801 (edited by Dirk B. 2020-05-29 00:49:49)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Question. I'm getting ready to write the second murder, but there isn't much left to write about the dark figure that I didn't already include in my recently expanded chapter two. I knew that while I was rewriting it. My thought was that the remaining three murders would go something like this:

Introduction to the cardinal/victim in a quiet setting. In the case of the second victim, he's at home in his pj's watching soccer. He feels a chill and goes to check the window (it's closed) and the heat (it's on). He smells an acrid odor and sees fog coming down the hall. He investigates and finds the dark figure sitting on a chair just inside the apartment.

The dark figure says, "Good evening, Your Eminence."
The cardinal asks, "Who are you?"
The dark figure smiles playfully and says, "Martin Luther."

End of scene.

The brief dialogue is identical to that in chapter two, except he has a different answer each time he's asked who he is (in chapter two, he said, "Mother Teresa.").

Basically, the rest is left up to the imagination and, if important, will be unearthed (pardon the pun) by the detectives. It avoids repeating the whole spiel about him being the Antichrist, torturing the victim into committing suicide, etc. The second victim will hang himself. He won't be found buried.

Thoughts?
Dirk

802

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

instead of Martin Luther, perhaps "Batman". Less political

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

It only just occurred me tonight that I forgot to plan the role each cardinal fulfills in the Roman Curia. Duh. There's supposed to be a reason they're being targeted, not just random acts of evil. More Vatican research. Kill me now.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I put up a piece of Dune fan fiction under short stories for those interested. I needed the break from my own universe.

805

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Reminds me that it's been so long since I last read it cover-to-cover that I don't remember why the Emperor even brought Irulan with him (allowing her to get claimed as spoil)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

It's covered in the book. This was supposed to be a simple battle against an upstart duke. The Emperor was used to being surrounded by sycophants and staff, including hairdressers, dog handlers, etc. It was meant to be a sporting event. If that doesn't sway you, well then she was there because Herbert needed her for story purposes. :-)

Your should throw in a few comments and collect the points.

807

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

re because Herbert needed her for story purposes

Herbert would probably agree with you, but I' debate this point if I could. I'd suggest he feed her to the sandworms. For funner that way

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Having taken a much-needed break from Saving Connor for the Dune story, I realize the problem is I'm bored with the detective half of my story. There are three more cardinals to kill, and other than manner of death, it'll be more of the same dreary detective work. Clues, false leads, interrogations, etc. There's nothing to keep it fresh. I was planning to form a special tactical unit in act 2 led by the inspectors to focus specifically on hunting for the Antichrist, which would include chase scenes, explosions, gun battles, etc. I'm trying to decide if I can pull the tactical unit right up to the beginning of the story and have the inspectors and the Church already in the process of hunting for the Antichrist based on a rapidly increasing number of deaths among the clergy over a period of years. That would break a *lot* of stuff, though.

809 (edited by Dirk B. 2020-06-05 04:43:23)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Further to the above, I may be able to pull the tactical team forward and have the team not only hunt the Antichrist, but also cover up the murders to keep from alarming the public. I could use the pandemic as cover for why they all die. I'll need some way to suppress evidence. Clergy who witness the killings can be sworn to silence by the Church. I'm also thinking of posing each victim crucifix-like up on the wall over the high altar. Not sure about that part. This has the advantage of eliminating complex cases like Vitale's murder, which are dragging down the pace. The major downside is the repetitiveness of the killings, but that's something serial killers do. This ought to quicken the pace.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Well, shit. I went back and reread much of this thread for past ideas on how I had considered handling the cardinal killings/suicides to see if I can improve the detective half of this story. Not nearly enough tension at present to keep me interested. Turns out I already pretty much considered half a dozen ways of doing things, which resulted in numerous versions of scene 1.2 (first cardinal meets the Antichrist). The current approach evolved from the other five I punted. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

One new option is to pose all of the dead cardinals crucifixion-style, hanging from high on a wall. Cardinal Vitale would be nailed above the high altar. Maybe they even died from being crucified? Lets face it, these cardinals are not in great health to begin with. Death by crucifixion is probably the only violent form of death that Catholic readers might tolerate. It begs the question, though, how the Antichrist got the cardinals up high on a wall by himself. He's very powerful, but nailing someone against a high wall probably requires more than one killer, and I don't want to introduce more demons if I can avoid it. The focus should be on the AC.

I also still have the option of having them die of sheer terror. That was an option I considered at one point. Not sure how to build on that, though.

Manner of death only buys me maybe 5% more tension. It's the slow pace of the investigation that's killing me. Problem is, if the killings pile up quickly, then all of Rome will know about it and a huge police task force would be set up to investigate the deaths. I don't have enough info on Italian police procedures to do the task force, unless I use the idea of a special dedicated tactical team from the outset (i.e., made up any way I like). Kind of like Men in Black, minus the humor.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Interesting. The AC could levitate the cardinals up to the right height and ram giant nails into them supernaturally. So far so good. That's actually something that happens to Connor near the climax of his tour of the Holy Land.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Perhaps also make Campagna an alcoholic. After all, it was her getting totally wasted that made it possible for someone to rape her. The rape and kidnapped child would make her turn even more to the bottle.

813 (edited by Dirk B. 2020-06-07 00:50:19)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Ooh. The Antichrist might also be able to use supernatural powers to create crosses on which to crucify the clergymen. The wood would be traced to the area around the Old City in Jerusalem. Teleporting wood would be over the top, but it could have been imported into Rome from Israel and left somewhere for the AC to use.

814

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Q: Do you /have/ to kill 3 cardinals?

I mean, could it be one cardinal, then a high-speed chase complete with Fast-and-Furious vehicular stunts, then a 2nd cardinal? Why specifically cardinals?

I mean, if it  were say 1 bishop, 5 lay-betheren, 1 poor altar boy and a cheerleader, maybe all of Rome doesn't have to know because there's a holy day coming up and the church is fighting media speculation that the Vatican is unsafe. By choosing so high up the ladder, have you built yourself a bed of nail to sleep on?

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I narrowed it to four cardinals as part of the last draft. It doesn't have to be cardinals and once included other clergy in key positions as well. That was my original plan. A few of each. One advantage of cardinals is that they're old and may simply have died of old age (or coronavirus). Naturally, if the press gets a picture of cardinals (or other clergy) crucified on a church wall, the cat would be out of the bag. It needs to be clergy in positions of power since the Antichrist is trying to capture the Church from within.

If I keep the body count low, it should help avoid too much public scrutiny. There need to be murders before Connor leaves for the Holy Land and after, so that Connor can be fully ruled out as a suspect. Four total seemed like a reasonable number. He may be ruled out anyway since he's only 175 cm tall while the killer is 185 cm.

Current problems, of which there are many, is that Connor continues to be attacked in the Holy Land, which could theoretically be the work of the False Prophet (or even Satan), as opposed to some mystery about how the Antichrist is able to kill in Rome and the Holy Land at virtually the same time.

816

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

...need to be murders before Connor leaves ... so that Connor can be fully ruled out as a suspect.
>As stated elsewhere, Connor can be in two places at once (via miracles he's capable of)

Four total seemed like a reasonable number.
>Honestly, one is enough

>He may be ruled out anyway since he's only 175 cm tall while the killer is 185 cm.
>Same problem. What's to keep him from growing 10cm when he's in a bloodlust?

some mystery about how the Antichrist is able to kill in Rome and the Holy Land at virtually the same time
>some mystery about how [Connor] is able to kill in Rome and the Holy Land at virtually the same time
(I fixed your text for you)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

No, the Antichrist is part human. He can't be in two places on Earth at the same time. It's a stretch of Catholic beliefs that the AC is even part demon. He also can't grow 10 cm. The reason for multiple murders is that the AC is trying to seize the Church from within by replacing existing clergy with loyal followers. I also think there's more tension and urgency with multiple murders.

Connor is definitely stuck in the Holy Land while the remaining murders are committed in Rome. The problem I have is the False Prophet has many powers similar to the Antichrist, so it's possible that he's the one who'll attack Connor in the Holy Land while the AC continues his business in Rome. I had hoped not to bring the False Prophet into the story until book two, but I can't think of a way to rule him out as a suspect in the reader's mind.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Hmm. I'm definitely leaning toward crucifixions for the manner of all four deaths. Cardinals are ideal since they each are the titular head of a church in Rome. I could kill them in their own churches. The downside is that Angels & Demons also targeted four cardinals, successfully killing three. The fourth almost died but for the heroics of Tom Hanks's character. The other downside is that now all of the killings will be identical, further complicating my desire to keep the story fresh as it proceeds. There would be no accomplices like the gravedigger to hunt down. The gravedigger led the inspectors to Father Coppola, who conveniently keels over when arrested. It mixes things up somewhat, but involves two scenes of the inspectors reporting to higher ups and two interrogation scenes. If I kept going, I'd need even more of those.

819 (edited by Dirk B. 2020-06-09 04:40:32)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I'm debating whether to involve lesser demons in the serial killings. Somewhere above I said I didn't want that, but supernatural beings make for better accomplices. Harder to kill, too. They could help bring the Jerusalem wood to each church to construct the human-size crosses.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Here's a silly observation. Why does a dark being who can practically destroy a church need to turn into fog to slip under a door? You'd think he could simply turn the lock using his powers and walk in. This comes up because I'm thinking of getting rid of the turning-into-fog part. Necessary as I redefine what demons in human form can and can't do. They can sample dead tissue and assume the dead person's identity (e.g., the chief exorcist of Rome), but if the demon dissolves, it will need to sample other dead tissue to reconstitute itself as someone else. I think this limitation should be true up to and including Satan himself since he too is a demon, albeit the most powerful one. Too bad, since it would be cool for him to change from human form into a suitably horned beast at will.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Finished Paul of Dune today, the temporal sequel to Dune. It's two stories in one, back and forth between a story from Paul's youth and the story of the early years of his rule as emperor. Although it is generally very well written, there's too much focus on characters I just didn't care about. Not nearly enough about the original characters and too much about secondary characters introduced by Brian Herbert and his coauthor in the prequels to Dune. Is give it 3/5 stars.

822

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I vaguely a (windsurfing?) scene in the /other/ books and recall thinking to myself how little I could imagine the original cast having a relaxing windsurf. Really stood out to me - can't even remember which book it was but it stood out that much.

Vaguely recalls of Star Wars where we take 15 minutes off the action to show Anakin riding buffalo-like creatures while he falls in love, and I was thinking aw geez, Luke never got a vacation amounting to 10% of the show time to ride a buffalo

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Yup. Crucifixions and demons may be the answer. My first revised scene will be up tomorrow. I just need to decide if I want the reader to meet Cardinal Vitale and the dark figure before the former turns up dead.

824 (edited by Dirk B. 2020-06-13 04:44:11)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Time to move on to Dune Messiah. I'm only one chapter into it and can already see the huge differences between Frank Herbert's writing and that of his son. With Dune and Dune Messiah, there is incredible subtlety in the writing that forces me to think what the hell elder Herbert is trying to say. There is virtually none of that in his son's writing.

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Brainstorming assistance, please. In my revised detective scenes, I'll have a number of demons. They can function in one of several ways:
a) by possessing an ordinary human (appears in the Bible and in my Exorcism chapter)
b) by appearing in a human (but non-corporeal) form (angels do this in the Bible, although demons can do it too)
c) by animating a recently dead body (written about by theologians in Church history speculating about sex between humans and demons)
d) by growing a new body by sampling dead tissue. I think I made this one up, but can't remember anymore.

Of those four ways, most of my demons will be based on type d (sampling dead tissue). When they abandon their physical bodies, they revert to ghostly apparitions (spirits) and their demonic bodies dissolve. I doubt I'll have use for types b and c. I mention them in the new scene 1.4 for completeness sake.

I do, however, have need for an even more powerful demonic form, namely one who can shapeshift. This would be restricted to Satan alone, the most powerful of all demons. He has a physical body (type d), but he's not limited to just one shape. If he wants, he can convert from one human form to another at will. I'm thinking of explaining this by saying he can edit his body's DNA and thereby change shape. It requires great power, which is why he's the only one who can do it.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk