Topic: Too many exclamation marks?

I've read more than once not to overuse exclamation marks. Below is a tense scene that uses eleven, which I normally wouldn't do. Is it too many? Where would you cut some? Connor is just a teenager, which adds to the tension.

A Swiss Guard approached the group. “I have a message for Connor.”
“I’m Connor.”
The guard’s irises turned fiery red, and he rammed a dagger into Connor’s gut. The guard withdrew the blade and prepared to strike again.
Romano and De Rosa jumped the guard as Campagna drew her weapon.
Connor cried out and fell. He covered his wound with his hands, but blood flowed around them.
The guard howled and threw off both men like rag dolls.
Her shot clear, Campagna opened fire. The guard fought to reach her, but she kept firing, slowing his approach. As she emptied her magazine, he collapsed and a ghostly apparition rose from his body. It roared at Connor, then fled. The demon body dissolved.
De Rosa shed his jacket and tore off his shirt. He used it to apply pressure to Connor’s wound.
Other Swiss Guards came running, guns drawn.
Campagna ejected her empty magazine and replaced it with another. She held her pistol ready. “Stay back!”
“Put your gun down! Now!” one of the guards commanded her.
“Stand down!” De Rosa cried. “She’s Polizia di Stato.”
Campagna and the guards lowered their weapons together. One of them radioed for an ambulance.
The cardinals exited the conference room warily.
Romano and Campagna knelt beside Connor.
“He’s bleeding out!” De Rosa said. “Connor, can you stem the flow?”
He crossed himself and began to pray. After a short time, he said, “It’s not working!”
Romano glanced at the dagger, its handle inscribed with the Latin word “Antichristus.” He turned to Father Luca. “That’s a demonic blade. Your holy water. Quickly!”
Luca poured it on the wound.
The water began to glow on Connor’s skin and the bleeding slowed.
De Rosa said, “It’s working.” He reapplied pressure.
Connor paled and his lips turned blue. His eyes rolled up in his head.
“Stay with us, Connor!” Campagna cried.
His eyes closed and his hands fell to his sides. His wound ceased to bleed.
Campagna felt for a pulse. “Damn!” She began chest compressions.
“His halo is fading,” Song said. He turned to his fellow cardinals. “Pray!”
“Connor!” De Rosa roared.

Thanks
Dirk

Quote Post 1

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

How about something like a lead-in stating "a frantic exchange of shouted conversation took place during the rough and tumble session." Suitably worded, would that work?

Bill

Quote Post 2

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

I'm not sure how. The stabbing, the shooting, the confrontation with the other guards,  the demonic dagger & holy water, Connor's failed prayer, etc. are all natural elements of the scene based on what occurred earlier in the story. This is the end of act 1 and intentionally very tense, so this is a place for show over tell.

Quote Post 3

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

Hmm, true that. When I re-read the clip, I didn't stop to count the exclamation marks as the dialogue was fascinating enough. I think you might let it stay as is--good and dramatic. Leave them in.

Bill

Quote Post 4

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

As a healthy recipient of the too many exclamation marks, I wish to note that my characters tend to run into/out-of burning buildings, explosions, and crashing vehicles more than most.Certainly your current story factors in, and definitely Galaxy Tales.

There's only so sedately you can yell Fire! or Watch out for that car!

Quote Post 5

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

You can cut them all with no ill effect. Let the words and accompanying situation show the exclamation. Much more effective than punctuation. Take care. Vern

Quote Post 6

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

If you're indicating shouts, especially shouted imperatives, from a mob or during a confrontation, I have no problem with the exclamation points. The limit is how long the shouters will amd can continue to blast their voices.

If it's a single voice driven to unnatural volume while declaiming a manifesto, then the fact of the volume can be carried in narrative.  But here it's demand, response, demand, response.

Quote Post 7

Re: Too many exclamation marks?

Thank you, all. Very helpful.

Quote Post 8