Northern Skies - Janet! (Page 5 of 21)

There he is!

Breath JR! It's all good.

Lol!

*panics*  You're saying this as if it's a bad thing?!  Because now I have to change my ending, like completely!  It would've been beautiful.  Catherine and Matthew were sorting out all their little issues and misunderstandings next to her mare that was fouling the whole time (like for hours and hours) only to have the stables caught fire just when they kissed.  The whole roof and all the walls collapsed and they were engulfed in flames without them noticing.  And just before it was too late, Matthew would sweep Catherine into his arms and take her to safety before he returns to drag the mare and foul with the other horses to safety as well.  He did it, with only a moment to spare before it would all be lost.

Oh well, only need a few minor touches here and there and it would be good to go again ... *stops panicking*

If I don't know who Heinlein is, how big is the gap in my education?  And will you still talk to me?

@K

*chewing my candy cane while not going anywhere*  <----- negation was done on purpose here, which means I'll try to be more attentative with my writing on this one

Thanks heaps, that's some brilliance right there!  [Just ignore amy and bimmy's replies for me saying you're brilliant, we know what we know!  ]

Only sticky point is the names - I could get rid of pele and bring it in later when they approach Dacre Tower.  South Tyne I'll have to think about, because it places them, Aiden Tower and Dacre Tower right on the big bold red "you are here in England" X.  Matthew Dacre, Earl of Norwood is one name (really, it is - this is what I usually read *before joining TNBW anyways* and had gotten used to going back to the first five pages until the title-name combinations were familiar to me, so I should be ok especially since I'm only introducing one lord in the first chapter) ...  Davie could also become a nobody as much as I like the lad.  Aiden Tower I can probably also work out somehow ie "my brother's tower".

So that leaves, Tyne (which doesn't count IMO) - Matthew - Robert - George - Henry - Catherine for the whole chapter.  Probably as good as it will get.  I don't mind if Robert, George, Henry (and later Tom) blend into one person.  Should I though?  I hope not.

If Ben was going to see Catherine expecting trouble, and was taking some of his brawny buds with as back-up, you'd be introducing Ben - Catherine - buddy 1 - buddy 2 - Einhardt or Annette (to cause the trouble) - and I don't know where we are, but is ok with it for now, so I'll give you that one.  Buddy 1 and buddy 2 will blend together, but they're disposable, so it shouldn't matter. 

So, what I'm trying to say is, that is really my problem -  Catherine and Matthew do not meet in a way or environment or genre to be able to get rid of naming characters, titles or the place.  But who knows, maybe I'll wake up between 2-3am tomorrow morning with a brilliant idea of my own!    But by getting rid of pele and Aiden (like in the tower), it's already an improvement?!  *crossing little toes anxiously*

And as always, I really appreciate this!  And yeah, it's helping.  Lots.
Thanks!

Still too many names, and K isn't the only one (why am I not surprised).  A new reviewer made a good suggestion - use a prologue.  As much as I hate prologues, they have a time and a place.  And I think it would solve a few of my problems I still have with the first chapter - names as well as the tension/stakes.  So I'm seriously thinking to have a prologue where the villian plans the so-called raid to kill Matthew.  This way, Matthew is already introduced properly by the time we hit a few more names and no one is uncertain of the where and the why.  And every reader will go WTF when Catherine rocks up from nowhere with an arrow in her arm.

Do you guys think by going down the prologue route, I'm opting for the easy way out?!  Or do you also think it will work?

Thanks!!!!
xxx

Do you need to tell us any more than you are telling now?  If not, you probably don't need a prologue.  In the review I mentioned a couple of little things you might add.  A prologue would be conspicuous consumption excess for them.

What you call a prologue, I call a new first chapter. Tomato, Tamata. If you feel it would flow better then put the plotting and murder attempt at the beginning

Where'd my post go!?

Frick

I said just call it chapter one! Lol! And i said....if you're doing a prologue it shoyld be in the past where Matthew locks up catherine.

There.

Black john can be called that because he got burned in the fire.

Maybe he got frostbite on his nose....

...and he would. Mwahahaha

K, Black John is used to women trying every trick in the book to get his attention, if not for that, he would've accepted your offer gladly and he would have pulled the lever himself! 

Would you like me to quit reading the first draft?