitting on their throne is nursing a grudge. I wouldn't want to be a shop owner in the city of Leira. An approaching elven army can cause a drop in business. That in turn won't sit well with the Council of Kings who are the Alliance. Maybe Hydrowalg won't need to start a world war - he can just sit back and watch this one.

With all the moving parts - I foresee a lot of revisions now and in the future. I'll also have to look at what to push off into the next WIP sequel and what to keep in this one. No, I won't be laughing at children fables but I'll bet plenty are laughing at me. "Look at him trying to juggle all those colored balls! Ooh, he dropped some!"

From the FAQ section found by clicking on the ? mark -

1. How can I get more readers and reviews?

2. If you are not getting as many reads and reviews as you may like, there are several things you can do.

3. Find other writers you like and provide them with thoughtful, helpful reviews. This is the best way to begin building a reputation and getting    others to review you.

4. Find a group with an active forum and introduce yourself. Join some of the conversations and get to know other members of the group.

5. Upgrade to a Premium Membership to begin using the points system. The points system provides an incentive for other members to read and review your writing.

Be helpful, courteous, and give it time. If you become an active, helpful member of your group, you will attract many reviews over time.

Well, that was (not) fun. We reached a point in the comma class where the answer was made clearer. Whenever the definite article "The" leads off in relation to a following *general / non-specific* noun/pronoun - then it opens the door to a following modifying phrase to be *essential*. That is what happened in the example that gave me problems. "The dog" is always considered generic and undefined in relation to a group. So in that uncle example if it changes to - My favorite uncle who is eighty-years old walks three miles every day. Then the "who is eighty-years old" becomes essential since "favorite" has removed any doubt of which uncle it could be resulting in no commas. But if you use a known particular proper noun then the modifying phrase that follows will fall as non-essential forcing the commas.

We've covered the first 7 rules, and the instructor says there are 23 more before the end. Our responses posted on a forum are also fair game for comma critique. Wonderful.

Well, Kasparov had sour grapes and accused IBM of cheating in the match. In time they will be able to program an AI that can do the same. It will have clauses, dialogue examples, and so on at it's disposal to construct a story. As I mentioned, time is on the side of the AI. I would also like to think a person will prefer the hand made sweater over a machined piece by a robot, and a human authored book over an AI one. But when the day comes that you can no longer distinguish between the quality, it will go the way of the ATM and banking. Initially, customers rebelled against the ATMs, then over time with some unnecessary shoving from the banks, it speaks for itself now for how widely implemented it is.

I'd like to think as that time approaches, the big 5 publishing houses and others will exert protectionism and not allow such novels to be published thereby preserving humans for humans.

Or we can band together and conduct our own Fahrenheit 451. Instead of burning books we perform public deletions of such programs. Maybe we can get some of the big fish to lead it. Orson Scott Card can delete the first one, to the maddening cheers of authors everywhere, as the programmers slink back to Silicon Valley.

Sol,
Do you know or have you heard of a "in a nutshell this is what he is doing" explanation as to what makes Game Of Thrones go over so well with its readers? I read the books when they first came out before the TV shows began, and it would help me, in terms of writing concepts, to know if there is something in particular that George R.R. Martin does in his writing to win over his readers. What I took away from the series was: He has no problems, like a Japanese manga, in killing off even major characters to inject a sort of realism (I think everyone picked up on that). He uses violence and negative emotions within his characters in abundance throughout the novels. Anything else you know of that makes his writing somewhat unique? I figure once I have a good handle on what makes 4-5 of the top authors in my genre tick that will help a lot with which way I should be pointing my pen and what direction to avoid. I"m guessing from MICE he's more of a character driven writer with some Milieu since he does have a world build going that is more than pasted together on the fly.

Karin, I was thinking (scary, I know) about your current project to go through and start chapter revisions before continuing with new chapters. If I understand correctly the current method you're following is to do reposts so as to provide points for the reviews of the revisions. I'm now standing in the camp of "We are against that" waving my banner alongside others. It's going to take away too much of your writing time to go and build up points for the reposts. We can get our points from others we review anyways, so IMO just put out the revision under the editing function then declare for some help reviewing it here on the forum. I think you'll save a boat load of time that way and can move much faster, right? You can always just offer to do the same in kind for any consistent reviewer that will come back to your revision. Since we already have the original version to compare to the revised one "locked in" from our original review it's easy to spot the revisions and comment. It's what you originally were doing minus the promise of returning the favor. Returning the favor is as good as the points, actually better, since you're a well versed reviewer that doesn't miss much. I also think the need for this type of help is great enough where a separate, persistent thread on this forum should be created. Review help with revision needed - type of category. In short, go with Quid Pro Quo over available points and everyone will be happier IMO.

Well, my favorite author whose style I prefer to study is Robert Jordan author of the Wheel Of Time series. He is known for shifting the POV between characters in the same scene. He wrote the series in 3rd person omni, and I never had a problem with the POV shifting in terms of finding it jarring or such.

For reference, I didn't have to look far as I went back through chapter 1 of book 1 (Eye of the World), and within the first chapter we see the POV begin with Rand and shift to his father. They are in the same scene when this happens walking side by side.

I'd like to think the rule is a guard rail guideline. It keeps the writer from spilling over onto the freeway of confusing the reader if they are careless.

In the end, it's a gray area for me, and I would depend on reviewers to opine if they were confused or not when it changes in the same scene.

I would like to have included a discussion on - pacing. This site has a number of published and self-published authors. I've been fortunate enough to have a few of those in my reciprocal review circle, and one has pointed out I have too much pace overall within my first seven chapters. I feel he is onto something but I'd like a more specific format/suggestions on pacing the events and such. I have to balance against that the fact, we know if you don't have anything to "hook" the reader by the 3rd chapter or so, chances are very high they are done with the remainder of your story.

Hello,
I joined TNBW last August and it has been well worth it for the exposure and reciprocal review system I've been involved in.

1. My preference is Fantasy, and while most writers in that genre are quick to cite Tolkien as their inspiration, I actually haven't read anything beyond The Hobbit. I'll probably commit a sin of blasphemy here, but I find that Tolkien is too simplistic in his plot. He surely is a master world builder and even created languages, diagrams, you name it, bofore setting pen to paper. But when I compare someone's work like Stephen Donaldson, author of Lord Foul's Bane, the complexity of the plot isn't even in the same room so to speak.
2. I started writing for the first time a month before I joined TNBW. My novel in progress is posted on this site, and "I think" unless I mention that I'm a newbie, most who read my chapters are under the belief I've been writing a while. Of course, this could simply be a sign of delusions of grandeur on my part.
3. My favorite author is the late Robert Jordan, best known for his Wheel Of Time series. I felt a bit naive to find out recently that's not his real name. I should have known better after seeing the same name in Hemmingway's book as a character. I found his writing style incredible and even the jokes his character's will say are always related to their background.
4. A quirky fact about me, is those who review me still can't find anyone worse at comma usage.