Struggling

Hi Samuel,
Getting the first chapter can be the hardest. My suggestion would be (remember this is only a suggestion and not direction) to start the scene with some kind of real action (yes, your other first chapter was real action too, but it didn't leave a live character for the reader to root for). If your story is about the daughters, start and end with them. Take time to sit and daydream a little about the story. Example: While the father is preparing the city for seizure or battle, what are the girls doing? He stated they were buying time for the families to escape. Are they running around playing? I would think not. I would think they are panicking, packing, commiserating the loss of their future. Envision the terror of running through the tunnels with other women and children, but because you are a warrior's grown daughter you have to be in the back to protect the younger, old, and weak. You are looking over your shoulder, anticipating a horrible rat man to appear any moment. The ground shakes from cannon fire and dirt rains down. Are you afraid of being buried alive? What did they take with them other than the clothes on their back? Did they put on multiple layers of clothes because they needed to keep their hands free for weapons that their father taught them to use? Are the sisters holding hands? Their whole worlds been torn away from them the moment they have to flee. Does an old woman crumple with heart failure and they cry over having to leave her behind? Is a child trampled?

Anyway, this is just food for thought and intended to encourage.
Philisha

Philisha has some great advice.

I'd only add this: Chapter one is hands down the hardest chapter to write. Oftentimes I have to be well into the novel - even finished with writing the first draft - before I really understand what needs to be set up in chapter one. So if, after trying out Philisha's suggestions, you and your reviewers are still not happy with the final product, I suggest you move on. Write 5, 10, 20 more chapters. Finish the novel, even. And then come back to rewrite chapter one. This will give you fresh eyes on what you need to do with those first few pages, and how best to do it.

I've rewritten the first chapter of Acts at least ten times. 

The first time someone told me that I would probably have so many attempts, I was SO discouraged.  I think my thoughts included, "Are you f***ing kidding me?"  Since then, I've rewritten Acts twice and I know that I'm still not done.  Each time I rewrite, the product gets cleaner, the story gets tighter, and I sprinkle clues from the other books into this one.  In the meantime, I thinned my chapters to 3-4 thousand words, eliminated a lot of beginner mistakes, worked on my order issues, etc. 

When I go back and read the first draft, I realize that it had a great story hidden within a lot of crap.  Version 2 and Version 3 were all about learning how to write.  I have a few more tools than I did before. 

That said, I agree with Karin.  Get your first draft down on paper before going back and rewriting Chapters 1-11.  I've seen a lot of people stall as they rewrite over and over.  Review people who you admire. Read what people said about their work. Use that as a springboard off theirr learning curve.

Hope this helps.

A

I'm in the same boat at the moment, so don't feel alone!  All I have to offer is, don't give up - with every rewrite you're getting closer to "the one", and when you get there, you'll look back and say it was worth it.  There is a group here on TNBW (who I think should start a new group "The First Chapter Whips" to only accept first chapters and review those - I wouldn't name them, because I might leave someone out, but a good lot of them hang out around here) that's simply brilliant with their suggestions to get first chapters in shape.  Without their inputs, mine would be nowhere near where it is today compared to a few months ago.  And by all means, with every rewrite they find something new to fault (even though you might've been thinking, no way!) - just keep walking; you're one version closer to "the one" where these guys turn around and say:  "All good."  And that's when you know it is "the one".

Also, as with everything, review first chapters.  That way, you can share what you have learned, and keep on learning in the process as well.

Good luck and all the best!

*opens sprinklers to rinse away a little bit more mud*  I hope! 

The First Chapter Whips doesn't exist yet, but I think they should get their act together, combine forces and make TNBW member's first chapters invincible.  It's about time.  *cough-cough*

In any case, I'm really behind with my recip reviews at the moment, quiet times do happen every now and again, so I've dotted your name down to read what you're up to when I can.  Not sure if anyone has told you how this site "works", but best is to guilt other writers into reviewing your work by reviewing their work first ...